Shortarmguy’s Crazy Emails Jul04

On this page, I will post the funniest emails I receive on any given day.  So email the best stuff you get.  I’ll only post the cream of the crop and not the other crap I get.  Although I didn’t create the items on this list, my feeling is that they’re in the public domain since they were emailed to me with 600 other people.  So no more damn copyright lawsuits!

Warning! Adult Material Below!

July 25, 2004

Is That A Moose In Your Windshield Or Are You Just Excited To See Me?

A Good Reason Not To Follow Mama Duck

All right, who’s turn to water the damned plants.

Nice Email Of The Week

Hi Bob 

Thanks for keeping me on your mailing list.  I enjoy going to your site.  You are an inspiration for me. 

Ok, so I am an old lady, (72) but having discovered that I have a serious problem with my spine, in the form of a couple of compressed disks in the Lumbar area, I need all the encouragement I can get.

Having survived the winter from hell, and may yet need surgery, I am dealing with being unable to lift more than 15 lbs.  Especially painful, since a new granddaughter had already exceeded the limit when I was told this fact.  (3 seconds of moping,  here).  So I go to your site and read the line at the top,

Crippled is a State of Mind.  And say, KT, get over it.  Its just the way it is.

I have a nephew who was afflicted with paralyetic polio at the age of 3, and even though he has been able to dispose of the braces, his spine is scoliosed. Now at the age of 48, you’d think he was laying in some hospital someplace.  But no, he isn’t. He has worked all his adult life, and still slings a mean paint brush, painting houses.

Why am I telling you this?  Well, actually, he has been an inspiration to me of what the human spirit can overcome if a person choses to.  He could have just laid back and collected a gov. pension and never done a lick of work.  But he never did that.  So you see, I think of the two of you as being kindred spirits.  You have never allowed your physical condition to overshadow your life, in fact, you have made a career of dealing with it.  That is how I see the two of you. He works, and ignores any of the crass things people say and do.  Some people are so insensitive they think nothing of asking him, “Bo, what has made your back so screwy” or some other equally stupid remark.   We, his Mom & I)  taught him to say “why do you want to know?” once in a while to see the responses.  That really throws people off.  He is a jewel, just like you.

I know  you have had a much harder time of it, but God Bless you, you are not “crippled” in  your mind.   There are a lot of people I know who have the opposite problem, totally crippled on the inside, and that kind of problem never heals.  

I worked as a critical care nurse for many years, and also taught nursing for 12 years.  What an experience.  Some of the patients I cared for were taken, as an adult, from healthy, vigorous lives, and reduced to incredible handicaps.  Watching them recover and deal with (or not) their problems was an education in itself.  None of them dealt with it more courageously as you are doing. 

Ok, I better close this off before I start blathering. Old people do that a lot. 🙂 

You don’t have to respond, I just wanted to keep in touch.   I have shared your site with a few select friends, especially those who have problems, either emotional or physical. I tell them,  Go read about this  young man and his life.  It is a powerful message.  I rarely have to say any more.  I hope you understand what I mean by this.   I would never exploit your website. 

God Bless you and keep you safe.

Love & Prayers, KT

July 18, 2004

My beloved co-workers think I’m bothered by the fact that I’m losing my hair.  So to prove that I have no shame in any part of my appearance, I will post this clever little creation of theirs.  They call me Monkey Butt, because whenever my bald spot gets sunburned my head looks like a baboon’s ass.

Aren’t they funny guys?

Now I Dare Them To Show Their Flaws To The World!

It will never happen, because they’re scared little girls!

I’ll never drink Coke again after seeing this before and after picture!!

Never Mix Beer and Viagra

Funny Things Found In the Newspaper

The Disadvantage of Being A Seeing Eye Dog

Nice Email Of The Week


Hi Todd, this is Amy, and I just found your site tonight. Like it or not, you really are an inspiration! And your site is hilarious.

I grew up with a very close aunt who had multiple sclerosis (she died Feb. 2003 at the ripe old age of 74). I adored her. I helped take care of her, because she lived with my grandparents, and at a young age I was doing things most kids didn’t, such as feeding her, washing her privates, changing her diapers, putting her in bed, etc. So along with this experience as well as having loving, liberal, well-educated parents, I grew up not thinking that folks who have a disability are “less” than the fully abled. It was just the way things were. So what if my aunt couldn’t feed herself? She was intelligent and funny as hell. All my friends loved to visit her, and I always took a new boyfriend to pass her approval. She definitely had a preference for the young Italian men. She always said that Italian men were the handsomest, even though she never had a boyfriend in her life. She was generous to a fault, and practically bankrupted herself at Christmas time. In the third generation of our family, Aunt Ruth was beloved by the grandchildren, who would pile on her bed and practically smother her little body with hugs and kisses. None of the younger ones in our family have grown up with a fear of so-called disabled folks. Aunt Ruth couldn’t even lift a coffee cup, but she kept up with the news and she loved sports especially, and she would get so disgusted when the Buffalo teams were losing. When I visited her, I used to take my cat Penguin, who laid comfortably on the bed with her as if it were our own bed. Everyone was comfortable with Ruth.
Basically, what I am saying is this: that “differently abled” persons, or whatever the catch phrase of the day may be, are not different. They just can’t physically do certain things. I was blessed by being a member of a family who treated physical challenges as just a matter of course. Something to be dealt with, naturally, but nothing to get your panties in a twist about. I know I was lucky. You would have been a welcome member in my family, and we all probably would have shaken our heads fondly and said, “He’s a hoot, but he’s a wild one, that boy.” You would have been Aunt Ruth’s favorite nephew, because she loved the wild ones like me, and believe me, that is a compliment beyond compare. In my family, probably no one would have even taken notice of your arms and hands. My brother (a NY state champ) would have wrestled with you and each time you won, would have shouted “NO FAIR!” and appealed to our father, who would have laughed and told my brother that the match was fair and square.
You would have been a well valued member of the kind of family I grew up in. We were taught to love others, no matter what they looked like or what disability they had. Disabilities or disfigurements meant nothing to us. We would have loved you as a son, a brother, a cousin, a nephew, or a son-in-law.
Keep up the good work,

July 11, 2004

The Scariest Deer Hunter You’ll Ever Meet

I Like The Deer Meat!!

The Official Clinton Portrait Has Been Unveiled

This night has trouble written all over it!!

It really might be time to quit drinking!!!!

July 4, 2004

Top Rejected Book Covers For The Bill Clinton Book

Death By Viagra

Crazy Email Archives