Shortarmguy’s Crazy Emails Aug06

On this page, I will post the funniest emails I receive on any given day.  So email the best stuff you get.  I’ll only post the cream of the crop and not the other crap I get.  Although I didn’t create the items on this list, my feeling is that they’re in the public domain since they were emailed to me with 600 other people.  So no more damn copyright lawsuits! 

Warning!  Adult Material Below!

August 27, 2006

My buddy, Sean, went to Sturgis this week where he took this picture. I guess this guy was being a real Dick!
Great use for an old computer
The price is......Who Cares!
US Marine HumVee
Incredible Photo showing proof of Water On Mars
Why I'll never swim in the sea again...
Moon River
New Border Crossing
Evolution of Man

Joke of the Week

Hillary Clinton and her staff driver were cruising along a country road in their SUV after a campaign visit one evening when suddenly an old cow loomed  in front of their car. The driver tried to avoid it, but couldn’t – they were both shaken, but unhurt…..the old cow, however, was dead.

 Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners  what happened. She stayed in the car making phone calls to lobbyists.

 About an hour later, the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray. He was holding a half empty bottle of home made wine in one hand, a big cigar in the other and he was smiling like he had just won the lottery….face smeared with lipstick.

 “Where have you been for so long?  Have you been drinking?  What happened?” asked Hillary.

 “Well,” the driver replied, “the farmer gave me the cigar, his wife gave me the wine, and their beautiful twin daughters were all over me.”

 “Why? What did you tell them!?!” asked Hillary.

 The smiling staff driver replied: “I said, I’m Hillary Clinton’s driver, and I just killed that old cow………and things kinda got confused and crazy after that….”

Nice Email Of The Week


I love your site.  I hit it every Monday for your latest and greatest.  Today however, you have an “OOPSIE!”   Dennis Miller did not write that Israel article.

Sorry dude.

Otherwise, keep up the good work, you run an excellent site!

Dave Peters
Engineering in PA since 1996

 Here is a “Fairy ring” that is in my yard right now.  It is almost a perfect circle.  The diameter is 14 feet and the largest mushroom head is 9” as of 8/17/06.

 The “Fairy” in the fairy ring is Brent Rule who was kind enough to stand in the middle to give us perspective on the size of the ring knowing I was going to humiliate him.


Evolution of Man

August 20, 2006

Boy, these new airport security dogs seem pretty scary!
I love see through bikinis, but this is ridiculous!
How can you not want to help the homeless?
I can't wait for my vacation to Mount Titties!
Well, that's one idea...
I can totally relate to this:

Nice Email Of The Week

Hey S. A. G. (:) 
Thanks for sharing your Holiday with your family with us.  Um, I think your bull-ride was pretty lame, but hey, I have never been on one.  Just messing with you.
In case you have forgotten I am the old gal (74) in Florida who harasses you every once in a while.  Usually I am the one saying prayers for everyone else, but now I need them myself.
I have been diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer, and have had all the unmentionable surgery (yes, both) and already begun my chemotherapy. I am reacting well, blood work is very good, so there is hope. 
I am not telling you this to make you feel bad, but because I know you reach a lot of people.  Just ask them to mention all women who suffer from breast cancer, and especially KT. 

I have a wonderful support group, family, friends and online friends, and they have been wonderful.  I may never have to cook another meal.  Well, at least not for a while. 🙂 
I enjoy your web site, and go there when I am start to feel sorry for myself,  it always perks me up.  Your family is beautiful.  Growing fast too.
Don’t waste time feeling sorry for me, just always buy and display those silly ribbons, ok? 
Best wishes, keep up the fun stuff on your web site.

Shortarmguy Replies:  Our prayers are with you, KT!!!  Keep The Faith!!!


Brenda B recommends the following web page, with this message:

I am a new fan of your web site. I thought you would like to add this to your site. Keep the laughs coming, I have gotten a kick out of site . I have been telling everyone to check it out.

Here is the page:

Visit this link!


August 13, 2006


Not a good billboard to see on the way to work...
Say cheese!
Now this takes guts!
How can you not want to help the homeless?
You gotta play it where it lies...
Not a street you want to spend a lot of time on.

Joke of the Week

A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There’s a hole in one of the bags, and every once in a while a $20 bill is flying out of it onto the pavement.  Noticing this, a policeman stops her….

“Ma’am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag…”

“Damn!” says the little old lady…..”I’d better go back and see if I can still find some. Thanks for the warning!

“Well, now, not so fast,” says the cop. “How did you get all that money?”  “Did you steal it?”

“Oh, no”, says the little old lady. “You see, my back yard backs up to the parking lot of Lambeau Field. Each time there’s a game, a lot of
fans come and pee in the bushes, right into my flower beds! So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone
sticks his little thingie through the bushes, I say “$20 or off it comes!”

“Hey, not a bad idea!” laughs the cop. “OK, good luck! By the way, what’s in the other bag?”

“Well”, says the little old lady, “Some guys think I’m bluffing.”

Nice Email Of The Week

Todd, I hope you and your buddies can see this one.  The moral of the story is, I’m sure, that we are definitely in the presence of Greatness!  Shirley

I believe in these difficult and mean-spirited times in which we live there needs to be a message of hope.  Just a single image that speaks to us of love, harmony, peace and joy.  An image that
suggests the universal brotherhood of man. I have found that image, and I ask that all of you take a moment to be inspired by it.

I can't wait for my vacation to Mount Titties!


Thanks for being a part of my week.
thanks again

Suzanne was kind enough to include a donation to with this email!

August 6, 2006



Those Sneaky Marines! (Look Closely!)
I like this one!
Just make yourself at home...
Now that's a moose!
Brokeback Spidy

Joke Of The Week


A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in “fashion sense.”

The man walks up to him and says, “I didn’t know you were into earrings.” “Don’t make such a big deal, it’s only an earring,” the co-worker replies sheepishly. His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, “So, how long have you been wearing one?”

“Ever since my wife found it in my truck.”

Nice Email Of The Week

What a great site and what a lovely family you have! Thanks for sharing!  xoxo

You might want to share this on your mailing. I found it to be one of the best I have seen so far.  Hope you enjoy it…Steve R. Johnson

A dynamic and poignant reminder.

Coming up on the five year anniversary. 

Attack 911


Crazy Email Archives