December 19, 2004
It’s Christmas Time and there’s Chraziness in the air!!! We don’t have any snow in Minnesota yet, but it’s getting darned cold outside. It’s a balmy 2 degrees below zero outside as I write this….a good time to stay inside and get disappointed by the Minnesota Vikings again!!
I finally completed all my Christmas Shopping!
Let me re-phrase, my wife completed all of our Christmas shopping finally! Yayyyy!! I did write our Christmas letter, though, which always seems to be an overwhelming task!
I also noticed that the Star Tribune has archived Luke and Avery’s article, so I re-created it on my website for those of you who haven’t had a chance to read it yet.
I won’t be able to do an update on the website Christmas weekend, so I tried to add some extra stuff here for the week I’ll be taking off. Be sure to stop back some time on New Year’s weekend for more Shortarmguy Wackiness!!
I Hope Everyone Enjoys Their Holidays and I Look Forward To Great Things In 2005!!!!!!
December 12, 2004
The Shortarmguy Family took our annual Christmas trek down to Marshall Fields in Downtown Minneapolis to see their politically correct Christmas display. They had Snow White this year and of course they couldn’t use the bad word “Dwarves”. Instead, Snow White met a bunch of short guys. Classy!
I’m not sure what the Royal Arms sign was supposed to represent above, but it seemed like a nice way for Marshall Fields to welcome Shortarmguy to their display. So they got that going for them!
December 5, 2004
As you can see in my lovely picture above, I had a wonderful week battling Pinkeye!! Don’t worry, my website shouldn’t be contagious!! The infection really sucked because it spread into my sinuses and ears. On Monday night, I couldn’t hear from my ears or see from my eyes. I was crying like a little schoolgirl!
I hope everyone is having fun shopping and preparing for the upcoming holidays! Don’t forget to download the new Christmas song I added this week. I’m sure some people will be offended by it, but my co-workers play it/sing it to me over and over again so I’m certain there will be many others who find it hilarious. Especially if you have a crippled co-worker or friend you can torment with it! I work with such swell people!
June 27, 2004
Shortarmguy spent the weekend in Iowa City at his college roommate’s wedding reception.
Congratulations Ron and Kristie Myers!
Shortarmguy brought the family down to mingle with the fellows who helped land him in jail more times than anyone else on earth.
We also tried to set Luke and Avery free in the cornfields, but they just didn’t seem interested in making it their new home.
Shortarmguy met this gentleman at the keg. He gave Shortarmguy crap and called him “a little girl” for selecting Miller Lite over Pabst Blue Ribbon. Apparently, he’s a big fan of PBR and said he went by the name of Cigar. Shortarmguy looked him in the eye and said “Sorry, buddy. I don’t have any little girl in me…..but I’ve been in plenty of little girls. I’ll switch to PBR and challenge you to slug one against me.” Shortarmguy poured a cold beer and slammed it before Cigar had a chance to react. Cigar said “Well, you have to give me a chance to pour a new beer!” Shortarmguy exclaimed “That was just a practice one! Now let’s go!!” Needless to say, Shortarmguy slammed his beer quicker than Cigar did. Cigar proved himself a valiant drinker later in the evening, however. At the end of the night, he slammed the remains of a fifth of Jack Daniels and celebrated by puking on a tree.
2004 International Beer Shotgun Invitational
Shortarmguy’s Title of Fastest Man To Shotgun A Beer was challenged this weekend by Khang Dao of Viet Nam.
Mr. Dao watched in fascination as Shortarmguy guzzled a warm-up beer before throwing down the ultimatum that he could do better.
Khang then stepped up and attempted to shotgun a beer of his own. Two quick swallows were suddenly followed by a violent burst of choking and sputtering.
Shortarmguy quickly put the young lad back in his place by shot-gunning a second can in less than 3 seconds.
Judging of the Competition had to be delayed several times since most of the judges had a very difficult time keeping their passionate hands off of each other.
Judge Randall became extremely excited when he learned that Khang’s punishment for losing consisted of the young Asian being eaten whole by the judges.
The Only Reason Shortarmguy.com is So Successful is Because the Media wants a Crazy, Crippled Guy To Be Famous.
— Rush Limbaugh