Shortarmguy’s Crazy Emails Jan04

On this page, I will post the funniest emails I receive on any given day.  So email the best stuff you get.  I’ll only post the cream of the crop and not the other crap I get.  Although I didn’t create the items on this list, my feeling is that they’re in the public domain since they were emailed to me with 600 other people.  So no more damn copyright lawsuits!

Warning! Adult Material Below!

January 25, 2004

My cousins stayed at our house this weekend and those inconsiderate creeps used all my anal lube!

That Thing Gotta Hemi??

Nice T-Shirt. My sentiments exactly.

The Corporate Ladder

The Corporate Ladder

Paris, Texas

January 18, 2004

The Last Photo I Ever Took

You Gotta Love Them Vikings

Joan Crawford’s Other Daughter

What Saddam Needed All That Cash For…

Queer As A…

Why We Had To Quit Taking Uncle Willie Hunting

January 11, 2004

Best Crazy Emails Of 2003

We’ll bomb peace into those people!

Best Nice Email Of 2003

Recently, a friend of mine told me about your website. I happen to be the father of three children, all very dear to me, the middle one, of whom has Down’s. He has been such an inspiration to me and has made my life better in every way. I did not really enjoy his potty training days, or those of my other children, so that last statement was only 99% true, but he has opened my eyes so much.

I am ashamed to tell you that I used to feel weird around handicapped people, because I did not understand why they were different, and my lack of understanding made me feel so bad that I found myself looking away, when smiled at. I never considered myself to be hurting anyone, because I did not think that they felt things the way I did. I did not give them the common courtesy of thinking they understood I wanted away from them, so I could feel “normal” again.

Over the last years I have watched my son grow, and I have seen him enjoy life in a way I never have. I sometimes see my son look at things I have always taken for granted and it makes me stop and see with simple wonder what he is seeing. He has made me open my eyes and see the beauty in things, and in people, that I never saw before.

My son’s best friend is a young boy who is unable to use his arms or legs as most people can, and has a hard time talking, but who is very smart. My son has Down’s but is very physically able to do almost anything (from years of chasing his older brother around).

When these two unlikely friends are with me, we laugh and play, and I find they are both more special than I will ever be. They have both accomplished things, together, and apart, that everyone thought they could never do. With my son’s hands, and his friends brains, these two young boys of six years old, just put together a 800 piece puzzle of The Gateway Arch. It did take them weeks (Yes, I gave up a table for weeks) and I know that it sounds like a simple thing…except when I admit that I  put that same puzzle away only half-finished no more than six months ago.

I guess I am trying to say that as I have finally come to see the beauty in the fact that we are all special, and I am so glad that I no longer feel weird around handicapped people.  My son has taught me to see that when someone is “disabled” or “special” in one way they are often “ABLED” and “SPECIAL” in another way.

Finding your website has been such a blessing for me. Your site inspires me, makes me laugh, and makes me think. Thank you. Although I will, in all likelihood, never meet you, through your site, you have become something like a friend to me. You have become a friend to many, through your website, and I think I speak for thousands when I say, as you always say…”Thank You For Sharing”.



Honorable Mention Nice Email Of 2003

Hey, I just gotta say I love your site! I think it’s uber-cool that you’re able to laugh at yourself. Lots of people take things way too seriously. It’s hard to find someone with a good sense of humor! Anyway, I attached a pic of my boobies because you rock. I hope you enjoy. 

Keep up the superb work!!

Heidi                                                                      (Click picture for full version)


Best Hate Mail Of 2003

I thought you might enjoy reading my 1st piece of hate mail that I’ve ever received…I also included my reply to her at the bottom.  Gina never responded to my reply.
Dear Shortarmguy,
I accessed your website the other day whilst researching Survivor goss for
the radio station I work for. At first I thought it was an extremely
inspirational website. “Don’t be afraid to be different” is a very nice
However after going through your site I think your a completely racist
homophobic pig! It’s people like you who are the reason America is hated
throughout the rest of the world. I think the reason God gave you one short
arm is because you acted like you do now in a previous life. You’ve clearly
had no real friends in your life and you think abusing anyone who is
different is going to make you feel good. Get a life you fucking geek!!!

Gina Williams

Hi, Gina!

Thanks for your feedback!  I have to honestly say that in the 3 years since I first started my site, yours is the first piece of hate mail I’ve received.

Although I’m glad you thought my site was “extremely inspirational” at first, the balance of your email is a bit concerning to me.  Exactly which parts of my site made me a racist and a homophobe?  Contrary to your opinion, I do happen to have a very diverse group of friends, some of whom are of a different race than myself and some of whom are of a different sexual preference.  None of these friends have told me they find my site anything less than entertaining and refreshing.

If you read other sections of my site, I try to explain my feelings when it comes to making fun of people.  I believe we live in a society where people take themselves far too seriously.  Therefore if we can just make jokes about what makes us different, perhaps some day we can learn to look beyond it and focus on what makes us the same.  Although my site does contain offensive jokes about different groups of people, I certainly don’t think you can make an argument that I make fun of any one group more so than I make fun of myself or that which makes me unique.

Perhaps I am a “fucking geek” and maybe God did give me a short arm to make up for past indiscretions, but I do strive to improve myself every day. 

So do you have any constructive criticism for me that I can use to help make my site fall back into the inspirational category or am I in your opinion forever beyond repair from being a racist, homophobic pig?



Dare To Be Different!


Best Accomplishment Of 2003

History has been made!!  On Saturday, June 28, Shortarmguy was identified in public by complete strangers!  

A wild and crazy couple Straight Outta Fridley approached Shortarmguy at Valley Fair yesterday and said:

“Hey, don’t you have a website?  Aren’t you The Short Arm Guy?  We Love Your Site!!!”

I started Shortarmguy 3 years ago to become famous. (See Legend Of Shortarmguy)

Slowly but surely, we’re getting there!  Thanks to everyone for spreading the word!!

Now all I need is for someone to Exploit Me for $2 million so I can work full-time on making this site the funniest and most inspirational site on the net!!

January 4, 2004

OK. Reality TV shows have finally gone too far.

I’ll bet this guy doesn’t have sex with the same girl more than once.

Plain and Simple

My guess is Michael Jackson may be the answer to this question…

Damn! I guess I’ll just have to re-boot the system again!!

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