Shortarmguy’s Crazy Emails May08

May25, 2008

In my opinion, the new movie wasn't as good as the old ones. Here's a pic I took with my cell phone.
How to know if it's True Love!
Signs O The Times – when the price of gas is this high it can cause anyone to load up the to see if they can brave the gas prices and afford to drive anywhere these days!
Fun Ride!
How to know if the vacation is going down hill...

Quote of the Week

“Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.”

– Benjamin Spock, doctor

Joke of the Week

The Bus Ride

Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-Decker bus for a weekend trip to Louisiana.  The Brunette team rode on the bottom of the bus, and the Blonde team rode on the top level.

The Brunette team down below really whooped it up, having a great time, when one of them realized she hadn’t heard anything from the Blondes upstairs.  She decided to go up and investigate .

When the Brunette reached the top, she found all the Blondes in fear, staring straight ahead at the road, clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.  The brunette asked, “What the heck’s going on up here?  We’re having a great time downstairs!”

One of the Blondes looked up at her, swallowed hard and whispered…


Nice Emails of The Week

Hey, I have been off line for a while. Now I am back and see you are still flawless. Thanks for making me roll.  David

I just watched the last several weeks of Miami Ink and WOW was I inspired by you.  Your experience reminds us to be positive, and thankful, and to have fun.  I love your website and will be reading it all the time now.  Thank you, so very, very much, for spreading your story and being so extremely cool!

Cheers!!!  Sheri

“We have so much more in common than what drives us apart.” Sen. Barack Obama

May 18, 2008

Fancy Seafood
I don't care what anyone says, this is hot!
Well, what did you expect to see?
Tiger Wannabe
World Submarine Racing Championships
F.U.I. (Farming Under the Influence)

Quote of the Week

“Life isn’t about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain.”

—Author Unknown

Joke of the Week

Breaking News:


CNN reports that gas stations will start showing PORN movies on the

screens of the pumps so that you can see someone else get screwed

the same time you do!!!


Nice Emails of The Week

Hey shortarmguy,

Love your website, I check it faithfully every Monday for a good laugh.

Naturally, I thought of your website when I saw this sign at a pizza place in Rock Rapids, IA. 

Maybe I’m the only one who realizes that this sign can mean more than Chicken and Potatoes?  Are people in NW Iowa really that naive?  I’m not sure if is more funny with a sexual innuendo twist or a serial killer twist.  I’ll let you decide.


Nick VW

More Nice Emails regarding My Miami Ink Appearance

Dear Todd,  Like your other fans, I did see you on Miami Ink and your words, I know, gave inspiration to a lot of people.  I just wish they had given you more time but they got the message across!!  And Shari, you really are a very lovely lady and your kindness shows in your smile.  You and your family remain in my prayers and I hold positive, thoughts for you all.   Happiness to you,  Shirley

saw your episode on Miami Ink, It is so nice to put a voice to the guy I send jokes to! all I can say is your parents raised a super  all around guy so down to earth, and Minnesota Nice. Loved the tattoo but knowing your fear of SHARKS , I thought there should be a shark in the waters! hahaha. keep on being sooooo cool, your are the bomb!  long time fan and distant neighbor…Ms July~

Saw the utube version on your website. Great job…you should be proud.  (I think you need to go on my favorite reality show…Big Brother)  SS

hey bro i was looking at the tv the other night and seen the show that you were on. Just wanted to say that i was very impressed to see you getting the tat of your hand on your are, and the reason you did it was awesome. I went to your page that  you said on the show and find it very nice, you have a good looking family and i hope that they are proud of you. i feel that you have helped a lot of people to be proud of the way GOD made them, They are special even if GOD ” Ran out of clay” while making them. I wish you and yours all the best.

Hello,  I just saw your story on Miami Ink and it was very inspirational.  I had some friends in Nebraska, when I lived there, that had the same condition with their arms as you do and I have seen their struggles.  So I went to your website and found out that you live in Minnesota and thought that was very cool b/c I am in Shakopee.  I just thought your whole story about chasing the kids around on the playground was great.  That is it I just wanted to say that I had appreciated your story.  Thanks,  Chastity

One of the coolest things about my Miami Ink Appearance is the multitude of emails from people that have arms like me or have children with arms like me.  Here’s a couple:

i saw you on miami ink  i just wanted to tell you that i have 2 arms like your 1 left arm  your fingers are a little more mobile though   your website is a trip!   take care of yourself—tom

This is Cody.  His dad tells me that he and I are like twins and he sent me several pictures of Cody doing the Shortarmguy Pose! Watch out, world!  The ShortArmPeople are going to rise up and take over!

