Shortarmguy’s Emails To Make You Think
May 25, 2008
Fools rush in where fools have been before.
It’s called “take home” pay because you can’t afford to go anywhere else with it.
Success is relative — the greater the success, the more relatives.
If at first you succeed, try to hide your astonishment.
You must have learned from others’ mistakes. You haven’t had time to think all those up yourself.
People like criticism — just keep it positive and flattering.
It’s OK to let your mind go blank, but please turn off the sound.
Worry kills more people than work because more people worry than work.
Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
When you’re getting kicked from behind, that means you’re in front.
Misers aren’t much fun to live with, but they make great ancestors.
Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
The real reason you can’t take it with you is that it goes before you do.
Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it.
Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were.
The world is full of willing people — some willing to work and some willing to let them.
Some people are like blisters. They don’t show up until the work is done.
A babysitter is a teen-ager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teen-agers.
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
The one who snores will fall asleep first.
The length of a marriage is inversely proportional to the amount of money spent on the wedding.
Never get overly excited about a man or woman by just the way they look from behind.
The probability of meeting someone you know increases greatly when you are out with someone you do not want to be seen with.
May 18, 2008
Written by a friend of Shortarmguy:
I don’t usually do this, but this issue infuriates me to no end. . . I’m shamelessly requesting some grass-roots activism on your part:
The Constitution of the United States of America guarantees every citizen of legal voting age THE RIGHT TO VOTE. Countless Americans have died for this right over the past 221 years; it’s one of the founding principles of our great nation and is the lifeblood of democracy. Women have been allowed to vote for only the last 88 years, and we took decades, and many lives, to achieve this right. Thousands of American soldiers have died in trying to bring this right to Iraq; yet the Democratic National Committee callously denies the voting rights of millions of Florida and Michigan citizens right here at home. Many of these votes, in fact, were cast as absentee ballots by the brave men and women fighting overseas for America as we speak.
The DNC’s Rules and Bylaws Committee is meeting May 31 to make a decision about whether or not the votes in Michigan and Florida will count. Please contact the DNC at http://www.democrats.org/page/s/contact and tell them to figure out a way to let Michigan and Florida votes count. Please get the word out that we must tell the DNC to stop denying American citizens the right to vote.
It doesn’t matter who your candidate is or whether you are republican or democrat or independent. Because of the DNC’s petty politics and childish infighting, millions of ordinary Americans have been denied the right to vote. This is utterly reprehensible, and should have no place in America today. Tell the DNC to either allow the votes that have already been cast to be counted, or tell them to hold new, fair, democratic elections. The DNC has the time and money to do this. They simply lack the will. Tell them that this is not acceptable in a democratic America today.
Contacting the DNC requires no money. If you don’t want to get on the DNC’s mailing list, transpose a letter or two in the first part of your e-mail address (if you don’t have a valid ending to your e-mail address, e.g., —@comcast.net, your e-mail may be rejected as having no valid e-mail address).
Contacting the DNC requires very little time – you can just write a short message, even 1 line long, e.g., “Find a way to make the votes of the citizens of Michigan and Florida count!”.
Thank you. And Go Twins! Go Cubs! and God Bless America!
May 11, 2008
I’ll cut right to the chase here: I quit. Now before anyone gets all in lather about me quitting to avoid impeachment, or to avoid prosecution, let me assure you: There’s been no breaking of laws or impeachable offenses in this office.
The reason I’m quitting is simple. I’m fed up with you people. I’m fed up because you have no understanding of what’s really going on in the world. Or of what’s going on in this once-great nation of ours. And the majority of you are too damned lazy to do your homework and figure it out.
Let’s start local. You’ve been sold a bill of goods by politicians and the news media. Polls show that the majority of you think the economy is in the tank. And that’s despite record numbers of homeowners, including record numbers of MINORITY homeowners. And while we’re mentioning minorities, I’ll point out that minority business ownership is at an all-time high. Our unemployment rate is as low as it ever was during the Clinton administration. I’ve mentioned all those things before, but it doesn’t sink in.
Despite the shock to our economy of 9/11, the stock market has rebounded to record levels and more Americans than ever are participating in these markets. Meanwhile, all you can do is whine about gas prices, and most of you are too damn stupid to realize that gas prices are high because there’s increased demand in other parts of the world, and because a small handful of noisy idiots are more worried about polar bears and beachfront property than your economic security. We face real threats in the world.
