Shortarmguy’s Crazy Emails Apr04

On this page, I will post the funniest emails I receive on any given day.  So email the best stuff you get.  I’ll only post the cream of the crop and not the other crap I get.  Although I didn’t create the items on this list, my feeling is that they’re in the public domain since they were emailed to me with 600 other people.  So no more damn copyright lawsuits!

Warning! Adult Material Below!

April 25, 2004

Shortarmguy makes a cameo in Quentin Tarantino’s Awesome New Movie, Kill Bill Volume 2


A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair,  turned on the TV, and said to his wife “Quick, bring me a beer before it starts”.

She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When he  finished it, he said, “Quick, bring me another beer. It’s gonna start.”
This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer.  When it was gone, he said, “Quick, another beer before it starts.”
“That’s it!” She blows her top, “You bastard! You waltz in here,  flop your fat ass down, don’t even say hello to me and then expect me to  run around like your slave. Don’t you realize that I cook and clean and  wash and iron all day long?”

The husband sighed. “Oh shit, it’s started.”

Why are we still there?

Every day and every night, there are news reports and photos of death and destruction…
Why are we still there?

We occupied this land, which we had to take by force, but it causes us nothing but trouble…
Why are we still there?

Many of our nation’s finest young people go there and never come back…
Why are we still there?

Their government is unstable, and they have horrid leadership…
Why are we still there?

Many of their people are uncivilized…
Why are we still there?

With each disaster, natural and otherwise, we’re supposed to bail them out…
Why are we still there?

There are more than 1000 religious sects, which we do not understand…
Why are we still there?

Their folk-ways, foods and fads are unfathomable to ordinary Americans…
Why are we still there?

We can’t secure their borders…
Why are we still there?

They are billions of dollars in debt and it will cost us billions more to rebuild, which we can’t afford…
Why are we still there?

It is becoming all too clear…

The Mark Man has taken another shot at the Bush Administration!

The Reason Why Women Live Longer Than Men

Donald Rumsfeld Still Loves Anything To Do With Shortarmguy Was Shut Down By The Man!!

A couple weeks ago, went dead.  I called up my Web Hosting Provider and asked them what was the problem.  They dared to tell me that my site was taking up too many resources!  They said the traffic my site was generating was slowing down other people’s websites which were stored on the same server as mine.  They pulled the plug on Shortarmguy, because the site was becoming too popular.

Conspiracy theories raced through my head!  I was thinking it was another attack by the Anti-Cripples League.  The group who want to hold back Shortarmguy from letting his message be heard!  They don’t want people who feel like they’re held back by their perceived differences to find inspiration from a source like this!!!!!!  They hate Handicapped People who push themselves to do great things with their lives!  They especially hate Shortarmguy!

I attempted to negotiate with my Hosting Provider and pleaded with them not to side with those who want to stifle the voice of a man who preaches the gospel of Daring To Be Different!  I exclaimed “Just because a guy has funny arms, doesn’t mean he can’t live the life of a rock star!!!”

They didn’t care.  They must be too brainwashed by the Anti-Cripple Hate Groups, I guess.

They actually acted like they didn’t know what I was talking about, the sneaky bastards.  They pretended that because my site was using up so much bandwidth, I need to upgrade to their premium plan.  They might as well call it the “We Hate The Physically Challenged Plan!”

But I couldn’t leave the Fans of hanging.  I had to get the site live again, even if it meant forking over another $180.00 out of my own pocket.

If you’d like to help keep Shortarmguy’s Message alive…please, throw me a bone! 

Help Support!!  Click On The Make A Donation Button!!  Paypal accepts all major credit cards.

April 17, 2004

Happy Easter!!!

These hunters have a response for their friends at PETA

Camel Spiders

From someone stationed in Baghdad. He was recently bitten by a camel spider which was hiding in his sleeping bag. I thought you’d like to see what a camel spider looks like. It’ll give you a better idea of what our troops are dealing with. Enclosed is a picture of his friend holding up two spiders. Warning: not for the squeamish!

This picture is a perfect example of why you don’t want to go to the desert. These are 2 of the biggest I’ve ever seen. With a vertical leap that would make a pro basketball player weep with envy (they have to be able to jump up on to a camels stomach after all), they latch on and inject you with a local anesthesia so you can’t feel it feeding on you. They eat flesh, not just suck out your juices like a normal spider. I’m gonna be having night mares after seeing this photo!

Another original photo made for Shortarmguy By The Mark Man

Whale Job

Road Rage Kitty Cat

I have no idea who the Esks are, but I discovered this photo of some of their cheerleaders here.

Apparently one of their fans also likes

Go Riders!

Nice Email Of The Week

dear shortarmguy:

i know you probably get a thousand emails like this a day but…….. I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!(well really really like you anyway) your site is my favorite passtime! im a comedy/drama nerd and i know funny like the shape of my d*ck and your site is hilarious. every time i go on i look and laugh at your emails for hours… sometimes almost days 🙂 but seriously you are my hero. ive met only a precious few people in my time that are so in love with life that they realize their differences  are really what make them beautiful people–its really not the clothes you wear its whose wearing them- besides in five years you wont fit into them anymore anyway(my mantra). and you are so right about society turning soft. the fact is that we are all “challenged” by some physical, mental, or emotional problem. the easiest and fastest way to come to terms and defeat these problems is to laugh about them. what good does it do to pretend like they are not their(and more so pretend like they are not funny hehehe)? i have lived with ADD(attention deficit disorder) since before i can remember. i have found that by telling my famous ADD jokes i can make people laugh and laugh for weeks. sometimes my ADDDDD(oops, got a little excited there hehe) gets the better of me and people stop laughing with me and start laughing at me. but who cares! i got ADD! i can’t hold my attention on one thing for more than a few seconds… pretty soon i forget about it and im back in the game! i know you know all this stuff because you are the master. i tell everyone i get a chance to about shortarmguy dot com. you inspire me to laugh at myself, and in this time in this world, that is the best medicine. you and your beautiful family are always in my prayers. take care and God bless

4 ~Äϯ4 

April 10, 2004

Happy Easter!!!!!

Don’t rising gas prices just make you feel great?

Big Bill Clinton’s Bedroom 

A couple of boners…

Get her, boy!

Nice Emails Of The Week

Your website is amazing, it captures the real world and what really goes on. I love the pictures that are just plain taking the micky( and some of the rude ones too).

Even though I might not be handicapped like you, I still believe your website is inspirational non the less.  Heck, I get made fun of because I’m short.  Well, best wishes short arm guy.
Your my hero.
Matt B

April 4, 2004

A Cool Shortarmguy Lite-Brite Made By Someone Who Goes By The Name LostWire

Give Me Four! 

A new original photo for Shortarmguy from The Mark Man

Classic Entertainment Moments Starring John Kerry

The Three Stooges

Laurel And Hardy

Barney Fife

Do You Think Miss Jackson May Be Getting Tired Of All The Attention?

Simon Cowell Seems To Agree With Her

Finally!  A Designated Driver Program That Makes Sense!

Shortarmguy’s Beloved Co-Workers Uncovered This Photo

“Shortarmguy From His Rapping Days”

Crazy Email Archives