June 13, 2010
Second City at Mystic Lake Casino
We suffered a great loss in our neighborhood this week. Followers of my blog will most likely remember a lot of pictures of me and my dog, Sunny, throwing balls on a long stretch of beach on Prior Lake. Well, this beach belongs to our neighbors across the street, Jim and Joan Ingvalson. They’ve always been extremely kind to my family. Well, on Monday night, Joan unexpectedly died in her sleep. It was a complete shock to anyone that knew her. She was a very active and healthy lady. You can read her obituary here. She will be greatly missed by all of us.
Last Friday, we connected with our good buddies, Karl and Tina, to go to Mystic Lake Casino and see a comedy show together. We were so excited at our good fortune!
The performance we went to see was by Second City the legendary comedy improv troupe out of Chicago. Boasting alumni including Joan Rivers, Bill Murray, John Belushi, Dan Akroyd, John Candy, Steve Carrell, and many more, we were bracing ourselves to be rolling in the aisles with laughter. Sadly, we were a bit disappointed. While the show was entertaining, there was nary a deep belly laugh bellowed out from any of our group. We went home and watched tapes of the old Saturday Night Live skits to make the world seem right again.
To make up for inviting them to an unfunny comedy show, we invited Karl and Tina to join us for this year’s maiden voyage of our boat out on Prior Lake. All was going pretty good until we got to the middle of the lake and suddenly Karl turned to me and said “OK, Todd. Now that you’ve got us out here, you’d better make us laugh.” Well, unfortunately I couldn’t think of anything funny to say so we pretty much didn’t talk for the rest of the boat ride. It kind of sucked but what are you going to do?
We did try to liven things up by shining lights in the boy’s eyes, but I guess that’s just not funny enough for Karl. He’s a little bit fussy in my opinion.
On Monday, I took a flight to Seattle to go visit our good friends at Microsoft. Every time I go there, I always fly by this mountain. It looks so cool! One of these times, I’m going to have the pilot just drop me off on the top of it. It looks like it would be a lot of fun to play around up there!
The reason for my trip was to attend our Bi-Annual Partner Action Committee meeting where myself and fellow computer manufacturer representatives meet with the software giant to give them our opinions on the state of the business. I pretty much just keep quiet and try to preserve my energy for that awesome meal I know they’re going to serve us at the end of the day. Here we’re seen chowing down on delicacies like crab, clam, chicken, and my personal favorite, Princess Prawns! I’m pretty sure that the letter M in Microsoft stands for “MMMM MMMM Good!”
On Friday night, we had a special treat when Grandma Joyce drove up from Branson to spend the weekend with us. Since Miss Sheri rarely leaves the couch at our house any more, I thought it was really nice that she invited her to sit down next to her for a little while.
On Friday night, we went to a graduation party for the daughter of our old pal, Portia Bunker. Doc Vogt was there with his potato gun, so I knew this night was going to be filled with way more the usual pomp and circumstance!
Doc shot a few potatoes in the air to whet our appetites and then started to invite fellow guests out to take a shot themselves. Grandma Joyce couldn’t resist having that powerful weapon in her hands and stepped up to propel a spud through the air like a lumpy little missile. Now all she talks about is building one for herself to play with at home!
On Saturday, we went to see the new movie, The Karate Kid! We all loved it and I give it one Great Big Thumb Up! If you liked the original movie, you’ll love this one! Jaden Smith was awesome, but when it comes to flexibility, I don’t think he has anything on the Shortarmguy Family!!!!
Nice Emails of the Week
Hi Todd,
Greetings from Ireland, hope this email finds you well in Minnesota.
I just had to send you a quick message after seeing your episode on Miami Ink. I’m a big fan of the show & without a doubt you are one of my favourite participants that has been on. Your attitude to life is truly a fresh of fresh air & I found your story both inspiring & extremely touching. I mean here is a guy who has had things tougher than most of us yet he still faces every day with a smile & positive outlook on life. Your story has inspired me to quit complaining & not to take all the good things I have been given in life for granted (I only complain every other day now ha).
