On this page, I will post the funniest emails I receive on any given day. So email shortarmguy@aol.com the best stuff you get. I’ll only post the cream of the crop and not the other crap I get. Although I didn’t create the items on this list, my feeling is that they’re in the public domain since they were emailed to me with 600 other people. So no more damn copyright lawsuits!
Warning! Adult Material Below!
December 26, 2005
Joke Of The Week
This one is for all of us who:
a) have kids
b) had kids
c) was a kid
d) know a kid!
As I was packing for my business trip, my 3-year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point, she said,
“Daddy look at this,” and stuck out two of her fingers.
Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said, “Daddy’s gonna eat your fingers!”
pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again.
When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face. I said,
“What’s wrong, honey?”
She replied, “What happened to my booger?”
Cool Product Of The Week
Amazon has an incredible deal on their Magellan RoadMate 700. They’re currently offering it at 40% off it’s regular price. If you don’t know where the heck you’re going in life, this little GPS unit just might help you!
December 18, 2005
Nice Email Of The Week
have been looking at your site and i must say it has to be the best out there!
love mick & jan
Joke Of The Week
A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and says,
“Hi… You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I’d really rather have a job.”
The social worker behind the counter says, “Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful nymphomaniac daughter. You’ll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he’ll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You’ll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You’ll be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is $200,000 a year.”
The guy, wide-eyed, says, “You’re bullshittin’ me!”
The social worker says, “Yeah, well… but you started it.”
Cool Product Of The Week
My friend, Khang, just bought one of these 60gb video IPODs and I’m amazed by it’s capabilities for a unit that is so small you can carry it around in your pocket. I’m not really a music guy, so I never paid much attention to the Ipod. But I have always been a video junkie and this bad boy opens up a whole new avenue for watching stuff including your personal photo collection as well as any DVD movies that you transfer over to it’s hard drive. So for any of you fun people that have been in a quandary trying to decide what to buy Shortarmguy for Christmas, fret no longer. This will definitely do!
December 11, 2005
According to Extreme Tracking, Shortarmguy.com had over 10,000 unique visitors in November! According to my site host, those visitors downloaded over 117,000 pages! I’d like to say Thank You to my regular visitors who have helped spread the word about my silly little website!! Maybe 2006 will be the year that I finally hit the Goals I laid out in the Legend of Shortarmguy…..
Hey Todd, Loved your Snow Angel On your update, so you like Snow angels? No greater fun, and it `s okay to be different, who wants to be like ALL THE SAME snow angels anyway? Remember granny `s advice “, NO TWO SNOWFLAKES ARE THE SAME,” yours was “WAY COOL DUDE” I `m sending a few PICS, Minnesota `s snow fun, … July B
Nice Email Of The Week
Joke Of The Week
The next day at 0845 there is a knock at the Personnel Manager’s door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.
The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor.
When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmos all over the factory floor and they’re really beginning to pile up. At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmos. She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.
The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo’s legs.
The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena. “I’m sorry,” he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday……..
“Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles”.
Cool Product Of The Week
December 4, 2005
Some Oh Shit Moments!
More fun shirts to buy your friend’s baby!
Joke Of The Week
The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with U.S. auto makers for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black box voice recorders in four-wheel drive pickup trucks and SUV’s in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last moments before the crash.
They were not surprised to find in 44 of the 50 states the recorded last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were, “Oh, Shit!”
But the states of Oklahoma, Tennessee, Texas, Mississippi, Arkansas, Alabama and Kentucky were different, where 89.3 percent of the final words were, “Hold my beer, I’m gonna try somethin.”
Cool Product Of The Week
We were watching the launch of the XBOX 360 with amazement this week. The first few people who were lucky enough to get them listed on Ebay were selling them for more $1800 each! At the time of this writing, the pricing has stabilized around $1000 for the premium version which is still a nice little profit for those people who can get their hands on one. Amazon is taking email addresses to let people know when they have availability.
Crazy Email Archives