On this page, I will post the funniest emails I receive on any given day. So email shortarmguy@aol.com the best stuff you get. I’ll only post the cream of the crop and not the other crap I get. Although I didn’t create the items on this list, my feeling is that they’re in the public domain since they were emailed to me with 600 other people. So no more damn copyright lawsuits!

Warning! Adult Material Below!





July 30, 2006










Joke Of The Week
The Florida Department of Fish and Wildlife is advising hikers, hunters, fishermen, golfers and tourist in general to take extra precautions and keep alert for alligators while in Alachua, Marion, Lake, Collier, Lee, Seminole, Osceola, Polk, Brevard, Putnam and Orange counties.
They advise people to wear noise-producing devices such as little bells on their shoes or clothing to alert but not startle the alligators unexpectedly. They also advise the carrying of pepper spray in case of an encounter with an alligator.
It is also a good idea to watch for fresh signs of alligator activity. People should learn to recognize the difference between small young alligator droppings and large adult alligator droppings.
Young alligator droppings are small and contain fish bones and possibly bird feathers. Adult alligator droppings have little bells in them and smell like pepper spray.
Nice Email Of The Week
July 23, 2006













Nice Email Of The Week
yo, short arm guy!
I LOVE YOUR SITE, BRO!
you’re a badass. period.
just wanted to let you know I linked you to a thread on
PEREZHILTON.COM that has received over 150,000 hits since late night
Monday. you are FEATURED on page #6 I believe. A few times actually.
I would expect your myspace and youtube accounts to have a few new
visitors in the next few days.
I LOVE YOUR SITE and I think you’re cool.
http://perezhilton.com/boardroom/viewtopic.php?t=2637
let me know what you think!
RESPECT!!!
dinkyfats
This comment was left on the Shortarmguy MySpace Page:
Hi Todd!
Came across you this morning Googling some random thing like “tan” and got the picture of the leatherette Grandma!
Man, I wouldn’t even want a handbag made out of that!
Quite frankly your website and your story of your family and the immense bravery of Avery and Lukie moved me.
What extraordinary, strong and amazing people you are. Your message has definitely hit home here with me, consider me a Shortarmguy Fan!
Much love to you and your family from across the pond.
Steph x
Joke Of The Week
July 16, 2006









Nice Email Of The Week
I just happened to come across your site by accident.
(I was actually googling “boobs” looking for gag-boob pics to post on my friend’s forum, ’cause they were being silly guys, go figure!)
Anyway, I was born with severe scoliosis, as well as another condition that caused my body to be underdeveloped on the left side. I have four fingers on my left hand and underwent the same surgery you did having the index finger turned into a thumb, as well as a slew of other surgeries, including having my entire spine fused when I was seven, so my body is shorter than what would seem normal when compared to my arms and legs.
Anyway, I wish I could have the same sense of humor you do, I just hurt so much over it. I just wanted to say “hey” and “I know how you feel.” Your website made me smile. 🙂
Name Withheld By Request
Hey, Todd,
That big bird on your website is a Blue Heron. We have a pair that frequent our backyard looking for sun fish along the shore. Let me tell ya, they leave the BIGGEST mess if you know what I mean. But, they have a huge wingspan and are awesome to watch fly. Here’s a wiki link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Blue_Heron
Take care,
Ron S
Joke Of The Week
A guy is driving around Tennessee and he sees a sign in front of a house:
“Talking Dog For Sale.”
He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there.
“You talk?” he asks.
“Yes, I do,” the Lab replies.
“So, what’s your story?”
The Lab looks up and says, “Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running.”
“But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security wandering near suspicious characters and listening in.”
“I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.”
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
“Ten dollars,” the guy says.
“Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?”
“Because he’s a liar. He never did any of that shit.”
July 9, 2006










Joke Of The Week
After I retired, I could really spend some time enjoying my favorite pastime — bass fishing. I got my own little fishing boat and tried to get my wife to join me, but she just never liked fishing.
Finally, one day at the Bait &Tackle Shop, I got to talking to Sam the shop owner who it turned out loves bass fishing as much as I do. We quickly became fishing buddies. As I said the wife doesn’t care about fishing she not only refuses to join us she always complains that I spend too much time fishing.
A few weeks ago we had the best fishing trip ever. Not only did I catch the most beautiful bass you’ve ever seen, only a few minutes later Sam must have caught his twin brother! So I took a picture of Sam holding up the two nice bass that we caught and showed the picture to the wife hoping that maybe she’d get interested. Instead she says she doesn’t want me to go fishing at all anymore!!
And she wants me to sell the boat!
I think she just doesn’t like to see me enjoying myself.
What would you do? Tell the wife to forget it and continue my hobby or quit fishing and sell the boat as she insists?
Thanks, A fisherman
PS I have enclosed the picture of Sam showing off the bass we caught!

July 2, 2006













Joke Of The Week
The Confessional
An elderly Italian man, who lived on the outskirts of Monte Casino, went to the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man aid, “Father, during World War II, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the enemy. So I hid her in my attic.”
The priest replied, “That was a heroic thing you did, my son! And you have no need to confess that.”
“It’s worse than that, Father. She started to repay me with sexual favours.”
The priest said, “By doing that, you were both committing sin. However, two people under those circumstances can be very tempted. But, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven.”
“Thank you, Father. That’s a great load off my mind. But I do have one more question.”
“And what is that?” asked the priest.
“Should I tell her the war is over?”
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