The Shortarmguy/TATU Connection
An amazing thing happened to Shortarmguy this week. After featuring the hot new pop singers T.A.T.U. on his website last week, the girls found out about Shortarmguy. They invited him to attend one of their concerts and backstage after the show. After only a few minutes of talking with one another, the gals asked Shortarmguy to “join their group”. Which makes a bunch of sense because, as we all know, Shortarmguy really has a way with 18 year old, Russian, Lesbian, Rock Stars!
Finding Nemo is a great movie with a wonderful message!! It’s a little known fact that it was based on Shortarmguy’s life as a child. In the movie, Nemo has a deformed fin which his dad calls his “Lucky Fin”. The movie was almost called Shortfinfish, but Disney and Pixar were worried I’d sue if they kept too many similarities to my real life. Guys, please don’t worry about it! Just let me voice one of the characters in the sequel: Finding Nemo II: Smells Like Fish, Tastes Like Chicken.
A Nasty Rumor Debunked This Week
Crazed Fan Steve “Cuds” Cuddihy is up to his old tricks again. Taking the stance that if he can’t have Shortarmguy all to himself then no-one else should be allowed to have him either, Cuddihy attempted to discredit the thing which makes Shortarmguy followers so loyal. Cuds, working with his accomplice J.J. The Music Man, erected a statue in a remote village near Shortarmguy’s Homeland. The statue depicted Shortarmguy with regular arms.
Cuds then called a press conference exclaiming that Shortarmguy’s little arm was a fake and this statue was the proof. Naturally, the media jumped all over the story since they’ve been attempting to destroy Shortarmguy’s popularity for years!!
Luckily for Shortarmguy and his followers, the story was quickly proved to be a hoax after a special mix of hand lotion was discovered at the scene. Apparently the site of a 100 foot tall Shortarmguy was too much for Cuds to handle and he just must not have been able to contain himself. Finger prints were taken off the bottle and DNA Sampling was completed on other “evidence” found at the scene which proved Cuddihy’s presence.
Shortarmguy loyalists quickly deduced that the statue must have been the handi-work of Cuds and tore it down.
A strange thing happened to Shortarmguy as he left work the other day. Walking to his car in the parking lot, he was mobbed by his screaming Shortarmguy Fan Club. Giggling, yelling, pulling, touching, kissing, drooling, rubbing, grabbing, pinching; the fan club tried to molest Shortarmguy in every way imaginable. “I really was trying to get a piece of Shortarmguy’s shirt!”, gushed Kara Fischer, president of the newly formed club. ” I tried to tear off the whole shirt or at least get part of his sleeve, because that’s where the little arm rests itself during the day!” Kara found the task quite difficult however, because currently she is the only member of the Shortarmguy fan club. He was able to side-step her advances pretty quickly and escape in his vehicle. But Kara claims she won’t be dissuaded so easily. “There are probably a million girls in the US alone who think that Shortarmguy is the hottest thing since Greg Brady almost became the new Johnnie Bravo. That doesn’t even count his hundreds of fans in Hungary. As I recruit more members, we’ll track down Shortarmguy again and I will get my prizes!”