Don’t give me this “blood for oil” crap. If I were trading blood for oil I would’ve already seized Iraq ‘s oil fields and let the rest of the country go to hell. And don’t give me this ‘Bush Lied; People Died’ crap either. If I were the liar you morons take me for, I could’ve easily had chemical weapons planted in Iraq so they could be ‘discovered.’ Instead, I owned up to the fact that the intelligence was faulty.
Let me remind you that the rest of the world thought Saddam had the goods, same as me. Let me also remind you that regime change in Iraq was official US policy before I came into office. Clinton established that policy. Bet you didn’t know that, did you?
You idiots need to understand that we face a unique enemy. Back during the cold war, there were two major competing political and economic models squaring off. We won that war, but we did so because fundamentally, the Communists wanted to survive, just as we do. We were simply able to out spend and out-tech them.
That’s not the case this time. The soldiers of our new enemy don’t care if they survive. In fact, they want to die. That’d be fine, as long as they weren’t also committed to taking as many of you with them as they can. But they are. They want to kill you, and the bastards are all over the globe. You should be grateful that they haven’t gotten any more of us here in the United States since September 11. But you’re not. That’s because you’ve got no idea how hard a small number of intelligence, military, law enforcement, and homeland security people have worked to make sure of that. When this whole mess started, I warned you that this would be a long and difficult fight. I’m disappointed how many of you people think a long and difficult fight amounts to a single season of ‘Survivor.’
Instead, you’ve grown impatient. You’re incapable of seeing things through the long lens of history, the way our enemies do. You think that wars should last a few months, a few years, tops.
Making matters worse, you actively support those who help the enemy. Every time you buy the New York Times, every time you send a donation to a cut-and-run Democrat’s political campaign, well, you might just as well FedEx a grenade launcher to a Jihadist. It amounts to the same thing.
In this day and age, it’s easy enough to find the truth. It’s all over the Internet; it just isn’t on the pages of the New York Times or on NBC News. But even if it were, I doubt you’d be any smarter. Most of you would rather watch American Idol.
I could say more about your expectations that the government will always be there to bail you out, even if you’re too stupid to leave a city that’s below sea level and has a Cat 5 hurricane approaching.
I could say more about your idiotic belief that government, not your own wallet, is where the money comes from (by kostis iacovatos). But I’ve come to the conclusion that were I to do so, it would sail right over your heads.
So, I quit. I’m going back to Crawford. I’ve got an energy-efficient house down there (Al Gore could only dream of) and the capability to be fully self-sufficient. I’m gonna clear brush, plant flowers, and ride my mountain bike. No one ever heard of Crawford before I got elected, and as soon as I’m done here pretty much no one will ever hear of it again. Maybe I’ll be lucky enough to die of old age before the last pillars of America fall.
Oh, and by the way, Cheney’s quitting too.
That means Pelosi is your new President. You asked for it – you can have her. Watch what she does carefully, because I still have a glimmer of hope that there are just enough of you remaining who are smart enough to turn this thing around in 2008.
So that’s it.
God bless what’s left of America . Some of you know what I mean. The rest of you – kiss my ass!”
May 4, 2008
Only 53 years ago!
Comments made in the year 1955:
“I’ll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it’s going to be impossible to buy a week’s groceries for $20.”
“Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won’t be long before $2000 will only buy a used one.”
“If cigarettes keep going up in price, I’m going to quit. A quarter a pack is ridiculous.”
“Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging a dime just to mail a letter?”
“If they raise the minimum wage to $1, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store.”
“When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 29 cents a gallon. Guess we’d be better off leaving the car in the garage.”
“Kids today are impossible. Those duck tail hair cuts make it impossible to stay groomed. Next thing you know, boys will be wearing their hair as long as the girls.”
“I’m afraid to send my kids to the movies any more. Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with saying ‘damn’ in ‘Gone With The Wind,’ it seems every new movie has either “hell” or “damn” in it.
“I read the other day where some scientist thinks it’s possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the century. They even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas .”
“Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $75,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn’t surprise me if someday they’ll be making more than the president.”
“I never thought I’d see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric. They are even making electric typewriters now.”
