The Pool Party

Diary Entry For August 16, 2009 Email Shortarmguy at
On Sunday, we went to a pool party with a couple of my co-workers, Sean and Bob, and their ladies, Anne and Sonya. This pool was a little hidden paradise in the middle of Bloomington, Minnesota, but felt secluded like we were at a resort in the middle of nowhere. Despite the incredible privacy, as far as I know, nobody got naked.
Probably the main reason for that was because we brought Luke and Avery. They had a blast swimming all day. At first I was concerned if they’d have a good time since they were going to be the only kids at the party. But they quickly warmed to the idea and became little performers for the adults. Bob and Sean later told me that they were “Fine” and not completely “Obnoxious” like they appeared to me, but their mother and I were pretty much “Mortified” by their behavior.
I don’t know what it is, but every time Sean is around me he always has to be holding his balls.
I don’t know what it is, but every time Luke rides on my back in the pool, he always feels the need to relieve himself. I’ve gotten to the point where I’m pretty much used to it and actually have grown to the point where I enjoy the warm sensation.
Bob showed off his awesome “Grill Skill” and cooked up some delicious chicken breasts for us. He seasoned them with a few cigar ashes which added just the right amount of flavoring to them!
On Friday, we all went golfing at Cleary Lake Golf Course. It was a beautiful day and the course was immaculate! Perfect for us to chunk up with all those extra strokes we like to take!!
Krazy Kory and Ron “Sugarman” Myers drove up from Iowa to join us for the round of golf. We started off as two different threesomes, but joined groups on the 4th hole and became the craziest sixsome on the course. These guys are the perfect role models for Luke and Avery!!
etween holes, Ron likes to climb trees. We take extra strokes off his score if he jumps from heights that appear to be really dangerous.
Later that night, Kory and Ron challenged each other to WII Sword Fighting. Either that or it was WII Masturbation Challenge. I can’t remember which one it was.
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Quote of the Week

β€œTo stay ahead, you must have your next idea waiting in the wings.”

– Rosabeth Moss Kanter, educator

Jokes of the Week

Buddy and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year,

And every year Buddy would say,

‘Edna, I’d like to ride in that helicopter’

Edna always replied,

‘I know Buddy, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks,

And fifty bucks is fifty bucks’

One year Buddy and Edna went to the fair, and Buddy said,

‘Edna, I’m 85 years old. If I don’t ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance’

To this, Edna replied,

“Buddy that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks’

The pilot overheard the couple and said,

‘Folks I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don’t say a word I won’t charge you a penny! But if you say one word it’s fifty dollars.’

Buddy and Edna agreed and up they went.

The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard.

He did his daredevil tricks over and over again,

But still not a word…

When they landed, the pilot turned to Buddy and said,

‘By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn’t. I’m impressed!’

Buddy replied,
‘Well, to tell you the truth,

I almost said something when Edna fell out,
But you know,

“Fifty bucks is fifty bucks!’

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Dog In Swing

August 16, 2009


1. A day without sunshine is like night.

2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

9. Support bacteria. They’re the only culture most people have.

10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

14. OK, so what’s the speed of dark?

15. When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.

19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

20. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?

21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, ‘What the heck happened?’

22. Just remember — if the world didn’t suck, we would all fall off.

23. Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

24. Life isn’t like a box of chocolates. It’s more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.