Todd Swank.        Comedian.        Funny Arms.

Because of his heart condition, Luke was selected to receive a wish from the Wishes and More Organization. He told them his dream was to be a comedian. Luke was then asked to perform in front of 500 people at the Wishes and More Valentine’s Ball on February 7th. This is a video of the performance.


The Complete Crippled Comedy Classics.

This is a 10 minute video highlighting some of Shortarmguy’s Comedy Career….because everyone loves highlights….from business highlights to the highlights of a comedian as found here on this page.

It starts off pretty lame, but I think it picks up steam towards the middle.

Shortarmguy Fights for Your Right To Party

Crippled Comedy Short

Crippled Comedy Short # 2

Shortarmguy Wins Round One Of Twin Cities Funniest Person Competition 7/27/04

Shortarmguy Wins Round One Of Twin Cities Funniest Person Competition 7/27/04

Excerpt of Todd Swank’s Comedy Act


Hi!  Allow me to introduce myself….my name is Todd Swank…Robert Todd Swank….people call me Bob…..because that’s what I do if you throw me in the water.

So I supposed you’re all wondering what happened to my arms….good question.  You see before I was born, I was up in heaven….chilling with God.  God goes to me Todd….God always calls me Todd….he says Todd “I’m afraid we’re going to have to make a few cutbacks this year, so you have to make a choice.  Would you rather have straight arms……or a really big pecker?” I mean….Heyyyyyy…..what could I say….He’s God.  And at least he kept his word.  You know what they say…..what God takes away from one part of the body, he has to make up for someplace else.  (I’d then point to a lady in the audience and exclaim)  “Thank you very much!”  Awwwwww, I know I shouldn’t say jokes like that…but I figure, if black people can spread the rumor that they have big weiners….why can’t I do the same thing for handicapped people, huh?

I have to do what I can for my people.  Because it’s tough to be Handicapped.  Society doesn’t know how to treat us.  They don’t even know what name to call us.  We started out and we were crippled…then we were handicapped….then disabled.  Now we’re up to my personal favorite…..physically challenged.  Pffft!  Physically challenged!  What the hell does this mean?  The last time I was physically challenged was when I tried to wipe my butt with my left hand here!

I had a friend once suggest to me that I should go see a plastic surgeon….to see if he could help fix my hands.  I thought this was a pretty good idea.  So I called up a plastic surgeon on the telephone….but he just kept hanging up on me. I don’t know why.  I called the doctor on the phone and asked “Do you do hand jobs?”   Apparently not.  

I always wanted to be an entertainer.  So I decided to become a comedian, because….well, I figured a juggler was completely out of the question.  I’d throw the balls up with my right hand and they’d just land over there someplace.

…..And the number one disadvantage to being thumbless…..Headless hand Turkeys!!