Diary Entry For December 14, 2008

Luke and Avery graduated out of their blue Cub Scout uniforms by earning their Webelos badges this week.  They’re now wearing the official uniforms they’ll be wearing when they make it to the Boy Scouts late next year.  As their Den Leader, I was already wearing the tan boy scout shirt, but now I won’t get to rub it in their faces any longer that my shirt is cooler than theirs!

I may be the den leader, but everyone still knows who wears the pants at the Shortarmguy house.  Miss Sheri helped the boys earn their “Handyman” achievement pins this week by teaching them the fine points of what’s inside a tool-box, how to properly change a light bulb, and how to properly maintain a bicycle.   I suppose I could have helped with this one, but Miss Sheri has so much more experience with these types of activities at our house than I do.  Plus, what boy wants to learn how to be a HANDyman from a guy like me?

Grandma Linda celebrated her 66th birthday this week and we had a couple of chances to mark the occasion with her.  It’s hard for me to believe that my mom is getting to be this old already.  To me, she doesn’t look a day older than 65.

The middle of December brings us the opportunity to get dressed up and attend the annual Nor-Tech Christmas Party!  One of these years I’m going to get undressed to attend it just to mix things up a bit.  That will show my silly co-workers.

The boys didn’t get to go with us, but instead were lucky enough to hang out with these young ladies for the evening.  And we were lucky enough to not have to drag them to the party with us.

Dr. Bollig and his wife Cynthia sure know how to throw a great party for their employees!  They hook us up with an excellent dinner, some free booze, and a bunch of awesome door prizes.  Best of all, they don’t throw us out on our butts if we get too drunk and obnoxious!  Now that’s the Christmas Spirit!

We had a bunch of fun hanging out together for the evening.  Nick was in an especially festive move wearing his best Christmas Yankees cap.  It’s snow white just for the season!  I can’t wait to see him come this Valentine’s Day when he wears his Yankees cap covered with red hearts and lipstick print kisses.  It’s really cool looking!

Sean was so excited when he received this gift from his Secret Santa Jessie.  She made a custom clock for him out of an actual Harley Davidson gas cap.  I hope there’s not any gas left in it, otherwise at the stroke of midnight the thing might blow-up!  In any case, we all thought this was a very clever gift and told Jessie to make more and sell them on Ebay.  She’s going to make a million bucks doing that!

After the party, we all went to Major’s in Apple Valley for a little more celebration and some major dancing.  I was surprised by the fact that most of the night I was on the dance floor with several women and most of the guys stayed back at the tables drinking.  Them silly boys don’t know what they’re missing!

The Swank Family Christmas Letter is officially done and online.

Click here to read it!

We wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy Holiday Season!!!!

Nice Emails of the Week

First and foremost,  you are a very funny guy.  I love your collection of internet humor.  I lost a couple of happy hours last night,  jumping around your site discovering some images and stories that I had never seen and that is a huge complement coming from a guy who prides himself on claiming to have seen everything funny on the net.  Great stuff.  Keep it up. You have a new fan.

Thanks for the reply…a testament to your dedication to the web community…and thanks again for helping to keep this wacky world smiling.

Oh, by the way.  You have a picture posted somewhere out there, I took as a tribute, of sorts, to a generation of your folk.  I can’t recall if it was you father-in-law, you Dad, someone in your family. The photo was in the field, cutting or harvesting in the background, with an old farm boy driving his fist in the air with the spirit of an Olympic gold medalist.  I hope you don’t mind the image is now my screen saver. I imagine the life time of stories behind that shot.

(This is my Father – In – Law,  Grandpa Larry)

Thanks again,


The Computer Fights Back

Need a bigger driveway?

The Powder Dryer

Obama’s First Decision

Just what we need!  Another bailout!!

Watch out for monster turtles!

Christmas Funnies

Click Here for the Christmas Funnies Page


Quote of the Week

“I always tell the kids, ‘You know what’s great about going the extra mile? There’s very little traffic.’”

