On this page, I will post the funniest emails I receive on any given day. So email firstname.lastname@example.org the best stuff you get. I’ll only post the cream of the crop and not the other crap I get. Although I didn’t create the items on this list, my feeling is that they’re in the public domain since they were emailed to me with 600 other people. So no more damn copyright lawsuits!
Warning! Adult Material Below!
June 25, 2006
Joke Of The Week
Married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, “Honey, 25 Years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed, and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year old blond. Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed, and plasma screen TV, but I’m sleeping with a 50-year old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things.”
My wife is a very reasonable woman….
She told me to go out and find a hot 25-year old blond, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, and sleeping on a sofa bed.
Nice Email Of The Week
I love your site. When I need a pick me up…… I log onto your site and have a good laugh.
My son, age 11 thinks that your video’s are great. Please keep it up!!!
JON M. BARBOUR
June 18, 2006
June 11, 2006
Joke Of The Week
From an actual newspaper contest where entrants age 4 to 15 were asked to imitate “Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey.”
My young brother asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should have told him the truth–that most of us go to Hell and burn Eternally–but I didn’t want to upset him. Age 10
When I go to heaven, I want to see my grandpa again. But he better have lost the nose hair and the old-man smell. Age 5
I once heard the voice of God. It said “Vrrrrmmmmm.” Unless it was just a lawn mower. Age 11
I don’t know about you, but I enjoy watching paint dry. I imagine that the wet paint is a big freshwater lake that is the only source of water for some tiny cities by the lake. As the lake gets drier, the population gets more desperate, and sometimes there are water riots. Once there was a big fire and everyone died. Age 13
I like to go down to the dog pound and pretend that I’ve found my dog. Then I tell them to kill it anyway because I already gave away all of his stuff. Dog people sure don’t have a sense of humor. Age 14
I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don’t have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life? Age 15
It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the president’s birthday, like they do for the queen. Of course, then we would have a lot of
people voting for a candidate born on July 3 or December 26, just for the long weekends. Age 8
As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few minutes each day. At the end of the year, you’ll have a couple of days saved up. Age 7
Democracy is a beautiful thing, except for that part about letting just any old yokel vote. Age 10
Home is where the house is. Age 6
Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher. That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number. Age 15
It would be terrible if the Red Cross Bloodmobile got into an accident. No, wait. That would be good because if anyone needed it, the blood would be right there. Age 5
Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money. Age 13
I bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween. Age 13
For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That’s what happens to cheese when you leave it out. Age 6
Think of the biggest number you can. Now add five. Then, imagine if you had that many Twinkies. Wow, that’s five more than the biggest number you could come up with! Age 6
The only stupid question is the one that is never asked, except maybe “Don’t you think it is about time you audited my return?” or “Isn’t it morally wrong to give me a warning when, in fact, I was speeding?” Age 15
Once, I wept for I had no shoes. Then I came upon a man who had no feet. So I took his shoes. I mean, it’s not like he really needed them, right? Age 15
I often wonder how come John Tesh isn’t as popular a singer as some people think he should be. Then, I remember it’s because he sucks. Age 15
If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the looting started. Age 15
Nice Emails Of The Week
(Here’s the link for those who are interested)
thanks for the smiles Suzanne
Suzanne was nice enough to include a donation to help support Shortarmguy.com!
June 4, 2006
Joke Of The Week
During a meeting with his advisors at the The White House, George Bush is told that ‘two Brazilian soldiers had been killed in an incident.’
George looks shaken and then bursts into tears. A little taken back by the sudden emotional outburst, Dick Cheney says ‘Mr. President. Are you OK?’
The President, drying his eyes, looks up and says to Dick Cheney, ‘That’s terrible news. How many is a Brazilian again?’
Nice Email Of The Week
I tell you what, I’ve got it good and you’ve got it good compared to what this guy is dealt with in life. Stumbled across this site tonight and wanted to pass it along. There is another one out there trying to inspire as you do.
Crazy Email Archives