Shortarmguy’s Crazy Emails Mar08

Best Product Placement Ad Ever!
Best Haircut Ever!
Classic Signs
This Picture Gave Me A Completely New Appreciation for Old Lamps! (If you don't understand, keep looking at the picture. It will come to you!)
This booze comes with an Extra Bite!

“You don’t have to see the top of the staircase to take the first step.”

– Martin Luther King, civil rights leader

Joke of the Week


A 6-year-old and 4-year-old are upstairs in their bedroom.

“You know what?” says the 6 year-old. “I think it’s about time we started cussing.”
  4-year-old nods his head in approval.
 The 6-year-old continues, “When we go downstairs for breakfast, I’m gonna say something with ‘hell’ and you say something with ‘ass’.
  The 4-year-old agrees with enthusiasm.
 When their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6-year-old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, “Aw, hell Mom, I guess I’ll have some Cheerios.”
 WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step.
 She locks him in his room and shouts, “You can stay in there until I let you out.”
 She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4-year-old and asks with a stern voice, “And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?”
 “I don’t know,” he blubbers, “but you can bet your fat ass it won’t be Cheerios.”


Nice Emails of the Week

I almost choked on my brownie while reading the jokes

in your site.  it’s definitely the best joke site. keep it up

and thanks for the laughs.  


Happy Easter!!
Son, that's not an Egg!
Hillary's Presidential Plane
Now we see why he doesn't answer the phone at 3am!
Me too!
Funny Squirrels
If you're married to a blonde, don't leave your laptop in the bathroom!

 “Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat. “

— Theodore Roosevelt, 26th U.S. President


Joke of the Week

A contestant on ‘Who Wants to be a Millionaire?’ had reached the final

 If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000.

If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $25,000 milestone money.

 And as she suspected it would be, the million-dollar question was no

 It was, ‘Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds?  Is it:

              A)  the condor
              B)  the buzzard
              C)  the cuckoo
              D)  the vulture

 The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer.  She had used
 up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Ask the Audience Lifeline.  All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline.  She hoped she would not have to use it because … Her friend was, well–blonde.

 But she had no alternative.  She called her friend and gave her the
 question and the four choices.

The blonde responded unhesitatingly: ‘That’s easy. The answer is C: the cuckoo.’

 The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast.

 She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving Meredith any answer except the one that her friend had given her.  And considering her
 friend was a blonde that would seem to be the logical thing to do. 
 But her friend had responded with such confidence, such certitude,
 that the contestant could not help but be persuaded.

 ‘I need an answer,’ said Meredith.

 Crossing her fingers,  the contestant said, ‘C: The cuckoo.’

 ‘Is that your final answer?’

 ‘Yes, that is my final answer.’

 And Meredith replied, ‘That answer is. Absolutely correct!  You are
 now a millionaire!’

 Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and
 friends, including the blonde who had helped her win the million

 ‘Jeni, I just do not know how to thank you,’ said the contestant.

 ‘How did you happen to know the right answer?’

 ‘Oh, come on,’ said the blonde… ‘Everybody knows that cuckoos don’t
 build nests. They live in clocks.’

St. Patrick's Dog
Its a hard disk! In September 1956 IBM launched the 305 RAMAC, the first computer with a hard disk drive (HDD). The HDD weighed over a ton and stored 5MB of data.
It's all made of food!!!
Coolest Toy Ever

Quote of the Week

 “Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat. “

— Theodore Roosevelt, 26th U.S. President

Joke of the Week

It’s recently been proven that dogs are better friends to men than their wives.

If you don’t believe it, just try this experiment.

Put your dog and wife in the trunk of your car for an hour.

When you open the trunk, who is really happy to see you?


The Democratic Party has a crisis of monumental proportions!

They don’t know whether to vote for the “Nut” with two Boobs

or the “Boob” with two Nuts!!

I was just looking around and saw this.
Redneck Mansion
She's Not as Skinny as She Looks!
The Fun Bulb
Redneck Tree Swing
Ultimate Peep Show
Extreme Foosball

Quote of the Week

 “Life isn’t about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain.”

—Author Unknown

Joke of the Week

A city cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street
when a little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him.

‘Nice bike,’ the cop said, ‘Did Santa bring it to you?’

Yep,’ the little girl said, ‘he sure did!’

The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5
ticket for a safety violation. The cop said, ‘Next year
tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it.’