– Jim Larranaga, George Mason University basketball coach

Joke of the Week

A young man goes into the Job Center in Downtown Los Angeles, and sees a card advertising for a Gynecologist’s Assistant. Interested, he goes to learn more; ‘Can you give me some more details?’ he asks the clerk. The clerk pulls up the file and says, ‘The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist. You have to help them out of their underwear , lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so that they are ready for the gynecologist’s examination. There’s an annual salary of $65,000, but you’re going to have to go to Albuquerque New Mexico . That’s about 620 miles from here.’ ‘Good grief, is that where the job is?’ ‘No sir — that’s where the end of the line is right now.

Shortarmguy’s Favorite Websites

December 14, 2008

Easy To Work With
Microsoft attained the highest Channel Affinity Index score in the category, with a total score of 519 — 29 percent higher than the average score of 404 points. Red Hat was second with 384 points, followed by SuSe Linux (368) and Sun Microsystems (343).

The large margin of victory came as no surprise to Microsoft channel partners. “For a company Microsoft’s size and with its level of market dominance, they’re really friendly to partners of all shapes and sizes,” said Todd Swank, vice president of marketing at Nor-Tech, a Burnsville, Minn.-based system builder and Microsoft partner.

Microsoft’s channel reps are constantly reaching out to partners to get feedback and figure out how to create programs to sell products, which is going to be key to surviving in challenging times, Swank added.

“Microsoft has a huge array training and channel program offerings for resellers of all sizes,” said Swank. “If you want to sell technology, you can find a program with Microsoft to get trained and build your business, plain and simple.”

Affinity Index:  Operating Systems


Exploiting the Unique — Another nice article about Nor-Tech’s Portable Clusters.

The Dog House — Beware.

Grave Digger Freestyle at the Metrodome on December 6, 2008

I ran out of tape when we were there, but knew you’d enjoy this.

Shortarmguy’s Emails To Make You Think

Email Shortarmguy at

December 14, 2008


Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.

The winner was:
A four-year-old child, whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman, who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman’s yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.
When his mother asked him what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy just said, ‘Nothing, I just helped him cry.’


Teacher Debbie Moon’s first graders were discussing a picture of  a family where one little boy in the picture had a different hair color than the other members.  One of her students suggested that he was adopted.
A little girl said, ‘I know all about adoption, I was adopted.’
‘What does it mean to be adopted?’, asked another child. 
‘It means’, said the girl, ‘that you grew in your mommy’s heart instead of her tummy!’


On my way home one day, I stopped to watch a Little League base ball game that was being played in a park near my home. As I sat down behind the bench on the first-base line, I asked one of the boys what the score was ?
‘We’re behind 14 to nothing,’ he answered with a smile.

‘Really,’ I said. ‘I have to say you don’t look very discouraged.’
‘Discouraged?’, the boy asked with a puzzled look on his face.

‘Why should we be discouraged? We haven’t been up to bat yet…’

Whenever I’m disappointed with my spot in  life, I stop and think about little Jamie Scott.
Jamie was trying out for a part in the school play. His mother told  me that he’d set his heart on being in it, though she feared he would not be chosen.
On the day the parts were awarded, I went with her to collect him after school. Jamie rushed up to her, eyes shining with pride and excitement.  ‘Guess what, Mom,’ he shouted, and then said those words that will remain a lesson to me…..’I’ve been chosen to clap and cheer.’
An eye witness account from New York City , on a cold day in December, some years ago: A little boy, about 10-years-old, was standing before a shoe store on the roadway, barefooted, peering through the window, and shivering with cold.
A lady approached the young boy and said, ‘My, but you’re in such deep thought staring in that window!’
‘I was asking God to give me a pair of shoes, ‘was the boy’s reply.
The lady took him by the hand, went into the store, and asked the clerk to get half a dozen pairs of socks for the boy. She then asked if he could give her a basin of water and a towel. He quickly brought them to her.
She took the little fellow to the back part of the store and, removing her gloves, knelt down, washed his little feet, and dried them with the towel.
By this time, the clerk had returned with the socks. Placing a pair upon the boy’s feet, she purchased him a pair of shoes.
She tied up the remaining pairs of socks and gave them to him. She patted him on the head and said, ‘No doubt, you will be more comfortable now’
As she turned to go, the astonished kid caught her by the hand, and looking up into her face, with tears in his eyes, asked her.
‘Are you God’s wife?’