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Shortarmguy's Crazy Emails
On this page, I will post the funniest emails I receive on any given day. So email shortarmguy@aol.com the best stuff you get. I'll only post the cream of the crop and not the other crap I get. Although I didn't create the items on this list, my feeling is that they're in the public domain since they were emailed to me with 600 other people. So no more damn copyright lawsuits!
Warning! Adult Material Below!
July 31, 2005
Not sure who these people are, but I did find this email to be quite interesting:
A very eventful day around here... A once in many lifetime experience!
Mark saw this lil' feller run out in front of a car, thought it
was a lost baby goat. Stopped to get it, and WOW. A real Albino Whitetail
Deer. Just hours old, but doing fine. No Momma deer around. Another
car nearly hit it in front of Mark.
Well, he is THE neatest thing any of us ever seen. And such a 'freak of
nature', that only 1 in more than a million are even born. He took his bottle of
food, followed us around the house, doing great. So, we called the Zoo @ Fossil
Rim, who were both interested, but going to send him to a Rehab farm, at a vet
that we have never gotten along with. So, one of Dad's best friends is our Game
Warden.
Kinda reluctantly, I called him and told him the deal. He came right over, of
course ... and assured me that he wouldn't take it to that vet, that he
was going to 'go to higher levels' than that with him. So, he is gone now. We
got a lot of pix, and something we will never see again probably, so it
was very cool. Maybe he will make it in captivity somewhere and be appreciated.
So rare ... sure wanted to keep him though. but, not the thing to do. And not
LEGAL either ; But here area couple of pix to show ya. He was snow white, pink
eyes, ears, nose and hooves. Kids called him POWDER. He was SO small. That is
my shoe lying beside him... WOW ... how cool is that? I'd call it ... "TENDER":
Here's a picture of a public toilet in HOUSTON
Now that you have seen the
outside view of the Toilet,
Just spend another moment scrolling down to see how it looks from inside..!!
That's made entirely out of
one-way glass. No one can see you in there,
but when you are inside, it looks like you're sitting in a clear glass box.
Would you you use it ???
Snake VS Electric Fence
Pitbull Vs Porcupine
I only have eyes for you!
Fun Bumper Stickers!
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July 25, 2005
Last week, I linked to some funny pictures from a Shortarmguy visitor who goes by the name of Tribblechomper.
This week, Tribblechomper sent me a couple of original photos for my site.
Clever Work, Dan!
Why you don't want to be on an oil rig during a hurricane!
And Not Red!
I only have eyes.......for you.....
I'm guessing no one at the DMV anticipated this one!
Scary Shirts For Kids!
Known Enemy of Shortarmguy, Mark Donovan, is claiming he caught this fish...but I'm guessing he's making this up and is just trying to get back on my good side after all these years apart. He knows how much I love fish.
Donovan is also claiming he goes fishing for really big Northern Pike by using other Northerns for bait.....
Pumpkin Suicides Are Pure Tragedy!
July 17, 2005
Somebody was in a Bush Bashing Mood This Week
"President Bush fell off his mountain bike down on his ranch in Texas. A couple weeks ago, John Kerry fell off his bicycle. See, doesn't this make you miss President Clinton? That guy, he could ride anything without falling off." —Jay Leno
"You know what really makes this embarrassing? The other day the president said
the leaders in Iraq are 'ready to take off the training wheels.' That's what he
said, 'take off the training wheels.' Then he goes out and falls off his
bicycle. And they wonder why the rest of the world doesn't take us seriously."
—Jay Leno
Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees a big bad wolf crouched down behind a log.
"My, what big eyes you have, Mr.Wolf."
The wolf jumps up and runs away.
Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched behind a bush.
"My what big ears you have, Mr. Wolf."
Again the wolf jumps up and runs away.
About two miles down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched down behind a rock.
"My what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf."
With that the wolf jumps up and screams, "Will you knock it off, I'm trying to poop!!!!!"
Men start this practice at a very early age.
Umm, sir. You can't make those types of deposits here.
I'm telling you, Benny. Those two chicks are checking us out. This is our time, baby. This is our time!
