Avery was much more into exploring the woods than he was into exploring the water. He drug Miss Sheri deep down the trails to show her this interesting little find. After I saw the picture, I told Avery he just may have discovered the Earth’s butt hole, but I don’t think he believed me.
On Tuesday night, we traveled to the Metrodome in Downtown Minneapolis to watch the Minnesota Twins get trounced by the Cleveland Indians ten to one. Lucky we left before the fifth inning started so we didn’t have to witness all of the punishment and pain. One of these days, we’re going to go to a baseball game that’s so exciting that we’ll actually stay to watch the whole thing! Or maybe not.
On Saturday, I drove down to Clear Lake to join my buddies, Ron “Sugarman” Myers and “Krazy” Kory Madson for a good old game of golf.
I was really excited to play golf until I drove down to Iowa for two hours in a steady rainfall. When I dared to make the suggestion that we cancel the game, I was called all sorts of names by my friends and had my manhood called into question in multiple ways. So I reluctantly agreed to play, then belly ached the whole time about how silly it was to be playing soaking wet in fifty degree weather. I then put on some lipstick and mascara and left the course.
Later on that night, we had the good fortune of seeing our old friend, Tommy Barlas. Tommy was doing quite well and we had a great time catching up with each other and re-living some of the shenanigans of our youth. We then made plans to plot some new shenanigans together once again in the near future,
We had the annual Cub Scout Pack Picnic at Hidden Valley Park in Savage. The boys love this particular park because a river runs through it! Luke had all sorts of opportunities to stalk critters and capture them with his net. He spent a couple of hours doing this and caught about 6 crawdads and two little fish. He then begged us to let him bring them home. I guess he wanted to do this so he could ignore them on our back porch for a couple of days until I insisted he set them free back in the wild. Kids.
Our old friend Karl was in his favorite position, sweating over a grill and cooking everyone’s food. Karl threatened to strangle me if I made yet another reference on my website regarding him “handling everyone’s meat.” So I won’t.
The reason we went to the game was to support Heartbeat 5000, Camp Odayin, and Children’s Hospital. They were featured in a brief ceremony before the game and Luke and Avery were lucky enough to go out on the field with a bunch of other heart kids to help celebrate the honor. We were initially told that parents would also be able to go out there with them, but apparently that idea was shot down. Since I was a little annoyed by this, I spit my gum over the balcony and out onto the field when no-one was looking. It made me kind of feel like I was with them in spirit.
Joining the three of us to make a crowded foursome were “Jammin” Jason Davis and Scott “BeerCan” Barragy. It had been quite awhile since we’d seen Scott, so it was really cool that he was able to play with us. Then we played with him as well.
Jason was dismayed at the mess left on one of the greens. It looked like horse poop and he was quite stressed out about it. Since I didn’t see any horse shoe prints anywhere, I quickly ascertained that it wasn’t horse poop. And since Jason was making such a big deal about it, I can only conclude that some how he snuck ahead of us and created this mess on his own. I’m still trying to figure out the reason why he would do such a thing, but that just may be a mystery we’ll never solve.
The Wizard of Washington
Are All Women Born This Way?
Bad Day on the Desert Island
Chest Hair For Sale
Some days, you just really need your wife!
No Matter What She Did, Sara Just Couldn’t Get Over Her Hot Flashes!
Best Billboard of 2009
Blonde Pole Dancer
Even Better Chest Hair!
How to serve chicken wings to a man!
Quote of the Week
“It matters not what a person is born, but (whom) they choose to be.”
– J. K. Rowling, author
Jokes of the Week
Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman are out for a stroll in town one day.
As they walked, they came across a sign:
“Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world.”
“I am entering!” said Snow White.
After half an hour she comes out and they ask her, “Well, how’d ya do?”
” First Place !,” said Snow White.
They continue walking and they see another sign:
“Contest for the strongest man in the world.”
“I’m entering,” says Superman.
After half an hour, he returns and they ask him, “How did you make out?”
” First Place ,” answers Superman. “Did you ever doubt?”
They continue walking when they see another sign:
“Contest! Who is the greatest liar in the world?”
Pinocchio enters. After half an hour he returns with tears in his eyes.
“What happened?” they asked.
“Who the hell is Nancy Pelosi?” asked Pinocchio
June 6, 2009
PPX Hall of Fame — Popular Science Shut Down their Futures Exchange! I earned my way up to the 81st position out of about 40,000 players!! And now it’s done….Curse you, Popular Science! Curse You!
Greatest Moment on Television in 2009
Young Con Anthem
Email Shortarmguy at Shortarmguy@aol.com
June 6, 2009
The wisdom of Larry the cable guy……
1. A day without sunshine is night.
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
9. Support bacteria. They’re the only culture some people have.
10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
13… OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
14. When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
15. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
16. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
17. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
20. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice? Do We Die?
21 Why do psychics have to ask you your name?
22. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, ‘What the heck happened?’
23. Just remember — if the world didn’t suck, we would all fall off.
24. Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
25. Life isn’t like a box of chocolates. It’s more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.