Bad Signs For Hillary!
Who's Hungry?

Quote of the Week

“Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.”

– Benjamin Spock, doctor

Joke of the Week

Golf With The Wife

A husband reluctantly agreed to play in the couples’ alternate shot tournament at his club. He teed off on the first hole, a par four and blistered a drive 300 yards down the middle of the fairway.
Upon reaching the ball, the husband said to his wife, “Just hit it toward the green, anywhere around there will be fine.”  The wife proceeded to shank the ball deep into the woods.
Undaunted, the husband said, “That’s OK, Sweetheart” and spent the full five minutes looking for the ball.  He found it just in time, but in a horrible position.  He played the shot of his life to get the ball within two feet of the hole.  He told his wife to knock the ball in.
His wife then proceeded to knock the ball off the green and into a bunker. Still maintaining composure, the husband summoned all of his skill and holed the shot from the bunker.

He took the ball out of the cup and while walking off the green, put his arm around his wife and calmly said, “Honey, that was a bogey and that’s OK, but I think we can do better on the next hole.”

To which she replied, “Listen asshole, don’t bitch at me, only 2 of those 5 shots were mine.”

Nice Emails of The Week

I received a flood of emails after my Miami Ink Episode appeared on Thursday night.  Here are some of my favorite excerpts:

Well, just watched it and it was great.

Congrats and tell Miss Sheri she looked great, too.  But she was a little quiet.  😉


Hey my name is Ashley and I recorded the episode of Miami Ink you were
on and I am just now watching it. After you said your web site I went
right to it hoping to find a way to contact you. I can not believe the
positive attitude that you have. I have known so many people that let
the smallest things put a complete stop in their lives, myself being one
of them (by kostis iacovatos). And seeing you talk about your childhood and being able to look
back and joke with Chris about the long sleeves and your hand coming out
made me start laughing and I could picture it in my mind and I thought
that is amazing that even at a young age you kept your head high and
didn’t take shit from anyone. That’s awesome!

Just watched you getting your tattoo on Miami Ink !! Very interesting !! Good to see that you have a great website getting a lot of attention- You deserve it !! I’m so happy to see you accepting your ‘small’ disability so well- Some people just don’t realize how lucky they are, do they? Taking everything for granted. But, truth is- nobody is perfect.  ALSO wonder what you would charge to put my Ebay address on your site? It’s seewhatimsellingnow  Collectibles and ‘stuff’…… Called ‘Betty’s Stuff and Nonscense’…….but seewhatimsellingnow takes you to my auction.  Just let me know.  Glad I got to ‘meet’ you tonight, via ‘Miami Ink’ (my favorite show) It was a pleasure !! Betty L. Johnson

This email is from a mom with a son who’s endured quite a few challenges in life including having hands that are similar to mine.  This one really touched me:

But now to the reason I am e-mailing you. Now that Michael is more ‘aware’ of things, he has also noticed that he is physically different from other children. I think it really hit him when the kids in his class were counting to ten, and like most kids; he uses his fingers…He was so upset and couldn’t verbally express what was going on, but he was at home and counting to 9 with his fingers and then would count to 10 with mine. I told him that God could only make so many people who were special and not like everybody else…I doubt that was the best thing to tell him… Last night my sister in law was watching ‘miami ink’ and she called us right away to give us your website. I showed him your pictures, he would look at your picture and then himself…He did that several times, smiled but said nothing…today he pointed to the computer, so I pulled up the website again, and he smiled…So I wanted to send you an e-mail about my son and to thank you for not being afraid to share your story with the world. It not mean much to some, but to see him smile and see somebody who looks like him…Well it means the world to our little family. Thank You so much for putting a smile on my son’s face! I doubt I could ever thank you enough! I guess he really needed to see that he wasn’t alone and that it is cool to be different…Now hopefully he won’t be asking for a tattoo anytime soon, this mommy isn’t ready for that…ha ha!


Dude, you were great and the tat is amazing. After seeing the show I checked out your sight and it’s great also…what I had time to check out. I will be going back in to see more, soon.

I did want to say before I let you get back to more important business, your DAD tribute is awesome! Your dad and mine had to be made from the same mold. Thank you for making me remember to call my dad before I go to bed tonight. You Rock!!!


