Russia’s Grizzly Coast

Diary Entry For June 15, 2008

On Thursday night, the weather was finally nice enough to go for a little boat ride and swim.  We were so excited for Spring to finally start in the middle of June!

Although Miss Sheri and Grandma Linda thought we were crazy, the boys and I insisted on swimming at Candy Cove on Prior Lake.  The water wasn’t that cold.  Only about a 6 on the Shrinkage Scale.

We had some new friends come to the boat to visit us and beg for food.  The boys and I tried to swim over to them to see if we could get them to sit on our shoulders like parrots, but they weren’t having any of that.

Grandma Linda seems to like going on the boat, but she spends a lot of time belly aching about the wind and how cold it is.  We gave her a towel to wrap up in to see if that were make her happy and she just started smiling from ear to ear.  Mission accomplished.

On Saturday, we went to the Minnesota Zoo to see the brand new exhibit, Russia’s Grizzly Coast.  This new attraction cost nearly $30 million dollars to build and all it does is hold a few bears, some pigs, otters, and leopards. It opened last weekend and the dang leopards are too scared and are still hiding from the zoo visitors.  For $30 million dollars, I thought the leopards should come out and dance the hokey pokey for all of us to enjoy.  

The grizzly bears were pretty cool.  I half expected them to be sleeping when we arrived in the early afternoon, but they were quite frisky as they swam around in front of us and then started wrestling hard.   I was surprised to learn that the zoo actually acquired these bears from Alaska, instead of Russia.  I asked one of the zoo employees why they didn’t call this the Alaskan Grizzly Coast.  She told me it was because the pigs and other animals were from Russia.  I said why didn’t you call this the Russian Pig Coast then?  She looked at me like she wanted me to leave, so I did.

This friendly little otter came up to the glass and stared right at the boys and I.   After seeing me, he suddenly lifted his arms into the Shortarmguy pose which I thought was very, very kind.

We are here.

And it’s darned exciting.

Avery was pretty proud of himself after navigating this Lava Tube.  I didn’t have the heart to tell him that it looked like he just crawled out of King Kong’s Bung Hole.

No bathing suits allowed in the lobby!

Steaming Cup of Coffee

How to Get Rid of a One Night Stand

Brian never knew what kind of mood he’d wake up in…

All right, this made me lose my appetite.

This didn’t make me very hungry either.

Hey, what do you have in there?

Penguin Squirt!

New Speed Control Device

Quote of the Week

“If you only care enough for a result, you will almost certainly attain it.”

— William James, Psychologist

Joke of the Week


A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu… 

+ Tourist:  $5 

+ Broiled Missionary: $10.00 

+ Fried Explorer: $15.00

+ Baked Democrat or Grilled Republican:  $100.00 

The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, ‘Why such a price difference for the Politician?’  The cook replied,

‘Have you ever tried to clean one?

They’re so full of shit, it takes all morning.

Super Market Surround Sounds

A new supermarket near my house has an automatic water mister to keep produce fresh.  Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and breathe in the aroma of chocolate milk.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The veggie department features the sound of a gentle breeze and the smell of fresh buttered corn.

I don’t buy toilet paper there any more.

Nice Emails of The Week

Thought I would pass on the chuckle. I continue to enjoy your site.

Rock on.


Door Signs

Sign over a  Gynecologist’s Office:
‘Dr. Jones,  at your cervix.’  

In a Podiatrist’s  office:
‘Time  wounds all heels.’

On  a Septic Tank Truck :
Yesterday’s  Meals on Wheels
At a Proctologist’s  door:
‘To expedite  your visit please back in.’
On a Plumber’s  truck:
‘We repair  what your husband fixed.’
On another Plumber’s  truck:
‘Don’t  sleep with a drip. Call your plumber..’
On a Church’s  Billboard:
‘7 days  without God makes one weak.’
At a Tire Shop in   Milwaukee  :
‘Invite us  to your next blowout.’
At a Towing  company:
‘We don’t  charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.’
On an Electrician’s  truck:
‘Let us  remove your shorts.’
In a Non-smoking  Area:
‘If we see  smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate
On a Maternity Room  door:
‘Push.  Push. Push.’
At an Optometrist’s  Office  :
‘If you  don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right
On a Taxidermist’s  window:
‘We really  know our stuff.’
On a Fence:  
‘Salesmen  welcome! Dog food is expensive!’
At a Car  Dealership:
‘The best  way to get back on your feet – miss a car payment.’
Outside a Muffler  Shop:
‘No  appointment necessary. We hear you coming.’
In a Veterinarian’s waiting  room:
‘Be back in  5 minutes. Sit! Stay!’

At the Electric  Company :
‘We would  be delighted if you send in your payment.
However, if  you don’t, you will be.’
In a Restaurant  window :
‘Don’t  stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up.’  
In the front yard of a Funeral  Home :
‘Drive  carefully. We’ll wait.’

At a  Propane Filling Station  ,
‘Thank  heaven for little grills.’
And don’t forget the  sign at a  
Chicago Radiator  Shop:
‘Best place  in town to take a leak.’

Shortarmguy’s Favorite Websites

June 15, 2008

Swingtown Tunes — Swingtown is my favorite new show of the summer!  I think the plot is very engaging, the characters are smart and interesting, and the music rocks with the coolest songs of the seventies!  This site plays each song from the latest episode.

Ellen — They say don’t try this at home, but it sure looks like fun!

The Song of The Count

Amazing how beeping out just one word changes the whole meaning!

Shortarmguy’s Emails To Make You Think

June 15, 2008


Father’s Day Quotes
Sometimes the poorest man leaves his children the richest inheritance.
The most important thing that a father can do for his children is to love their mother. 
National Urban League Slogan
Don’t make a baby if you can’t be a father.
Austin O’Malley
The worst misfortune that can happen to an ordinary man is to have an extraordinary father.
Charles Wadsworth  
By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong.

Anne Sexton
It doesn’t matter who my father was; it matters who I remember he was.

A man never stands as tall as when he kneels to help a child.
  Harmon Killebrew
My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, “You’re tearing up the grass.” “We’re not raising grass,” Dad would reply. “We’re raising boys.”
One of The greatest gift I ever had came from God, and I call him Dad!