Larry Haack’s Funeral

Diary Entry For July 19, 2009 Email Shortarmguy at

We had a very difficult week in the Shortarmguy household. Miss Sheri’s father, Larry Haack, passed away on Monday due to complications after heart surgery. Here’s his obituary. We are all going to miss him very much. I was impressed with all the people who came to his visitation and funeral. He was a very popular man and many, many people told us they were going to miss seeing him because he was always smiling. Heaven is now a little brighter because Larry is up there smiling down to us.

When we first arrived at the farm, I was especially struck looking at all the tall rows of corn. I knew this was the last crop that Larry would ever plant. It made me sad thinking that he wouldn’t be there to enjoy it’s harvest.
This was us on the day of the funeral. It was a really hard day.
The boys were excited to have the chance to spend some extra time at the farm this week playing with their cousins. The neat thing about the farm is that you can actually put your children in a cage and the authorities won’t do anything about it! At least I don’t think they’ll do anything about it…
Everybody came outside after awhile to try to get their minds off of things. Grandma impressed us with her basketball abilities doing “Granny Shots” and sinking several baskets! When she started driving the lane and doing 360 Dunks, I figured it was time for me to go back inside for awhile.
Miss Sheri was always looking for ways to help her mom and ended up mowing the whole lawn for her. I always did think she looked good on a tractor!
I learned some rules about farm safety and children this week as well. Apparently, we’re not supposed to let the children climb into the corn wagons according to Uncle Jerry. Well, at least I got a few pictures of them in there before I had to start helping him enforce that rule!
In the midst of the stressful week, the boys turned 10 and had their birthday party at Triple Play Sports in Prior Lake. Of course, we were all still extremely saddened by thoughts of Grandpa, but the boys were able to set things aside for awhile and enjoyed celebrating with some of their friends.
We like to dress up the boys in combat gear and send them out after one another. It seems to be a good cure for anxiety.

Nice Emails of the Week

Shortarmguy…..Meet Shortarmgal!

Hey… I think I could pass for your sister so I’ll send you a pic if you want (just not in this message.. wouldn’t want you to delete this email right away b/c of an attachment). I like what you’ve done with yourself, wait no, I kind of envy it. See, I thought of doing the same thing but I think you still take the cake on the 4 finger jokes.. loved the one about the plastic surgeon.. do you do hand jobs… LMAO.

Yes, I was born this way too. Not exactly like you, but our histories are so alike that we could’ve been related, easily. My right arm is almost normal length but my hand was turned toward my body and fused to my ulna… basically, turned to angle toward my left foot and stuck so I can’t rotate at the wrist. Sure makes getting my change from the cashier a pain in the ass…. so much better to swipe a card. My left hand is also my “weird hand” being so close to my elbow, that it looks like it takes the place of it. The hand also rests on my side, somewhat locked in that position facing my body I mean. My thumb is small and tucked under my palm so it also looks like I only have 4 fingers and I use my index finger more as a thumb so ppl just assume I don’t have a thumb on that side. That arm hardly rotates at all…
Intrigued? I hope you’ll write me. I’m also curious if you have all the bones those weird long armed folks tend to; I don’t. I’m missing the radius from each arm. My birth defect (hardly seems the right word)/ syndrome/ condition… was called T.A.R. syndrome… Thrombocytopenia Absent Radii….. basically, thin blood and no radius bones. Another condition exists.. something I don’t know the name of… but mine is different from it in that I was born with thumbs on both arms and folks with that other classification of uniqueness usually do not have any thumbs. I also do not have the typical shoulders/ ball sockets…. just have arms sort of linked to my collar bone and loosely connected to my spine with the common triangle shoulder blade… but the way it “floats” when I move my arms… it’s weird.. I can’t see my back the way others did, I just know this guy at a gym, this personal trainer took a look and told me how different my shoulder structure seemed…. seemed to be barely attached to my back.
My surgeries were done when I was 10 months old and I can’t say I remember the hospitals but I do remember the feelings of being there, being freaked out by all the pain of that era and the damned docs who didn’t believe infants could feel pain…. then the relief at the god sent angel of a head nurse who overrode his decision by giving me morphine and my passing out, finally free to rest. My mom won’t speak of those times but my dad told me about it.

Get back to me and I’ll send you a pic of myself (and no it won’t be a nude one, even though I’m hot when I remember I am…. and the six pack abs, deep brown eyes, and full set of lips doesn’t hurt either ;), besides, I think our spouses might object just a bit. I’m also married, just turned 27, and have 2 girls, ages 2 and 6.


“Time is the great equalizer of all mankind!” A rich man cannot buy more, a smart man cannot invent more and a fool cannot waste moreā€¦ we are all given the same allotment of time each day; 24 hours! The people who learn to use their allotment of time wisely are the ones who get the best out of life.

P.S. I loved your exploit a cripple page/ idea. I don’t have 2 million.. wish I did sometimes…. but seriously, have you ever approached any companies directly? (and with a lower offer, or is that the going rate for leasing your reputation and temporary insanity?)
Best of luck. I look forward to hearing from you..
and the bullies who teased me in 2nd grade? I couldn’t run fast to chase them so I told them I was contagious when I got pissed off enough to “flash my eyes wide at them”. I too know the power of giving “the stare”. It almost makes up for theirs. Just wish it didn’t come to that sometimes, but you get it.

Crazy Goose
Extreme Tricycling
Challenging place to play soccer
I guess we took off just in time…
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Quote of the Week

“Success is a state of mind. If you want success, start thinking of yourself as a success.”

— Joyce Brothers, Psychologist

Jokes of the Week

Ladies At The Bar
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and ordered their drinks from the bartender.
Brunette: I’ll have a B and C.

Bartender: What is a B and C?

Brunette: Bourbon and Coke.

Redhead: And, I’ll have a G and T.

Bartender: What’s a G and T?

Redhead: Gin and tonic.

Blonde: I’ll have a 15.

Bartender: What’s a 15?

Blonde: 7 and 7.

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July 19, 2009

Put your car keys beside your bed at night

Tell your spouse, your children, your neighbors, your parents, your Dr’s office, the check-out girl at the market, everyone you run across.

Put your car keys beside your bed at night. If you hear a noise outside your home or someone trying to get in your house, just press the panic button for your car. The alarm will be set off, and the horn will continue to sound until either you turn it off or the car battery dies.

This tip came from a neighborhood watch coordinator. Next time you come home for the night and you start to put your keys away, think of this: It’s a security alarm system that you probably already have and requires no installation.

Test it. It will go off from most everywhere inside your house and will keep
honking until your battery runs down or until you reset it with the button on the key fob chain.. It works if you park in your driveway or garage. If your car alarm goes off when someone is trying to break into your house, odds are the burglar/rapist won’t stick around.

After a few seconds all the neighbors will be looking out their windows to see who is out there and sure enough the criminal won’t want that. And remember to carry your keys while walking to your car in a parking lot. The alarm can work the same way there.

This is something that should really be shared with everyone. Maybe it could save a life or a sexual abuse crime.