“It’s too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married women are having to work to make ends meet.”
“It won’t be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch their kids so they can both work.”
“Marriage doesn’t mean a thing any more; those Hollywood stars seem to be getting divorced at the drop of a hat.”
“I’m just afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign business.”
“Thank goodness I won’t live to see the day when the Government takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people to congress.”
“The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on.”
“There is no sense going to Lincoln or Omaha anymore for a weekend. It costs nearly $15 a night to stay in a hotel.”
“No one can afford to be sick any more; $35 a day in the hospital is too rich for my blood.”
“If they think I’ll pay 50 cents for a hair cut, forget it.”
April 27, 2008
Why we even bothering to hold an election?
On one side, we have a bitch who is a lawyer, married to a lawyer, and a
lawyer who is married to a bitch who is a lawyer.
On the other side, we have a true war hero married to a woman with huge boobs who owns a beer distributorship.
Is there a contest here?”
TEEN text lingo decoded for parents
Can’t understand the
acronyms and expressions
on teen Web pages and
text messages? Below are
some commonly used
online terms. Bear in mind
that teen language
evolves… so today’s
expressions may not be so
|B4YKI ||Before You Know It|
|BRB ||Be Right Back|
|CIAO ||Goodbye (in Italian)|
|CWYL ||Chat With You Later|
|CYA ||See You|
|CYT or SYT||See You Tomorrow|
|EM ||Excuse me?|
|GTG ||Got to Go|
|HAK ||Hugs And Kisses|
|ILF ||I Love You|
|IMHO ||In My Humble Opinion|
|IMNSHO||In My Not So Humble|
|J/K ||Just Kidding!|
|KOTL ||Kiss On The Lips|
|LMK ||Let Me Know|
|LOL ||Laugh Out Loud|
|MorF ||Male or Female|
|MU ||Miss You|
|N-A-Y-L||In A While|
|OMG ||Oh My God|
|P911 ||Parent Alert|
|PIR||Parent In Room|
|POS ||Parent Over Shoulder|
|OTP ||On The Phone|
|ROTFL ||Rolling on the Floor|
|RU ||Are You?|
|RU OK ||Are you Okay?|
|SorG ||Straight or Gay|
|SWDYT ||So What Do You|
|TDTM ||Talk Dirty To Me|
|THX or TX or|
|TMI ||Too Much Information|
|TTYL ||Talk to You Later|
|WTF ||What The F***|
|WTG ||Way to Go|
|WYCM ||Will You Call Me?|
April 21, 2008
Famous Last Words
“Man will never reach the moon regardless of all future scientific advances.”
— Dr. Lee DeForest, “Father of Radio & Grandfather of Television.”
“The bomb will never go off. I speak as an expert in explosives.”
— Admiral William Leahy, US Atomic Bomb Project
“There is no likelihood man can ever tap the power of the atom.”
— Robert Millikan, Nobel Prize in Physics, 1923
“Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons.”
— Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949
“I think there is a world market for maybe five computers .”
— Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943
“I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won’t last out the year.”
— The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957
“But what is it good for?”
— Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.
“640K ought to be enough for anybody.” — Bill Gates, 1981
This ‘telephone’ has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us,”
— Western Union internal memo, 1876.
“The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?”
— David Sarnoff’s associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s.
“I’m just glad it’ll be Clark Gable who’s falling on his face and not Gary Cooper,” — Gary Cooper on his decision not to take t he leading role in “Gone With The Wind.”
“A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make,”
— Response to Debbi Fields’ idea of starting Mrs. Fields’ Cookies.
“We don’t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out,”
— Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962.
“Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible,”
— Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895.
“Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value,”
— Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre, France.
“Everything that can be invented has been invented,” — Charles H. Duell,
Commissioner, US Office of Patents, 1899.
“The super computer is technologically impossible. It would take all of the water that flows over Niagara Falls to cool the heat generated by the number of vacuum tubes required.”
— Professor of Electrical Engineering, New York University
“I don’t know what use any one could find for a machine that would make copies of documents. It certainly couldn’t be a feasible business by itself.”
— The head of IBM, refusing to back the idea, forcing the inventor to found Xerox.
“Louis Pasteur’s theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.”
— Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872
“The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon,”
— Sir John Eric Ericksen, British surgeon, appointed Surgeon-Extraordinary to Queen Victoria 1873.
