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Diary Entry For September 7, 2009 Email Shortarmguy at Shortarmguy@aol.com
On Sunday, the Shortarmguy Family went to the Minnesota Science Museum. We figured that school is starting again soon so it's time for us all to start learning a thing or two.
They had a special exhibit dedicated to a big boat called the Titanic. There were all sorts of things to read and learn about different aspects of the maiden voyage, but I was more fascinated with what the guide at the entrance told me. She said to not touch any of the cases because they had alarms connected to them that would go off if they were touched. I'm guessing she was bored and making things up, because I touched a whole bunch of those cases and never heard a single bell!
I guess the rules didn't apply to this special display they had set up that was basically just a really large ice cube. Apparently it was supposed to represent the iceberg that brought down the big ship, but to me it just seemed kind of silly. I've seen ice before and this really didn't look all that different than what I have in my front yard every January! And I don't have to pay no stinking $35.00 exhibit fee to look at it then either!
On Monday night, we had the good fortune to go see the Minnesota Twins play their fierce rival, the Chicago White Sox at the Metrodome. Apparently the Twins have a shot to make the playoffs, so we were pretty pumped up to watch the game. I think some of the players were also pretty pumped up because we had really good seats and this would give them the chance to see me up close. I'm just guessing about this last part.
Joe Mauer had a big night for the Twins hitting a home run in the third inning. I had a feeling he was going to do well in the game because before it started I saw him rubbing his lucky penis.
We had a family first when we stayed until the end of the night and watched an entire Twins Game! Normally we struggle to make it to the 5th inning because one of us is begging to leave early. But the boys were having a great time and the Twins ended up winning the game 4 - 1. Then to top things off, one of the players threw a ball up to Luke and Avery right before the game ended. I told them to stand on their chairs and scratch their privates in salute of the Twins as a special way to say Thank You, but they wouldn't do it!
On Friday night we went to the Great Minnesota Get Together, The Minnesota State Fair. We took turns stuffing our mouths all night with all sorts of food you could fit on a stick. If it didn't fit on a stick, they'd usually just jam it in a cup but it still tasted pretty good anyways.
Between eating binges, we went to visit the wide variety of animals that were on display. The boys and I had a contest to see which one of us could tweak the largest animal's testicles without getting any fingers bitten off. We stopped somewhere before the really big bulls because things were getting a bit too scary to continue.
We also enjoyed seeing the really big vegetables. This pumpkin won first place and weighed 1186 pounds. It was grown by a guy named Bill Foss from Buffalo, Minnesota. I'm guessing Farmer Foss is a pretty big dude if he needs to grow food this big. I'd hate to see the size of his toilet!
Nice Emails of the Week
Todd, I know you are always interested in the inspirational......and this one is lovely --- and it's my philosophy, too. I always remember a lesson I learned when I was studying to do my ministry. My words create my world. I am the sum total of every decision I have ever made and of every word spoken, and every thought ever held. I choose to create my today and my tomorrow by thinking and speaking and choosing positive and happy words and thoughts. Just a thought I want to share with you. God bless and have a happy week. Your Florida, rain-soaked friend ---- Shirley
Building My Bank Account
I Am Working on Building My Bank Account This is AWESOME....something we should all remember. A 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o'clock, with his hair fashionably combed and shaved perfectly, even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today. His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled sweetly when told his room was ready. As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on his window. I love it,' he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy. Mr. Jones, you haven't seen the room; just wait.' 'That doesn't have anything to do with it,' he replied. Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged. It's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it. 'It's a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do. Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I'll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I've stored away. Just for this time in my life.. Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you've put in. So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories! Thank you for your part in filling my Memory Bank. I am still depositing.
'Remember the five simple rules to be happy: 1. Free your heart from hatred. 2. Free your mind from worries. 3. Live simply. 4. Give more. 5. Expect less.
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Crazy Emails For September 7, 2009 Seen outside a bar in Wisconsin
Brothers Suck
The New BMW Jetta
Don't Teach Your Kid To Do This
Best Ad For A Dating Site
Best Ad For Paint
How To Get a Friend For Your Kid
Thanksgiving Barbie
Quote of the Week
“I didn’t get to where I am by thinking about it or dreaming about it. I got there by doing it.”
– Estee Lauder, entrepreneur
Jokes of the Week
Classifieds
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER .
8-years old. Hateful little bastard. Bites!
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FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.
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FREE PUPPIES.. Mother, AKC German Shepherd. Father, Super Dog...able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
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FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG. Looks like a rat. Been out a while. Better be a big reward.
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COWS, CALVES : NEVER BRED. Also
1 gay bull for sale.
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NORDIC TRACK $300 Hardly used, call Chubby.
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GEORGIA PEACHES California grown
- 89 cents/lb.
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JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer $300.
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WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE
Worn once by mistake. Call
Stephanie.
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And the best one?:
LOL....
FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set
of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes
Excellent condition. $1,000 or
best offer. No longer needed.
Got married last month, Wife
knows everything..!!!
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September 7, 2009
"Intel is doing everything it can to keep the channel alive in servers. There's such a big difference between the top three server makers and everyone else, that Intel needs to strengthen [white box suppliers]," said Todd Swank, vice president of marketing for Nor-Tech, a Burnsville, Minn. systems builder VMware to ride Intel system builder program, 31 Aug 2009, SearchITChannel.com
Beavis and Butthead on Extract
Michael Jackson Medley I Won't Flinch
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Shortarmguy's Emails To Make You Think Email Shortarmguy at Shortarmguy@aol.com
September 7, 2009
Grandkids
1.
She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of
her young granddaughter, as she'd done many times before. After she
applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But
Gramma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" I will probably
never put lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet
paper good-bye...
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