Family Vacation to Chicago
Shortarmguy.com Diary Update for March 28, 2010
The Shortarmguy Family went on vacation this week to the Windy City of Chicago, Illinois!
On our first night in town we went to eat some chili and milkshakes at Ed Debevic’s.
Ed Debevic’s is a well known locale where the wait staff goofs around with each other and are rude and insulting to the clients. Our waiter was a rough and tumble guy named Bubba who butted heads with both Luke and Avery. I think he might have also spit in our food, but I figured that was a good thing. When in Rome…
On Thursday, we started out the day by seeing all sorts of aquatic creatures at one of the oldest salt water aquariums in the country, Shedd Aquarium.
Probably the highlight of the visit was seeing the show, Fantasea. It was a magical event featuring Beluga Whales, Dolphins, a California Sea Lion, Penguins, and a Red Tailed Hawk. I told Miss Sheri that I had a completely different idea about what a show called Fantasea was going to be all about, but this turned out to be really nice as well.
My favorite tank was filled with these mini eels who have the awesome ability to dig holes in the sand and hang out in them while trying to catch plankton and other things swimming by. If a predator comes along, they can quickly shrink back down into the ground until they can no longer be seen. I have a similar ability when I swim in really cold water!
After the Aquarium, we went downtown to visit the largest building in the city, The Willis Tower. Of course, everyone still thinks of it as The Sears Tower, but it did change it’s name recently. When I first about this, all I could think of repeatedly was “Whatchoo Talkin’ About, Willis?”
We took a brief tour that discussed the history of the building and then we got on an elevator that took us up to the 103rd floor where we had the chance to hang out on these glass balconies.
Avery was the bravest one in the family. He climbed out in the box from the moment we arrived and never felt the need to get back on the solid floor. I tried to go out there with the same confidence that he had, but my brain kept telling me I wasn’t in a safe place. Human beings just aren’t meant to hover 103 floors in the sky!
Luke and I pretty much had the same philosophy. We felt they allowed way too many people to stand in these glass boxes at once! The guy that worked there told me that the floors were engineered to be able to carry up to 10,000 pounds, but that still didn’t make me feel safe. Some of the people on there with us were pretty fat! We got lucky while we were there, but my gut feeling is that some day one of these things is gonna drop! And I sure wouldn’t want to be on there when it happens!
Before we left, we saw this TV crew who apparently were filming a segment for the Oprah Show. This young lady had a fear of heights, so they brought her up here to dangle her from the top floor to help her get over it. Miss Sheri thought she’d do just fine since she had four cute guys there to help her confront her fears. Then a lightbulb appeared over her head and my wife began saying loudly “Ooooohhhh, it’s so scary up here!” But they didn’t do anything. Apparently Oprah can only help one person at a time.
On Friday, we went to one of coolest Museums in the World, The Museum of Science and Industry.
We saw all sorts of cool exhibits from an actual German Sub captured during World War II, a 40 foot tall tornado generator, an assembly line of toy making robots, and actual human cadavers that exposed all of the organs including the inside of the male penis. I actually could have done without seeing that last one.
I had actually been to this same museum about 30 years ago when I was a little boy. The only thing I remembered was this exhibit featuring a trip down into a “Real” Coal Mine. For some reason, it seemed a lot more real when I was 8 years old.
Quote of the Week
“I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.” – Martha Washington, wife of George Washington
On our final night in town, we ate at the Rainforest Cafe. The food was pretty good, but I did have a bit of trouble swallowing all that tree bark!
Shortarmguy's Crazy Emails for January 6, 2013
Playoffs 2013
Good News For Grandma
Shark Eating Shark
Shortarmguy's Crazy Emails for December 30, 2012
Christmas Funnies 2012
Stacking Wood
Still The Light, By Cameo Smith (Mt. Wolf, PA)
Twas’ 11 days before Christmas, around 9:38
when 20 beautiful children stormed through heaven’s gate.
their smiles were contagious,
their laughter filled the air…
they could hardly believe all the beauty they saw there.
They were filled with such joy, they didn’t know what to say.
Remembering nothing of what had happened earlier that day.
“Where are we?” asked a little girl, as quiet as a mouse.
“This is Heaven.” declared a small boy. “we’re spending Christmas at God’s house.”
When what to their wondering eyes did appear,
but Jesus, their savior, the children gathered near.
He looked at them and smiled, and they smiled just the same.
then He opened His arms and He called them by name.
In that moment was joy, that only heaven can bring
those children all flew to the arms of their King
As they lingered in the warmth of His blessed embrace,
one small girl turned and looked at Jesus’ face.
And as if He could read all the questions she had
He gently whispered to her, “I’ll take care of mom and dad.”
When He looked down on earth, the world far below
He saw all of the hurt, the sorrow, and woe
He closed His eyes and He outstretched His hand,
“Let My power and presence re-enter this land!”
“may this country be delivered from the hands of fools”
“I’m taking back my nation. I’m taking back my schools!”
Then He and the children stood up without a sound.
“Come now my children, let me show you around.”
excitement filled the space, some skipped and some ran.
all displaying enthusiasm that only a small child can.
and I heard Him proclaim as He walked out of sight,
“in the midst of this darkness, I AM STILL THE LIGHT.”
Shortarmguy's Crazy Emails for December 16, 2012
Dear Santa,
How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the
reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I
would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 4 for
Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.
Merry Christmas,
Dear Timmy,
Thank you for you letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all
fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried all the
time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn’t want you to
get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I’ll bring you
something you can go outside and play with.*
Merry Christmas,*
Santa Claus***
* *
Mr. Claus,
Seeing that I have fulfilled the “naughty vs. Nice” contract,
set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to
granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn’t want to turn this
joyous season into one of litigation. Also, don’t you think that a jibe at
my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit
trite?
Respectfully,
Tim Jones
* *
Mr. Jones,
While I have acknowledged you have met the “nice” criteria,
need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it
a guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action,
well that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorney’s have been
on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be
more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally, the exercise I
alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve your social
skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the
bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days.
Very Truly Yours,
S Claus
* *
Now look here Fat Man,
I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was
attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends
into this. Now you just be disrespecting me. I’m about to tweet my boys
and we’re gonna be waiting for your fat ass and I’m taking my game console,
my game, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN!
T-Bone
* *
Listen Pizza Face,
Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on
one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny G-banger wannabe? “He sees
you when you’re sleeping; He knows when you’re awake”. Sound familiar,
genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal. I got your
shit wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people
that if I described them right now, you’d throw up your Totino’s pizza roll
all over the carpet of your mom’s basement. You’re not getting what you
asked for, but I’m still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in
you’re ass and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia.
S Clizzy
* *
Dear Santa,
Bring me whatever you see fit. I’ll appreciate anything.
Timmy
* *
> Timmy,
>
> That’s what I thought you little bastard.
> Santa
Not Afraid of Heights
Snow Quilts
Artist Simon Beck must really love the cold weather!
Along the frozen lakes of Savoie, France, he spends days plodding through the snow in raquettes (snowshoes), creating these sensational patterns of snow art.
Working for 5-9 hours a day, each final piece is typically the size of three soccer fields!
The geometric forms range in mathematical patterns and shapes that create stunning, sometimes 3D, designs when viewed from higher levels.
How long these magnificent geometric forms survive is completely dependent on the weather. Beck designs and redesigns the patterns as new snow falls, sometimes unable to finish a piece due to significant overnight accumulations.
The main reason for making them was because I can no longer run properly due to problems with my feet, so plodding about on level snow is the least painful way of getting exercise. Gradually, the reason has become photographing them, and I am considering buying a better camera. – Simon Beck
