Diary Entry For May 31, 2009

Email Shortarmguy at Shortarmguy@aol.com

We spent the rest of Memorial Day Weekend touring some of the fun sites in Branson, Missouri.  This included a stop at our favorite location, Silver Dollar City.  Somebody forgot to cancel the thunder showers scheduled for that afternoon, though, so our party was cut a bit shorter than usual.  For some silly reason, they don’t let you ride roller coasters in the rain.

We really enjoyed going deep down into Marvel Cave again.  The picture does it zero justice, but beyond the fence is a really scary drop deep into the abyss.  Ooooohhhh!  The sheer terror generated makes climbing the 600 steps down to the bottom almost seem worth it.

We have a lot of fun navigating the tiny corridors of the cave deep below the surface of the earth.  We also have fun asking questions to the guide on the tour like “Are you sure there’s not a bathroom down here?”  and “So how long does it take these tunnels to fill up with water when it starts raining outside?”  I’m sure the other tourists enjoy it as well.

On Saturday, Grandma Linda, Miss Sheri, and I joined the Hornbuckle Clan for their annual Golf Tournament.  It was a couple’s “Best Ball” format.  When I first heard about this, I thought Miss Sheri and I had a really good chance at winning, but apparently their definition of Best Balls is different than mine.

On Sunday, we went to see Dolly Parton’s Dixie Stampede.  It was basically a bunch of horses and things running around in front of us while we ate food without forks and spoons!  I would have loved to share some images with you of the event, but the bastards told me I couldn’t take pictures in the arena.  This nice young lady let me break the rules, though.

Somehow, my mom and Jason ended up as golf partners.  At first, I didn’t think anything of it, but started becoming concerned when I noticed how long they were spending in the woods “looking for balls!”  Apparently, Jason has been watching this video for too long…

My favorite part of the day was trying to hit the course’s “Golf Geese”.  According to Chris, if you strike one of these animals with your initial drive, it counts the same as a Hole in One!  I was familiar with getting Birdies and Eagles in golf, but this was the first time I’d heard of this rule.  Sadly, I never was able to connect with one so my score really sucked.

Chris and Teresa ended up being the Grand Champions of the golf tournament.  They credited it to their matching Golf Outfits.  They may be on to something there…

After a day spent battling on the golf course, we like to come home and force our kids to chuck 10 pound balls around the yard.  Supposedly it puts hair on their chests, but we haven’t seen any sprout yet.

 Nice Emails of the Week 


Thanks for all your film clips  you send . I enjoy them very much…..Joy


 Good morning! I had a chance to check out your website!

Great shot of the elephants!

I will keep tab on the humor.  Be Good!


Take care, and may the specter of the economy pass over your home without harming it.  And keep on sending out the quality funnies.



Shortarmguy’s Diary Archive

Why I Failed My Driving Test

The Carpet Layer

Motorized LaZBoy

The First Lady Has Been Working Out!


Hand This To The Pope, Please!

A Woman with Big Jugs!

Do you think they’re real?

Sandal Shoes.  How convenient!

This doesn’t bode well for the people of Tennessee!

So Sad!

New Toilet Paper Dispenser

Chocolate Hearts are Really Gross!

You’re not a man until you’ve bagged a werewolf!

Quote of the Week

“It matters not what a person is born, but (whom) they choose to be.”

– J. K. Rowling, author

Jokes of the Week

The Talking Centipede

 A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede, (100-legged bug), which came in a little white box to use for his house.

He took the box back home, found a good spot for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to church with him. 

So he asked the centipede in the box, “Would you like to go to church with me today? We will have a good time.”

But there was no answer from his new pet.

This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked again, “How about going to church with me and receive blessings?” 

But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.

The guy decided to invite the centipede one last time.  This time he put his face up against the centipede’s house and shouted, “Hey, in there! Would you like to go to church with me and learn about God?”

This time, a little voice came out of the box:  

“I heard you the first time! I’m putting on my shoes.”


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Shortarmguy’s Favorite Websites

May 31, 2009

The First Three Seasons of Star Trek!

Jay Leno’s Final tonight Show




I agree absolutely with what this guy says…

Jose Canseco Vs. Hong Man Choi


Cute Girl Has Amazing Beat Box Skills!

Cute Girl Has Amazing Beat Box Skill – Watch more Funny Videos


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Shortarmguy’s Emails To Make You Think

Email Shortarmguy at Shortarmguy@aol.com

May 31, 2009

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio

“To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I’ve ever written.”

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.

8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck..

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.

12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ‘In five years, will this matter?’

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.

35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s,we’d grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come.

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.”

More Emails That Made Me Think