The young girl looked up at the cop and said,
‘Nice horse you got, did Santa bring it to you?’

‘Yes, he sure did,’ chuckled the cop.

The little girl looked up at the cop and said, ‘Next year
tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top.’

Nice Emails of the Week

Shortarmguy / Todd,
Your site is the greatest!  I have been visiting every Sunday night or Monday morning for at least 4 years. I look forward to your “Crazy E-Mails” and many of the sites I discovered through your “Favorite Websites of the Week”  are now sites that I frequent.  I just wanted to let you know that I enjoyed the message from Lee Iacocca, but got skeptical part way through it, so I snoped it.  I found that it was legit, however, incomplete…you can see the message in it’s entirety here –

Just thought you might want to know.  I hope your family is doing well, keep up the good work and never stop daring to be different!



Real Life Penguin Smash Game
When Surgeons Get Bored
What Happens When You Sleep Around...
Which Way Is Up?
Pick Your Favorite Caption
  1. ‘Why did I marry her? Why didn’t I just put a loaded gun in my mouth? Why God, Why?’
  2. ‘Holy crap, look at that ass. Somewhere, a semi-truck is missing its ‘Oversized Load’ sign.’
  3. ‘Somewhere, there’s two fat girls, naked in a hot tub and I’m stuck here listening to her jabber on about health care. Geez, Rush is right, she does sound like Nurse Ratchet.’
  4. ‘And to think —  I could of had a V8’!
  5. ‘If Someone yelled ‘Haul ass’, it would take her two trips.’
  6. ‘Boy , Do I really want another four years of this?’


Quote of the Week

“Those who are blessed with the most talent don’t necessarily outperform everyone else. It’s the people with follow-through who excel.”

– Mary Kay Ash, May Kay Cosmetics founder

Joke of the Week

A man was in a long line at Wal-Mart. As he got to the register he realized he had forgotten to get condoms, so he asked the checkout
girl if she could have some brought up to the register.

She asked, ‘What size condoms?’

The customer replied that he didn’t know. She asked him to drop his pants. He did.

She reached over the counter, grabbed hold of him and called over the intercom, ‘One box of large condoms, Register 5.’

The next man in line thought this was interesting, and like most of us, was up for a cheap thrill.

When he got up to the register, he told the checker that he too had forgotten to get condoms, and asked if she could have some
brought to the register for him.

She asked him what size, and he stated that he didn’t know. She asked him to drop his pants. He did.

She gave him a quick feel, picked up the intercom and said, ‘One box of medium-sized condoms, Register 5.’

A few customers back was this teenage boy. He thought what he Had seen was way too cool. He had never had any type of sexual contact
with a live female, so he thought this was his chance.

When he got to the register he told the checker he needed some condoms.

She asked him what size and he said he didn’t know? She asked him to drop his pants and he did. She reached over the counter, gave him a quick squeeze, then picked up the intercom and said…

(You’ll love this one……………….)

Cleanup, Register   5

Nice Emails of the Week


I have been a fan for years and even though I have never met you I consider you a friend. From your postings I have derived that you are a man similar to me. You and I love God, we both love our families and America, but we’re not afraid of a little risqué humor.  I would like to tell you a story.

In January, 1991 my wife delivered my son stillborn on his due date. It destroyed everything in my life. I got divorced, lost my job, lost my house and lost friends that my wife got in the divorce.

Because of this I started going to church after many years of sleeping in on Sunday. After getting used to the group I broke down in my Sunday School class and spent the entire lesson time verbally vomiting over my new friends. No one told me to shut up or that I  was wasting valuable lesson time, they listened and hugged me and told me that every thing was going to work out. I thought they were lying.

The next Sunday an elderly woman who didn’t hear my story first hand but through her daughter met me at the front door of the church. She handed me a needlepoint that she had worked all week on. She said “I hope this helps you through your troubled times. And if it does, do me a favor. When you see someone who needs this more than you, give it to them”. I agreed without looking at the needlepoint and she went inside.

I would show you a picture of it but I don’t have it anymore. In fact it has been passed on at least four times since I first had it.

It said “I know God won’t give me more than I can handle, but I wish He didn’t trust me so much.”

My prayers are with you and your family.

 Your friend, Alan Daley


copper peak 12,400ft.  wind was blowing snow about 50mph but I gave it my best short arm pose.


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