Scott County Fair

Diary Entry For July 27, 2008

I celebrated my 38th birthday on Sunday, July 20th.  You know you’re getting old when the family doesn’t even bother trying to put all the candles on the cake any more.  I’m back down to only one candle so I did like I did at my first birthday party and picked up the cake with my hands and rubbed it all over my face.  It made me feel young again!  And then I got kicked out of the Outback.

On Monday, Luke and Avery left home for four whole nights to go to Camp Odayin which is an awesome camp for kids with heart conditions.  They shared a cabin with only 5 other boys as well as two counselors and a cardiac nurse.   With that kind of supervision, we felt pretty secure entrusting them with our babies.  We only cried ourselves to sleep the first couple of nights.

We had no communication with the boys except via the Camp’s website which was updated daily with pictures like these.  It’s hard to tell the boys to be sure to hold on to that horse when you know it probably happened the day before.

On Tuesday night, Miss Sheri and I battled the crowds to go see The Dark Knight.  It was literally one of the most thrilling movies I’ve ever seen!  One Really Big Thumb Up for that one for sure!  We saw it at the IMAX Theater at the Minnesota Zoo which really enhanced the experience.    You felt like you were hovering over the world where this story was happening.  I honestly can’t imagine going to see another event movie at any other theater.  Too bad they bend you over at the box office, because seeing this roller coaster ride of a movie on that massive screen was extremely engaging!

This is Grant.  I met him for the first time on Tuesday night.  I was walking out of the Imax Theater and he yelled “Shortarmguy!  Yeah!”  Grant told me he’s been visiting my website for a couple of years ever since he was working at Lifetime Fitness and some buddies introduced him to it.  He told me he enjoys my crazy pictures.  I thought Grant was one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met in my life!

On Wednesday night, Miss Sheri, Grandma Linda, and I went to the Scott County Fair in Jordan, Minnesota.  Although it was fun to see the horses, cows, sheep, rabbits, and chickens, I have to admit it just wasn’t the same doing it without the boys.  Normally when I go with them, they watch for the cops while I harass the farm animals.  

Grandma Linda has always dreamed of having her photo taken next to a wooden horse head.  It was nice to give her the chance to cross this item off her bucket list.

This is the Baynes Family.  I met them for the first time on Wednesday night.  Tom and Cara told me they’d seen my episode of Miami Ink and then asked to see my tattoo.  Cara also told me she’s visited my site since seeing the show.  I thought the Baynes Family was one of the nicest families I’ve ever met in my life!

One of the highlights of the fair was seeing the hay bale decorating competition.  It ranked right up there with watching the cows trying to give each other piggy back rides.

On Friday night, we picked the boys up at the bus which had brought them home from camp.  I’d expected them to come running to us in tears exclaiming how terrible life was being away from home and that we should never leave their sides again.  Surprisingly, they stepped off the bus full of smiles and filled with tales of all the good times they had.  I then met the lovely young ladies who were their camp counselors for the week.  For the rest of the night, all I could think was “How can I go to camp next year?”

The longest snake I’ve ever seen!

When firefighters get bored…

Why women need catalogs… 

People are Having Fun with Brett Favre this Week!

I don’t remember seeing this in the new Indy movie!

Now this is just sad!

Quote of the Week

“Kites rise highest against the wind, not with it.”

– Winston Churchill, British prime minister

Jokes of the Week

    Barack Obama, the Presidential Democratic Party candidate, is for banning all guns in America .  He is considered  by those who have dealt with him as a bit more than  just a little  self-righteous.

At a recent rural elementary school assembly in  East Texas, he asked the audience for total quiet.  Then, in the silence, he started to  slowly clap his hands once every few seconds, holding  the audience in total  silence.

Then he said into the microphone, ‘Children, every time I clap  my hands together, a child in America dies from gun  violence.’

      Then, little Richard Earl, with a proud East Texas drawl,  pierced the quiet and said:  ”Well, dumb-ass, stop clapping!

A recent study conducted by Harvard University found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year.

Another study by the American Medical Association found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.

This means that Americans get an average of about 41 miles to the gallon.

Kinda makes you proud to be an American.


What’s in a name?


A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive man standing alone.  She approached him.


‘My name is Carmen,’ she told him.


‘That’s a beautiful name,’ he replied,  ‘Is it a family name?’


‘No,’ she replied.  ‘I gave it to myself.  It reflects the things I like most — cars and men.’


‘What’s your name?’ she asked.


He said, ‘B. J. Titsengolf’

Nice Emails of The Week

hey! i’m shikin from Singapore and the episode which you were in at Miami Ink was played not long ago last week. you are really funny! you make me laugh so hard while checking out your site. you are someone who looks on the brighter side of things. you inspire me to be yourself no matter what. i have scars on my legs due to constant scratching and i’m really shy about putting on skirts cos guys would laugh at me and call me ‘coin legs’ (cos of the size and shape of the scar). but after watching you and seeing the determination that you have,i want to have that in me to! i could go for surgical operation but i dont have the income to. lets keep in contact through emails and please! you are someone special dude!!! =)))))

Shortarmguy’s Favorite Websites

July 27, 2008

Todd Swank, vice president of marketing at Nor-Tech, a Burnsville, Minn.-based system builder, sees Ballmer’s statements as a sign of Microsoft’s desire to figure out how to provide the Apple experience, and to get its partners to provide that same experience to customers.

“This is something they recognize that Apple is doing well; i.e. the cleaner, more user friendly end-to-end experience,” Swank said.

Todd Swank, vice president of marketing at Nor-Tech, a Burnsville, Minn.-based system builder, says he’s been seeing a steady uptick in the number of customers who are ready to move from XP to Vista. “I do think peoples’ perceptions of Vista are changing. It’s exciting, because Vista has been unfairly maligned for a long time,” he said.

Leopard Vs. Crocodile — I wouldn’t want to get in the middle of this one!


Swingtown — Best New TV Show of the Summer!


Extraordinary Lions

Randy Pausch Last Lecture:  Achieving Your Childhood Dreams

Shortarmguy’s Emails To Make You Think

Email Shortarmguy at

July 27, 2008

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies.  His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the  entrance.

“Welcome to heaven,” says St. Peter. “Before you settle in,  it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts,  you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.”

“No problem, just let me in,” says the man.

“Well, I’d like to, but I  have orders from higher up. What we’ll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.”

“Really, I’ve made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,”  says the senator.

“I’m sorry, but we have our rules.”

And with  that, St. Peter
escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down  to hell. The
doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green  golf course.
In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it  are all his
friends and other politicians who had worked with  him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had  while getting rich at the expense of the people.  They play a  friendly game of
golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly  guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such  a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises…

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

“Now it’s time to visit heaven.” 

So, 24 hours pass with the
senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing.  They have a good time and, before he
realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

“Well, then, you’ve spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.”

The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: “Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but
I think I would be better off  in hell.”

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down,  down, down to hell.

Now the doors of  the elevator open and he’s in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his  shoulder. “I don’t understand,” stammers the senator. “Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there’s just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?”

The devil looks at him, smiles and says,

“Yesterday we were campaigning…Today you voted.”

Body Information



The largest cell in the human body is the female egg and the smallest is the male sperm.
It takes the food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
One human hair can support 3 kg (6 lb).
The average man’s penis is three times the length of his thumb.
Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.
A woman’s heart beats faster than a man’s.
There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
Women blink twice as often as men.
The average person’s skin weighs twice as much as the brain.
Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.
If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.
Men that read this are probably still busy checking their thumbs.