On this page, I will post the funniest emails I receive on any given day. So email email@example.com the best stuff you get. I’ll only post the cream of the crop and not the other crap I get. Although I didn’t create the items on this list, my feeling is that they’re in the public domain since they were emailed to me with 600 other people. So no more damn copyright lawsuits!
Warning! Adult Material Below!
January 29, 2005
Nice Email Of The Week
I noticed that you had a bit about Mitchell O’Brien’s pub a while ago. Doug O’Brien is a good friend of mine and it’s unfortunate that the pub has had to close now. Apart from my day job (details below) I also own a pub in Detroit called the Che-Vele sports bar. It’s actually on Ryan road just south of 13 mile road, next to Walgreen’s.
It’s not a very big place, the capacity is around 150 but it’s very friendly and has a “Cheers” type of environment with some of the regulars still coming in after 40 years!
My business partner and co-owner is Bryan Morgan, he comes from Wales and I come from Scotland. We’ve both been in the states for 10 years now.
I’d like to give you and your family an open invitation to drop in whenever you’re in the area and have a beer with me. I think your website is excellent and I look forward to seeing all the updates. Keep up the good work; the world could do with more people like you.
January 22, 2005
Phuket Deep Sea Creatures – Found At Seaside After TSUNAMI
As everyone knows, the tsunami in Southeast Asia was devastating both in the loss of life and economically to the region. However now that the clean up is underway in the region, deep sea creatures that live too deep to be studied are being found scattered throughout the wreckage. These creatures were washed up on shore when the waves hit.
Amazing what lives so far below the surface isn’t it? It is ironic how terrible human tragedy and natural disaster can lead to unprecedented expansion of scientific knowledge.
The theory is the tsunami created enough vertical currents to sweep these deep living creatures to the surface quickly. The gases in their blood expanded rapidly causing death (like divers ascending too quickly).
January 17, 2005
The rest of the story….
I talked with my Vet, Dr Harvey Aluni, in Virginia, MN.
His opinion is the deer most likely was suffering from “subcutaneous emphysema”. This anomaly was likely due to an arrow piercing the hide, the skin and the paunch, but not lethally. The external arrow wound scabbed over or was plugged by tallow. The internal wound allowed methane and carbon dioxide to escape the paunch and abdomen (stomach cavity) and enter the subcutaneous space between the hide and body cavity. This gas is continuously produced by the digestive system and normally passed out of the body. With a “leak” in the system the gas follows the path of least resistance, filling the void between skin and body and producing a buck of Mt Olympia proportions. He thought the buck would (eventually) die a slow death.
You did it a favor. He did not recommend eating it, either. He said the cases he’s seen in dogs have been when the lungs or windpipe is severed and the skin “crackled” when the fur was petted from the air in the fat layer. Did you notice this? Please send the pictures if you would. I would like to see if any other biologists have seen this anomaly before.
Area Wildlife Manager — Tower Area Wildlife
The Christian Thing To Do
A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o’clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger standing in a pouring down rain is asking for a push.
“Not a chance” says the husband-“It’s three o’clock in the morning!”
He slams the door and returns to bed.
“Who was it?” asks his wife.
“Just a drunken stranger asking for a push” he answers.
“Did you help him?” she asks. “NO, I didn’t-it’s three in the morning and raining out!”
“Well, you’ve got a short memory” says his wife.
“Can’t you remember about three months ago when we broke down on vacation and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him.”
The man does as he is told and gets dressed and goes out into the pounding rain and calls out into the dark.
“Hello-are you still there?”
“Yes,” comes the answer.
“Do you still want a push?” calls out the husband.
“Yes, please!” comes the reply from the dark.
“Where are you?” asks the husband.
“Over here on the swing” the drunk replies.
January 8, 2005
Crazy Email Archives