Shortarmguy’s Crazy Emails Dec04

On this page, I will post the funniest emails I receive on any given day.  So email the best stuff you get.  I’ll only post the cream of the crop and not the other crap I get.  Although I didn’t create the items on this list, my feeling is that they’re in the public domain since they were emailed to me with 600 other people.  So no more damn copyright lawsuits!

Warning! Adult Material Below!

December 31, 2004

It’s Good To Be The President!

No Problem!  My Brother Has A Crane That Can Get Your Van Out For You!!

4th of July At The Idiot Farm!

Why Shortarmguy Lives As Far Away From The Ocean As Possible!!

The Reason Santa Only Has 6 Reindeer This Year!!

Check Out Many More Funny Christmas Pictures Here

Click Here For Funny Christmas Pictures

Click Here For A Classic Christmas Song  

(Right click and select save target as to download)

Contrary to what Shortarmguy’s Co-workers say, Shortarmguy is not the one singing this song.

December 19, 2004

Shortarmguy’s Buddy, Krazy Kory, gets a new girlfriend and new web cam in the same week.

Pandemonium Ensues!

Hey!  See those antlers over there?  You’re next!!

A New Shortarmguy Bashing Photo From JJ Fad

No one is sadder than this guy that Kerry lost…

The fellow in the pictures is Larry Earley, He lives about 30 miles from Orlando, in the very rural community of Okahumpka, just off the Florida turnpike in Lake County, Florida. He has 20 acres of land and on it, a few cows and horses. Mostly it’s pasture land that is fenced with woods surrounding him.

He is neighbored by a larger cattle ranch.

His neighbor has complained for several years that wild hogs had been raiding his cattle feeders and salt licks.

Last month he saw what he thought was a cow in his pond and went to see if it was stuck in the mud and would have to be pulled out. When he got close enough to realize it was hog, the thing made a charge at him. He had driven his truck down to the pond and carries a pistol in it (as any Florida
redneck would, and I say that with genuine affection). He got his handgun and when it came at him again, he shot it twice and killed it.

Wild hogs in Florida usually run from 100-400 pounds with a 400 pounder being a monster. Because this one had been feasting on grain for several years it had grown to mammoth size. When Larry took it to the processor it weighed in at over 1100 pounds!

The meat has no wild taste, as it was grain feed and the Larry is quite the hero. He has fed many fireman and provided the homeless shelter in downtown Orlando with a couple of meals.

Any chance the driver was drinking when this accident occurred?

Serious Skid Marks!

Britney surprised everyone at the Billboard Music awards this week when she suddenly pulled the legs off of this puppy!

Check Out Many More Funny Christmas Pictures Here

December 19, 2004

Martha Stewart’s New Line Of Christmas Slippers She Developed In Prison

Why You Don’t Want To Be On An Oil Rig During A Hurricane!

Beak Job

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

“In honor of this holy season,” Saint Peter said, “you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.”

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter.  He flicked it on. It represents a candle, he said.  You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.  He shook them and said, “They’re bells” . Saint Peter said you may pass through the pearly gates.  

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women’s panties.  St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, “And
just what do those symbolize?”

The man replied, “They’re Carols”.

Freeze Frame

December 19, 2004

Why We Had Ham This Thanksgiving!

“These pics came from a coworkers dad in AZ. Yes the Mule, killed the mountain lion. The lion had been stalking them for the better part of the morning, on the way out to a hunt. They were pretty sure it was after a dog. The cat apparently ambushed them, and the mule pictured tossed its rider and went into attack (defense) mode, the horses scattered and shots were fired but no one was sure if they hit the cat or not. Unfortunately, the battle was decently long, and it wasn’t until it was almost over that one of the guys started snapping pics.”

The moose in the photos is an Alaska-Yukon moose taken by Eric Arnette on September 5th. It was taken in the Kilbuck Mountains , which is 380  miles west of Anchorage , AK . The rack is approximately 75 inches wide, has about 36 countable points, and was unofficially scored by a person who is not an Official Measurer at around 264 points. In the near future it’ll be posted on the Boone and Crockett Club’s web site on “Trophy Watch” where the official score will be announced once it is entered.

Apparently this colonel isn’t too excited to be sitting next to the Queen!

A Gift For The Blondes On Your Christmas List!

Mommy, Where Do Trees Come From?

Can’t Imagine Why The Ref Couldn’t Keep Control During The Pacers-Pistons Brawl!

Crazy Email Archives