Shortarmguy’s Crazy Emails Dec05

On this page, I will post the funniest emails I receive on any given day.  So email the best stuff you get.  I’ll only post the cream of the crop and not the other crap I get.  Although I didn’t create the items on this list, my feeling is that they’re in the public domain since they were emailed to me with 600 other people.  So no more damn copyright lawsuits! 

Warning!  Adult Material Below!

December 26, 2005

George Bush at The Pope's Funeral.
What snowmen do in the Off Season
I just never get the impression my favorite tree is excited to see me.
For some reason, Tim always had difficulty keeping air in his motorcycle's tires.
Family Photo Pack --- $50.00 Christmas Cards $30.00, Sending the cards out before realizing your daughter is flipping off Santa Claus --- Priceless
How to prepare for a Minnesota Winter!
This snow thrower is 454 cubic inches, a big block Chevy pumping out 412 HP and 430 lbs. ft. of torque!! Throws snow over 50 feet at 3500 RPM.
The Man Remote

Joke Of The Week

This one is for all of us who:
a) have kids
b) had kids
c) was a kid
d) know a kid!

As I was packing for my business trip, my 3-year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point, she said,
“Daddy look at this,” and stuck out two of her fingers.

Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said, “Daddy’s gonna eat your fingers!”
pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again.

When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face. I said,

“What’s wrong, honey?”

She replied, “What happened to my booger?”

Cool Product Of The Week

Amazon has an incredible deal on their Magellan RoadMate 700.  They’re currently offering it at 40% off it’s regular price.  If you don’t know where the heck you’re going in life, this little GPS unit just might help you!  

December 18, 2005

Signs your daughter is planning for a Wild Prom Night!
Where have you been shopping for Christmas?
You gotta admire his ambition...
If you watch the above images from your seat in front of the computer, Mr.Angry is on the left, and Mrs. Calm is on the right. Get up from your seat, and move back about eight feet!! They switch places!!
More Fun Christmas Pictures

Nice Email Of The Week

have been looking at your site and i must say it has to be the best out there!

love mick & jan

Joke Of The Week

A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and says,

“Hi… You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I’d really rather have a job.”

The social worker behind the counter says, “Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful nymphomaniac daughter. You’ll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he’ll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You’ll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You’ll be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is $200,000 a year.”

The guy, wide-eyed, says, “You’re bullshittin’ me!”

The social worker says, “Yeah, well… but you started it.”

Cool Product Of The Week

My friend, Khang, just bought one of these 60gb video IPODs and I’m amazed by it’s capabilities for a unit that is so small you can carry it around in your pocket.  I’m not really a music guy, so I never paid much attention to the Ipod.  But I have always been a video junkie and this bad boy opens up a whole new avenue for watching stuff including your personal photo collection as well as any DVD movies that you transfer over to it’s hard drive.  So for any of you fun people that have been in a quandary trying to decide what to buy Shortarmguy for Christmas, fret no longer.  This will definitely do!

December 11, 2005

According to Extreme Tracking, had over 10,000 unique visitors in November!  According to my site host, those visitors downloaded over 117,000 pages!  I’d like to say Thank You to my regular visitors who have helped spread the word about my silly little website!!  Maybe 2006 will be the year that I finally hit the Goals I laid out in the Legend of Shortarmguy…..

Hey Todd, Loved your Snow Angel On your update, so you like Snow angels? No greater fun, and it `s okay to be different, who wants to be like ALL THE SAME snow angels  anyway? Remember granny `s advice “, NO TWO SNOWFLAKES ARE THE SAME,” yours was “WAY COOL DUDE” I `m sending a few PICS,         Minnesota `s snow fun, … July B

This was July's Favorite Snow Angel
How to get lung cancer in a day...
So that's where it is...
Sadly, but this is becoming all too true in our society...
It looks like everyone is really excited about the first day of school!!!
I might have picked a bad spot to land...

Nice Email Of The Week

I really enjoy looking at your site. I just stumbled across it somehow. I really don’t remember how. LOL! But anyways you did a real good job bringing you and your family to life. So many websites don’t do that. It is like I know you guys. Anyways thanks for the entertainment. You remind me of my husband somewhat. He is fun loving and has a great sense of humor too. That’s a great quality in a person.
Thanks again. I have an old website that I did a few years ago it is
Angie Beavers


Joke Of The Week

Long time fan of your website, thought you might like this joke. 
Thanks for the laughs,
Shawn Byrley
Evansville IN……..
 There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys.  The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 0800.

The next day at 0845 there is a knock at the Personnel Manager’s door.  The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee.  He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor.

When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmos all over the factory floor and they’re really beginning to pile up.  At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmos.  She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.

The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo’s legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena. “I’m sorry,” he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday……..

“Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles”.

Cool Product Of The Week

December 4, 2005

Some Oh Shit Moments!

More fun shirts to buy your friend’s baby!

The Madden/Favre Love Affair reaches the pinnacle!

Joke Of The Week

Black Box Recorders

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with U.S. auto makers for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black box voice recorders in four-wheel drive pickup trucks and SUV’s in an effort to  determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last moments before the crash.

They were not surprised to find in 44 of the 50 states the recorded last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were, “Oh, Shit!”

But the states of Oklahoma, Tennessee, Texas, Mississippi, Arkansas, Alabama and Kentucky were different, where 89.3 percent of the final words were, “Hold my beer, I’m gonna try somethin.”

Cool Product Of The Week

We were watching the launch of the XBOX 360 with amazement this week.  The first few people who were lucky enough to get them listed on Ebay were selling them for more $1800 each!  At the time of this writing, the pricing has stabilized around $1000 for the premium version  which is still a nice little profit for those people who can get their hands on one.  Amazon is taking email addresses to let people know when they have availability. 

Crazy Email Archives