On this page, I will post the funniest emails I receive on any given day. So email email@example.com the best stuff you get. I’ll only post the cream of the crop and not the other crap I get. Although I didn’t create the items on this list, my feeling is that they’re in the public domain since they were emailed to me with 600 other people. So no more damn copyright lawsuits!
Warning! Adult Material Below!
November 29, 2003
A Florida Power & Light crew putting in lines for an addition to the Orlando International Airport found the following in a culvert they were using…
The gator is/was 18′ 2″ long.
The rattlesnake roundup totaled 87.
FP&L shared these pictures
Special Section — Michael Jackson: King Of Freaks
November 22, 2003
November 16, 2003
Why it’s important to switch your masturbation hand every now and then…
This year’s best Halloween costume!
Redneck Cup Holder
The Man Thong Is Going to be the Hottest Thing on the Beach in Summer of 2004!
November 8, 2003
I’m definitely not going to Thanksgiving dinner at this guy’s house.
I’ve woke up next to many strange asses in my life, but this is the one that made me quit drinking.
As 50 Cent might say: I’m a MotherPhunken B.U.S.H.
This is one kid you don’t want to mess with…
Sorry Frodo, but I’m afraid you’ve failed your mission.
Last Flight Of The Corncorde
This is a very impressive set of photos. They look like the Concorde is a mother goose with her goslings. Those goslings are “the Red Arrows” of the Royal Air Force’s aerobatic team.
Advice Email Of The Week
Dear Short Arm Guy:
Everyone calls me a rancid whore but I just don’t understand it. I
am pretty, intelligent and sensitive to the needs of others, however
I have been barred from the bulk of my favorite public
establishments. You may be asking yourself “How could this be?”.
I am thinking the same thing. I thought that cream-colored lycra
biker shorts with a hole in the crotch would turn people on, thus
generating a whole new network of potential contacts. Studded,
nipple-exposing bras and corsets are not jarring the image of the
American woman but rather contributing to the well-being of the Gross
Domestic Product. I use my 5’3″, 390-pound body to positively effect
economic change. The patch over my left eye is not a mark of
personal shame but rather a badge of merit. The squishy empty socket
beneath it simply creates more oppertunity for the men in my company.
Please Short Arm Guy, pass the message that I want to be taken seriously!
Consider your message passed on!
However, I think the person you need to convince the most is yourself.
I think it’s great that you’re proud of those attributes which make you unique. More power to you. We all need to play the hand that God dealt us, and play it in a way that will serve us best for this whole thing called Life.
What concerns me is your comments regarding being barred from the bulk of your favorite establishments and your phrase “mark of personal shame”. My guess is that you’ve been kicked out of so many places because you probably start fights with those who don’t immediately accept you and your unique traits. I bet you’re angry because you haven’t truly accepted that which makes you different.
You need to learn to make peace with yourself. Stop caring if people look at you funny or even if they make rude comments to you. Instead of fighting, smile at them and walk away. Tell yourself that they’re just jealous of you because you believe in yourself…and they probably don’t.
Start taking yourself seriously and everyone else will just follow along.
I wish you the best of luck!
November 1, 2003
What your dog is doing when you’re not at home…
Doesn’t this look like fun?
This is what I would call a shitty job….
Crazy Email Archives