Shortarmguy’s Crazy Emails Sep04

On this page, I will post the funniest emails I receive on any given day.  So email the best stuff you get.  I’ll only post the cream of the crop and not the other crap I get.  Although I didn’t create the items on this list, my feeling is that they’re in the public domain since they were emailed to me with 600 other people.  So no more damn copyright lawsuits!

Warning! Adult Material Below!

September 26, 2004

The really important question is, which candidate would make a prettier Miss America?

Who’s more manly when surrounded by colorful folks?

Who’s more manly with his wife? 

Who’s more manly when outdoors?

I’m sure this is fake…..but who cares!

This is a pretty good representation of my life!

Nice Emails Of The Week

I’ve been checking out your site faithfully for about two years now every Monday morning, sometimes I get together with my fiancé’s 15 year old cousin and check out the site on Sunday evenings, just to get a jumpstart on the laughter.  I’m stretching to make something which is probably an ordinary occurrence at the zoo funnier than it actually is, but my fiancé’s friend Amy (right) took my fiancé’ (left) and another friend, Abby(center) and I to the Zoo in Indianapolis a few weeks ago. The girls got dressed up in these animal costumes, which apparently were pretty convincing to the Rhinos.  Check out the Rhino’s reaction
( 192 shows a before, 193, after seeing number the girls as outfitted in 187)
It’s hard to believe.
Anyway, whatever you have to do to make this printable, please do.  My cousin-to-be Neeley and I would love to have some mention of us on your site and some credit for a funny.
Take whatever license you must, and be sure and show off the picture of my fiancé’ (she is very hot).
Big fan,

Jeremy’s Fiancé 

Rhino Before and After Seeing Jeremy’s Fiancé! 

Buy The Movie Mean Girls!   Just click the picture.

September 19, 2004

This is an honest to goodness actual Real Estate Photo taken from this website…they might want to look out the window the next time they’re taking photos of a house they want to sell!!!

For some reason, I really, really want a coke as well…

I just want to know how this guy figured out he could do this…

Oh John, I have the perfect spot for you to stand during your speech…

Redneck Driving Academy

Honestly, this gets me chicks all the time!

A co-worker got a pen stuck inside the printer just before he had to go to a meeting. He started to try and remove the pen, but was told “We don’t have time for that now, just put a note on the printer telling folks not to use it and then report it to the Help Desk.”

So he grabbed a piece of paper and scrawled on it. Later, a technician came in laughing and said he was just in the lobby, saw a piece of paper on a printer and went to investigate.

Below is what he found.  Sometimes things don’t always come out the way you want them to.

There’s more than one way to be a horse’s ass!

Ummm, you might not want to stand there.

Nice Emails Of The Week

Sorry about your loss.  I have seen your routine on the site, and it is funny.  If you like stand-up, I would encourage you to keep trying. The worst thing that could happen is that you’d get better at it.

I do not know if you could use this or not. But here is something for your fans that have a Princess Leia fetish.


Dear Todd,
 Look man I watched the video and the people loved you. Don’t let this get you down. A little example here, I’m 44, I am a computer Technician. I love computers, but when I was single and in my twenties I wanted to be an entomologist. Nature has always fascinated me. I loved to study insects and for many years that was about all I considered. Then when I found out I could not be an entomologist without a degree and realized that Neither I nor my parents could afford college, I quit. I simply laid my dream away and gave up. Now, at 44 I know I could have found a way. Not a day goes by that I don’t regret never pursuing that dream. Please listen, don’t stop! You have a talent for making people laugh, that is probably the most cherished gift god gives, it gives you the ability to ease others pain and worry, reduce their sadness. What pill or other thing can do this? Nothing ! It takes a special kind of person to make people laugh and you should be very happy that God chose you as one of those people. Success is not measured by fame, it’s measured by how many people you touch with you jokes and your personality. From what I’ve seen, you have achieved fame in those peoples hearts and lives regardless of winning or losing. I know this sounds like a lecture, it’s not meant to be. Just wanted to let you know that you won in a way that counts the most. You touched those peoples lives, you made them forget their problems. No, I don’t think you lost.