     Nashville, TN. 🙂

I  gotta say man you fuccen craaaack me up- just like most people I’m sure- I
first saw you on Miami ink, having over 50 hours myself- I know what a
thrilling experience it can be, that being said- you seem like such an awesome
guy. Its is veeeery nice to see others with such a positive outlook on life-
all I can say is keep doing what your doing my man!!!


Hi saw you the other night and remembered the name of your websight. I have nothing fun to send you just wanted to say you have a great positive outlook on life, i have long arms and get bummed out still. just wanted to say your a cool guy and i am not normally someone who gives a crap about stuff just wanted to say thanks take care and god bless. Eric

I was watching Miami Ink and saw you getting your tattoo, and thought I would check out your web site.  It’s pretty cool.  I had a buddy in high school that had a severe back and hip problem, there were so many people that fucked with him and it really made me mad.  I did all kinds of things with him, one thing that he loved to do is go fishing, and we used to go out on my atv and I would let him drive right out in the water so he could cast out a little further and also have a place to sit.  I haven’t seen him in a few years now but still remember hanging out and playing pool and going fishing.  I know kind of how it feels to be stared at, because people gave my buddy the LOOK all the time when I was with him, and he didn’t get nearly as pissed as I did, I guess he was used to it, but it bothered me.   I will tell my family and friends to check out your site, and I will email you again for sure.

good show last night.  you looked like you were on speed or something LOL

Just saw the episode…great piece and great site…

Take care!

And I thought I was the only one that made fun of myself!!!  Kind of ruins everyone else’s joke when you beat them to the punch.  Myself whenever I get asked if a I can see something (no matter how far away it is) I say with a stone face “nope”.  

The funniest thing is that I have ran into perfectly normal people that actually get offended when I pick on myself.  And to them I say “you just wish your disability could be funny.” 


saw u on miami ink….. you are inspirational and amazing.  people 
should learn from u.


My name is Karen,

I was watching Miami Ink tonight with my kids and husband and happened to see you. I think it is awesome that you are so positive with the way you are. I wish more people could be like you. I looked around your site and love it…

I have added your website link to my myspace page. I love it and know others with also. Hope it is ok with you.

Keep up the great attitude..

Thanks for the laughs.

 Karen in Iowa

i just saw you on miami ink and i think u r funny…u r defiantly an inspiration to everyone


I just saw you on miami ink!!  You rock for supporting out troops!!  My
brother’s a SGT in Iraq. 

just saw you get a gorgeous tat from chris garver. way cool. great attitude, and if thats your wife, nice job dude. we all gotta play the hand we’re dealt. some play better than others. if you ever find yourself in cape cod, lets grab a beer.

Just watched Miami Ink and saw your segment.   I was already a fan of your sight because of the content, now I’m a bigger fan because of the man behind it.

 You’ve got a great attitude and deserve a lot of respect, I know you’ve got mine. Keep doing what you’re doing.  Shawn

We saw you on Miami Ink last night, thanks for sharing! you are an inspiration!

The Caldwell Family

I saw Swank on TV last night, does the camera add 10 or 50 lbs?

My apologies to those who I didn’t post their nice emails this week.  Unfortunately I ran out of space!  Thanks so much to everyone for all the great emails!!!

May 4, 2008

Funny Homeless People

A Face Only a Mother Could Love!
Why it might not be a good idea to go in the woods to find your Golf Ball!

Quote of the Week

Attention WHORE!!!!!!!!!!!

—Sean Quinlan

Sean is a good friend of mine from work and this was his response to me when I sent the company an email link to the Prior Lake American article featuring my Miami Ink appearance.  I guess I kind of deserved it!

Joke of the Week

One night, after the couple had retired for the night, the woman became aware that her husband was touching her in a most unusual manner.

 He started by running his hand across her shoulders and the small of her back. He ran his hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly.  Then, he   proceeded to run his hand gently down her side, sliding his hand over her stomach, and then down the other side to a point below her waist. He continued on, gently feeling her hips, first one side and the other.   His hand ran further down the outside of her thighs.  His gentle probing then started up the inside of her left thigh, stopped and then returned to do the same to her right thigh. 

By this time the woman was becoming aroused and she squirmed a little to better position herself.  The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to his side of the bed.

“Why are you stopping darling?” she whispered.

He whispered back, “I found the remote!”

Crazy Email Archives