“There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.”
— Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977
And last but not least…
“We’ll take no prisoners!”
— George Armstrong Custer – Custer’s Last Stand 1862.
April 13, 2008
The word “listen” contains the same letters as the word “silent”.
Twenty-Four-Karat Gold is not pure gold since there is a small amount of copper in it. ***Absolutely pure gold is so soft that it can be molded with the hands.
A hippopotamus can run faster than a man.
India never invaded any country in her last 10000 years of history.
Abe Lincoln’s mother died when the family dairy cow ate poisonous mushrooms and Ms. Lincoln drank the milk.
You spend about 3 years of your life in the toilet.
Every day, the average person swallows about a quart of snot.
The slowest growing finger nail is on the thumb nail and the fastest growing is the finger nail on the middle finger.
Brazil is the only country to have played in every World Cup soccer tournament.
Bulls are colorblind, it is the motion of the cape which angers them.
The lion costume in the film Wizard of Oz was made from real lions.
Fathers tend to determine the height of their child, mothers their weight.
The Mona Lisa used to hang on the wall of Napoleon’s bedroom.
Just twenty seconds worth of fuel remained when Apollo 11’s lunar module landed on the moon.
There are 333 toilet paper squares on a toilet paper roll.
The Eiffel Tower has 2,500,000 rivets in it.
Whoopi Goldberg was a mortuary cosmetologist and a bricklayer before becoming an actress.
Hair and nails do not continue to grow after death. The skin recedes, making it appear to grow.
Guinness Book Of Records holds the record for being the book most stolen from Public Libraries.
Babe Ruth kept a lettuce leaf under his hat to keep cool during a game.
The stall closest to the door in a bathroom is the cleanest, because it is the least used.
You may believe that the richest person in the world is a certain sheik who controls oil companies, Nah. The top three spots hold are, computer, newspaper, and steel industry giants. The top five richest people are: 1.Warren Buffett, 2.Bill Gates, 3.Lakshmi Mittal, 4.Carlos Slim Helu, 5.Prince Alwaleed Bin Talal Alsaud.
Alaska could hold the 21 smallest States.
Before Prohibition, Schlitz Brewery owned more property in Chicago than anyone else, except the Catholic church.
By age sixty, most people have lost half of their taste buds.
Cheese is the oldest of all man-made foods.
NFL, Cows and Footballs – Enjoy watching your team move the old cowhide? It takes 3,000 cows to supply enough material for the footballs needed in an average NFL season.
Odd Godfather Fact – The Godfather is roundly acclaimed as one of the greatest movies ever. Al Pacino certainly benefited from it. Few know, however, his role was originally intended for Warren Beatty who turned it down. Doh!
Odd Star Wars Fact – While Al Pacino was not the first choice for the role of Mike in the Godfather, he was for a role in Star Wars. He was offered the role of Han Solo, but turned it down.
April 6, 2008
Thought you might like to see what kind of aviation related things they do in Prince George, B.C. You have seen hundreds of float planes come and go…but bet you haven’t seen one take off like this.
Video was taken in Prince George….got to give the pilot full marks for guts. I imagine you only get one shot at this… notice the fire truck following them… they obviously had a few doubts themselves.
Anyway, you have probably heard in “aviation lore” about all sorts of things pilots have attempted with airplanes. Well, be prepared to witness one of them. When a floatplane is landed on the grass and taken to the hangar for maintenance, obviously it has to depart once again. Landing a floatplane on grass is easier than becoming airborne on grass.
This is where “Dolly” comes in. Put the aircraft on a “dolly”, fire it up, tow it down the runway, and, once a certain speed is attained, push the throttle to “Warp Factor 9”, and you are airborne.
Get ready, here is how the good people at Hill Aircraft Service Ltd. in Prince George, B.C., accomplish a “dolly take-off”!”
Inspiration from the past
On this page, I will post the most inspirational material I receive on any given day. So email firstname.lastname@example.org the best stuff you get. Life can be darn tough sometimes and every now and then you might need a little happiness booster. I’m hoping this page may accomplish that. After you read a few of these, you can push back from your keyboard, throw your arms in the air, wave them back and forth and scream “I’m glad to be alive!” If this happens to you, please send pictures and I’ll post them here!