On this page, I will post the funniest emails I receive on any given day. So email shortarmguy@aol.com the best stuff you get. I’ll only post the cream of the crop and not the other crap I get. Although I didn’t create the items on this list, my feeling is that they’re in the public domain since they were emailed to me with 600 other people. So no more damn copyright lawsuits!
Warning! Adult Material Below!
November 26, 2006
“They were laying new power cables which were strung on the ground for miles. The moose are rutting right now and very agitated. He was thrashing around and got his antlers stuck in the cables. When the men (miles away) began pulling the lines up with their big equipment, the moose went up with them. They noticed excess tension in the lines and went searching for the problem. He was still alive when they lowered him. to the ground. He was a huge 60 inch bull and slightly peeved !”
Joke of the Week
Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the Stuff from this store on a regular basis and would like some more.
“I’m sorry”, says the pharmacist, “We don’t have any!”
“But I always buy it here,” says the blonde
“Do you have the container that it came in?” asks the pharmacist.
“YES”, said the blonde, “I’ll go home and get it.”
She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her, “This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant”
Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container –
” TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM “
November 19, 2006
While sitting at your desk make clockwise circles with your right foot, draw the number 6 in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction!
Joke of the Week
Pearly Gates
A man appeared before St. Peter at the pearly gates. “Have you ever done anything of particular merit?” St. Peter asked.
“Well, I can think of one thing,” the man offered. “Once, on a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn’t listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground.
I yelled, “Now back off biker boy or you’ll answer to me!”
St. Peter was impressed. “When did this happen?”
“Just a few minutes ago.”
Nice Emails Of The Week
love your website by the way…
I like reading about your family.
Laura
Here is my twice winning costume… once at work and once at a friends house party….
Scared some kids for life Tuesday night… had some serious fun with it….
Mad Doc
November 12, 2006
Nice Emails Of The Week
Excerpt from a much longer email:
All I can tell you is to enjoy your life and your family. Everyday is a gift and we each have the privilege of unwrapping that present every morning. From your newsletter I can tell you have found that to be true. I’m glad you are helping others to smile. One of my favorite sayings is “I am the sum total of every decision I have ever made” and I thank God for the life I have chosen to lead.
Shirley
November 5, 2006
Joke of the Week
An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, “Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.”
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained:
“Well, doc, it’s like this – first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I
asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.
We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried
squeezin’ it between her knees, but still nothing.”
The doctor was shocked! “You asked your neighbor?”
The old man replied, “Yep. And none of us could get the jar open”.
Nice Emails Of The Week
Always enjoy contributing.
Have everyone check out my myspace. It’s weak, and I only have like 14 friends (sad) so see if everyone gets the self-deprecating humor!
Thanks a ton,
All the best for you and yours.
Regards,
Crazy Email Archives