This is real. The World's Ugliest Dog. More details here.
Nice Email Of The Week
I've been dying to find a connection to you, or your website. Let me start off with I found your website very randomly. I still dont know what I searched for on google but I found it and was immediatly hooked to it. This was easily since 2003 or before, but how can I forget such entertainment. Its the way you percieve your disabilty (if you call it that). Most people would look at themselves and see how unfortunate they are, but you turned it into a comedy act and so much more. Well without straying from the point to much, the picture you have put up of the mail box thats a bycyclist where you put the mail up it's butt... I've been there!! Its located in Montecito CA, next to Santa Barbara CA. What you may or may not know is that the house that owns that mailbox used to be owned by Steve Martin, the comedian; I believe it was him who had it put in. I just thought that you might like to know this useless fact, that and I'm SOOOOOOO glad I finally found a reason to email you. Also, keep doing what your doing, you will be famous. In my opinion you already are.
Greg k. 21 years old, San jose, CA
July 9, 2005
Happy 4th of July!!!
I guess it's Dick's week to get slammed!
Postcard From Florida
In an effort to make herself as least attractive to sharks as possible, Martha shed every bit of body fat which might make her look "appetizing".
No, Grandma. I don't think you need any sunscreen.
I don't know, Bob. The new electric mousetrap might be a bit too powerful...
Best Halloween Costume Ever!
Barbra's Wedding was nothing but "High Class" the entire day!
Why it's a good idea to let the co-pilot prepare the plane for takeoff...
Ooooooohh! I just love getting the mail!!
Crazy Food
Nice Email Of The Week
Thanks For Welcoming Us Into Your Home
And that is what you do!!
...just come on in .. take your shoes off ... relax .. have a drink .. meet my family ..
and let me make you Laugh!!! ...and by the way I have a story to tell!!!!!!
You are so boldly funny with a wonderful heart that we can feel every time we visit!
We Laugh... Oh my God that chapstick ........ and cry... ie,.. aww "Ong Fat" and Ben's Column,.....with happy tears....., at your very balanced content!!
I have visited many websites and some are kind of funny.., but no warmth.
You are a very gifted entertainer as you know just what to say while providing very rich content each and every week.
I am one who will keep coming back!!!
I loved it all! ....but, ...OK I did watch American Pie and I don't recall what GILF means.
Sherries parents look like they were having a ball They look just as sweet as she does.
I really did not know Ben Stein until today..what a guy huh?
Thanks Again and God Bless all of you richly.
Anne
July 3, 2005
Some of you might need an explanation on this one.
Rent the movie American Pie, watch it, and then you'll figure it out.
Check out the bulge in the Vice President's Pants! Guess that's why he's called Dick Cheney!
Well, Thank God for that else you'd be looking at Prisoner # 4561123007864!
You know....I'll just take your word on this one...
Yeah? I'm going to have to take your word on this one as well...
Ohhhh....if only this were true...my brain would need to be a killing machine!
This was true for me as well....otherwise I would have never kissed a girl in high school!
Ummmm....you might want to see a doctor about that...
The first step to fixing a problem is admitting that you have one.
I'm guessing nobody cares either...
Nice Email Of The Week
I’ve
been enjoying your site for the past couple of years and thought you might
enjoy this article…..it just reminded me of some of the things you have
been posting on the site lately. Keep
up the great work.
David
http://www.doggienews.com/2005/06/puppy-born-with-six-legs-and-two.htm
Dear Shortarmguy, Now that you showed us your toes last issue, I'll show you mine, we want to wish you and your family a "Happy 4th of July" yes, I was BORN ON THE 4th Of July!
Love your site
Fans from Minnesota, Party On!!!
Miss July also sent the following:
Is that you Shortarmguy on the deck? Look at the picture very closely!
Help Support Shortarmguy.com!!
Crazy Email Archives
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Funny jokes, audio files, video files that I can post here?
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Naked pictures of yourself or your girlfriend?
Email me at shortarmguy@aol.com.
Copyright © 2005 by Swank! Productions --- All rights reserved