By the way I love all the pics that you have with Sheri on your blog of your day at Miami Ink, looks like you had an amazing experience. My dream would be to get a tattoo from Chris Garver, he is such an awesome artist & without a doubt you deserved to get your wonderful tattoo from him
Wishing you all the best
Carole
Quote of the Week
“Wherever we look upon this earth, the opportunities take shape within the problems.” – Nelson Rockefeller, U.S. vice president Link To Last Week’s Diary Entry
June 6, 2010
Memorial Day Weekend in Dallas
Shortarmguy's Crazy Emails for January 6, 2013
Playoffs 2013
Good News For Grandma
Shark Eating Shark
Shortarmguy's Crazy Emails for December 30, 2012
Christmas Funnies 2012
Stacking Wood
Still The Light, By Cameo Smith (Mt. Wolf, PA)
Twas’ 11 days before Christmas, around 9:38
when 20 beautiful children stormed through heaven’s gate.
their smiles were contagious,
their laughter filled the air…
they could hardly believe all the beauty they saw there.
They were filled with such joy, they didn’t know what to say.
Remembering nothing of what had happened earlier that day.
“Where are we?” asked a little girl, as quiet as a mouse.
“This is Heaven.” declared a small boy. “we’re spending Christmas at God’s house.”
When what to their wondering eyes did appear,
but Jesus, their savior, the children gathered near.
He looked at them and smiled, and they smiled just the same.
then He opened His arms and He called them by name.
In that moment was joy, that only heaven can bring
those children all flew to the arms of their King
As they lingered in the warmth of His blessed embrace,
one small girl turned and looked at Jesus’ face.
And as if He could read all the questions she had
He gently whispered to her, “I’ll take care of mom and dad.”
When He looked down on earth, the world far below
He saw all of the hurt, the sorrow, and woe
He closed His eyes and He outstretched His hand,
“Let My power and presence re-enter this land!”
“may this country be delivered from the hands of fools”
“I’m taking back my nation. I’m taking back my schools!”
Then He and the children stood up without a sound.
“Come now my children, let me show you around.”
excitement filled the space, some skipped and some ran.
all displaying enthusiasm that only a small child can.
and I heard Him proclaim as He walked out of sight,
“in the midst of this darkness, I AM STILL THE LIGHT.”
Shortarmguy's Crazy Emails for December 16, 2012
Dear Santa,
How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the
reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I
would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 4 for
Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.
Merry Christmas,
Dear Timmy,
Thank you for you letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all
fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried all the
time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn’t want you to
get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I’ll bring you
something you can go outside and play with.*
Merry Christmas,*
Santa Claus***
* *
Mr. Claus,
Seeing that I have fulfilled the “naughty vs. Nice” contract,
set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to
granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn’t want to turn this
joyous season into one of litigation. Also, don’t you think that a jibe at
my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit
trite?
Respectfully,
Tim Jones
* *
Mr. Jones,
While I have acknowledged you have met the “nice” criteria,
need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it
a guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action,
well that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorney’s have been
on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be
more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally, the exercise I
alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve your social
skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the
bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days.
Very Truly Yours,
S Claus
* *
Now look here Fat Man,
I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was
attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends
into this. Now you just be disrespecting me. I’m about to tweet my boys
and we’re gonna be waiting for your fat ass and I’m taking my game console,
my game, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN!
T-Bone
* *
Listen Pizza Face,
Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on
one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny G-banger wannabe? “He sees
you when you’re sleeping; He knows when you’re awake”. Sound familiar,
genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal. I got your
shit wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people
that if I described them right now, you’d throw up your Totino’s pizza roll
all over the carpet of your mom’s basement. You’re not getting what you
asked for, but I’m still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in
you’re ass and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia.
S Clizzy
* *
Dear Santa,
Bring me whatever you see fit. I’ll appreciate anything.
Timmy
* *
> Timmy,
>
> That’s what I thought you little bastard.
> Santa
Not Afraid of Heights
Snow Quilts
Artist Simon Beck must really love the cold weather!
Along the frozen lakes of Savoie, France, he spends days plodding through the snow in raquettes (snowshoes), creating these sensational patterns of snow art.
Working for 5-9 hours a day, each final piece is typically the size of three soccer fields!
The geometric forms range in mathematical patterns and shapes that create stunning, sometimes 3D, designs when viewed from higher levels.
How long these magnificent geometric forms survive is completely dependent on the weather. Beck designs and redesigns the patterns as new snow falls, sometimes unable to finish a piece due to significant overnight accumulations.
The main reason for making them was because I can no longer run properly due to problems with my feet, so plodding about on level snow is the least painful way of getting exercise. Gradually, the reason has become photographing them, and I am considering buying a better camera. – Simon Beck