Mark Shiro

Thanks for a great email and your kind words, Mark!!

Honestly, it doesn’t bother me that much…I used to do stand-up quite a bit about 10 years ago and I decided at that point that the comedian’s life wasn’t for me.  I’m not really big on the idea of traveling from town to town to do comedy which I’d need to do if I was serious about pursuing that career.  I’d rather have the opportunity to come home every night and see my family. 
I guess I was a bit disappointed I didn’t do better in the contest, because in the back of my mind I thought winning the contest may have been the spark I’ve been waiting to happen.  I’ve thought for a long time that some day there will be a single event in my life that will give me a little fame and notoriety which I could then parlay into my dream lifestyle.  That being the ability to focus full time on developing comic/inspirational material for my website and other media while still being able to support my family financially.  Right now, I’m only able to dedicate 2 or 3 hours a week to my site and I really feel I could do so much more with it if only I had the time available.  It’s a big dream, but one I think about every day.  I will keep trying new things until I make it happen!  Or die….whichever comes first! 🙂 
All right.  Now you gave me some advice, I’m going to return the favor.  44 years old is way too young to believe you can’t still pursue your life’s dream!!  I just did a Google search on careers in entomology and it looks like there’s plenty of opportunities available!!  Go for it!  Take a couple classes at a community college part time every semester until you’re able to get your degree.  I know you probably have other commitments in life which may make it seem impossible.  But if you can just take a little time every day to work on making your dream a reality, the right path will form in front of you before you know it!! 
When Luke and Avery went through their struggles (Details found here, here, and here), I learned some very valuable lessons.  The main ones being that life is very precious, but also very fragile.  You just never know when your time is going to come to an end.  So have no regrets.  Live every day as if it’s going to be your last.  And if you have a dream, go for it!!!
I wish you the very best of luck and please stay in touch!!!
(PS:  I’m going to post our email exchange on this weekend’s update.  I hope you’re ok with that….I’ll only put your first name, unless you’re cool with me posting your full name.  Take care!!!) 

Dare To Be Different!

Dear Todd,

  You’re a hell of a guy. And very accurate I might add. Why is it we can stare at something for a lifetime and not see it until another points it out? You are absolutely right about the entomology. Even my wife agrees. I am going to the local college Monday and see what’s available. I also think I’ll add entomology to my kids home school curriculum, they’ll love it and I can brush the dust off my old studies. I guess I’m the kind that sometimes needs a kick in the ass before I start thinking. 🙂 Oh and you may use my name , age , anything you want. I may get back to doing some goofy photos later.
Take Care man,
and take care of the family.

Want A Great Deal On An Apple Ipod?  Click The Picture For More Information!!

September 12, 2004

Which one looks more like The First Lady?

Let Me Out!!

Honey, what were you doing in the garage last night?

Even Britney’s Gotta Go Sometimes…

Listen, I have a Toolbox you can borrow if you want…

My buddies used to do this kind of stuff to me too!

My buddies used to do this kind of stuff to me too!

I believe I can fly!!!

Nice Email Of The Week

Hi Todd,

I have been viewing your site for at least eight months.
And it was one of favorite sites to view each week.
I enjoy your funny pictures and Links of the week.
When there’s something exceptional I always forward them
to my friends. And occasionally preach the gospel of short arm guy, while I am at it.

Keep up the good work.


Want A Great Deal On A Digital Camera?  Click The Picture For More Information!!

September 6, 2004

I wish I was in the zoo, someone feeds you, cleans up your poo, no work, no responsibility, sleep all day and of course blow jobs with the whole world watching. That’s living…

I failed this class because I just couldn’t concentrate on what the teacher was saying…

That Does It!  Beach Volleyball Has Officially Become My Favorite Sport!

And weightlifting has just dropped to the bottom of the list…

Star Wars Is Coming To DVD!!!!   Click The Picture For More Information!!

Crazy Email Archives