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Shortarmguy's Crazy Emails

The Definition of Insanity

A Bush Family Christmas

I can't decide if this is funny or mean.

Friendship and Love all rolled into one!

Our Server Room has a little wiring problem...

Man!  Global Warming is a Bitch!

Fun Ads

Quote of the Week

"In soloing, as in other activities, it is far easier to start something than to finish it."

-- Amelia Earhart, aviator

Jokes of the Week

Old People

I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes.  We decided to grab a bite to eat at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at him.

The teenager would look and find him staring every time. When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, "What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?"

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on
his response; knowing he would have a good one. And in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response...

"Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you
were my son!"

 

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Another Bigfoot Sighting

One way to avoid getting too much money out of the ATM

When you have to go on the go...

On second thought, I guess I don't really have to go...

 

Quote of the Week

"Don't quack like a duck.. soar like an eagle."

-- Ken Blanchard, Business Author and Speaker

 

Jokes of the Week

A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York City two days before Thanksgiving. 

 I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing," he says. "Forty-five years is enough.  

Pop, what are you talking about? the son screams. 

We cant stand the sight of each other any longer, the father says. Im sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her. 

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. Like heck theyre getting divorced, she shouts. Ill take care of this! 

She calls her parents immediately, and screams at her father, You are NOT getting divorced. Dont do a single thing until I get there. Im calling my brother back, and well both be there tomorrow. Until then, dont do a thing! 

The father hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. OK, he says, The kids are coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way.

BEST EVER BLONDE JOKE?

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."

He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then .." he said with a deep sigh, . .. . . . .. .

"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."

 

Nice Emails of the Week

From Steve "Cuds" Cuddihy:

But I really like marching bands. Honestly I do. This one a gem, hope you enjoy it even though its just over 6 minutes long.

 This is the Cal band playing a halftime show from earlier this month. It's their "video game show," and it's pretty much the coolest thing ever. They run through a number of classic game songs, all while forming scenes from the games out of the band itself. It's got everything from Pong and Tetris to Zelda and Mario, and it's amazing. It makes me want to play Nintendo and join a drum line all at the same time. Well, maybe just play Nintendo, but you get the idea.

 http://www.milkandcookies.com/link/79608/detail/

 

 

This is a HillBilly!

When it absolutely positively has to get there!!

Glad to finally get that question answered!

How you know the world is a happy place...

I've discovered what I want for my next tattoo!

High Tide Heels

How to feed a lizard.

You gotta do what you gotta do!

After Vikings Rookie Running Back, Adrian Peterson, broke the NFL single game rushing record, my co-worker Steve "Cuds" Cuddihy decided he was the cover boy for Madden 2009.  Looks like the "Madden Curse" has already happened to him since he was hurt in today's game against the Packers and couldn't return to the action!

Secret - Do Not Forward

This was sent to me by an associate in the surveillance field. I am
 sharing it with friends and family on a need to know basis. I cannot
 vouch for its validity but, if true, it could very well rock the
 foundation of this country.

 This is classified material, so do not ask how or where I got it.

But I feel someone should know the truth.

Quote of the Week

"Think you can, think you can't; either way, you'll be right."

-- Henry Ford, Industrialist

Joke of the Week

An elderly gent had serious hearing problems for many years. He went to
 the doctor and was fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed him to
hear perfectly - - 100%. He went back to the doc a month later, as
directed, and the doctor said:  "Your hearing is perfect! Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."

The old man replied:  "Oh, I haven't told my
family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've
changed my will three times!"

Nice Emails of the Week

loved your site so much that i took some time to copy the email
section into a web site of my own because the school web filters block
yours. i will be shure to give you all credit for the fun stuff
section. if you would like to take a look at it it is
http://www.freewebs.com/washburngame/ i hope you enjoy it.
 

Bunny Threesome

 Deer Threesome

 

That dog has always been a great duck hunter!

Most Obedient Dog I've Ever Known

Why Trampolines are so Dangerous!

Seeing this would almost make it worth it to be pulled over!

The Real Miss America

Yeah....you probably don't want to date her.

Ummmm.....can I get a little help here?

 

Quote of the Week

"You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you."

-- Dale Carnegie, author, educator

Joke of the Week

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, 
the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset. 
 
Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided 
the latest episode was another and stayed put. He suddenly filled 
his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to 
remain rational. 
 
In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up 
the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window. 
 
A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. 
He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying 
to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets 
in a tangled pile at his feet. 
 
As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the 
sheets, a hospital security guard, (barely containing his 
(laughter), and who had watched the whole incident, walked up and 
asked, "What the heck is going on here?" 
 
The drunk, still staring down replied: "I think I just beat the shit 
out of a ghost." 
 
Happy Halloween! 
:)

Nice Emails of the Week

Good morning and a very happy Thursday to you. This is my friend Graham from England Beatles  Web Site, thought you could maybe mention it on your site, I'm sure there are people here that would be interested in it. He doesn't sell anything or make money from it , but its all about the Beatles, He was a former Disc Jockey so he knows a lot about Music.

http://www.jpgr.co.uk/beatroot.html

CJM

Hi there, just received these unusual pics of a hippo down on the beach. I used to live in Richards Bay before I moved to England, and I have to say wow, never thought I would see a hippo on the beach there.

 Just some special pics of a hippo that decided to visit the ocean for a couple of weeks end Sept to mid Oct at a popular beach in Richards Bay.  Apparently not uncommon for this to happen.  Its thought they cleanse parasites etc in the sea water.  Nature is a funny old thing.

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On this page, I will post the funniest emails I receive on any given day.  So email shortarmguy@aol.com the best stuff you get.  I'll only post the cream of the crop and not the other crap I get.  Although I didn't create the items on this list, my feeling is that they're in the public domain since they were emailed to me with 600 other people.  So no more damn copyright lawsuits!

 

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