Getrealspring 2003

Hi!!  My name is Shortarmguy.  You’re probably visiting this page looking for naked pictures of Frenchie Davis.  Sadly, I never found them.  I personally don’t think they ever really existed at all and it was some weird conspiracy by Fox to generate publicity for Season 2 of American Idol.

This is what I wrote in 2003 when the incident was national news:

As first reported here, Frenchie was booted from the show because of some nudie photos that appeared on a website.  But I can’t find the pictures anywhere!!  Oh sure, you can see some supposed pictures posted on savefrenchie.com, but if these pictures are porn, then it’s the worst porn-site in the history of the internet!!  I’ve searched Google and Kazaa which will typically turn up anything you’d ever want to find on the web.  No luck.  If someone out there can show me where these pictures are, I’ll eat my words.  Until then, I strongly believe that Fox is scamming the American public just like television did back in the Quiz Show days!!  

 

Now it’s March 7, 2007 and I still haven’t seen the pictures.

Frenchie Davis was kicked off the show for these pictures.

2003 USA Today article about the scandal

Antonella Barba has naked photos appear on the internet and she gets to stay on the show.

2007 USA Today artcile about the scandal

The longer Antonella stays on the show, the more upset people become because of the perceived double standard.

Antonella Barba Photos Incense Frenchie Davis Fans

But what if the Frenchie pictures never really existed in the first place?

Check for updates to the story at my website:

Shortarmguy.com

 

Get Real With Shortarmguy

Shortarmguy’s Opinions On Reality TV Shows

 

Get Real With Shortarmguy

American Idol and Survivor are over for another season.  

Do you have any suggestions for a new show I should write about?  

Email me at shortarmguy@aol.com

Top American Idol Search Engine Searches used to find Shortarmguy

1.  Clay Aiken Gay  2.  Frenchie Davis Naked Pictures  

3.  Carmen Rasmusen Nude  4.  Kimberly Caldwell Naked

Top Survivor Search Engine Searches Used to Find Shortarmguy.com

1.  Heidi Strobel Nude (Naked)

2.  Jenna Morasca Nude (Naked)

3.  Jenna on Shortarmguy.com (I love to visualize this one!!)

4.  Survivor Girls Naked

5.  Survivor Girls Gone Wild

Naked Survivor Girls Warning!!  Link is to an X-Rated site!!  Although I’ve never linked to a porn site before, this time I really feel obligated.  I’ve had literally tens of thousands of people discover Shortarmguy.com over the past 6 months searching for naked pictures of Jenna Morasca & Heidi Strobel.  Every single Playboy photo is included on this page.  Knock yourselves out!

 

Click Here For Shortarmguy’s Get Real Archives!

 

June 1, 2003

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American Idol

Six weeks ago, I wrote my predictions for the order people would be voted off the show.  Those predictions were right five weeks in a row (Kimberly Caldwell, Carmen, Trenyse, Joshua, and Kimberly Locke).  

I blew the final pick (not you, Clay!)  I really thought Clay Aikenwould be voted American Idol over Ruben Studdard.Not that it really matters.  Both of these guys (as well as Joshua Gracin and Kimberly Locke) are going to have lucrative musical careers in front of them.

So who cares who really won the competition?

I’m just glad to get my life back.  Could Fox have milked this thing out any longer?  I mean, come on, a 3 night finale?  4 hours of television?  Who can spare this kind of time?!?!  Me for one.  I didn’t miss a single minute of any episode.  I’m such a loser!  Thank God it’s done for another year!

I guess we’ll just have to find a new obsession to chat about.  If anyone has suggestions for what I should turn this column into next week, please let me know.

As always, if there was any justice in the world, Shortarmguy would have been the American Idol.  So what if he can’t sing….The KFC Rap should be worth something!!  

Top American Idol Search Engine Searches used to find Shortarmguy

1.  Clay Aiken Gay  2.  Frenchie Davis Naked Pictures  

3.  Carmen Rasmusen Nude  4.  Kimberly Caldwell Naked

Top Survivor Search Engine Searches Used to Find Shortarmguy.com

1.  Heidi Strobel Nude (Naked)

2.  Jenna Morasca Nude (Naked)

3.  Jenna on Shortarmguy.com (I love to visualize this one!!)

4.  Survivor Girls Naked

5.  Survivor Girls Gone Wild

 

Click Here For Shortarmguy’s Get Real Archives!

 

May 25, 2003

American Idol

 

Five weeks ago, I wrote my predictions for the order people would be voted off the show.  Those predictions have been right five weeks in a row (Kimberly Caldwell, Carmen, Trenyse, Joshua, and most recently, Kimberly Locke).  If my predictions hold true through the end, then Clay Aiken will be celebrating victory on Wednesday night and  Ruben Studdard will be wearing the Silver Medal  over his 205 jersey on Wednesday night!  If I’m right and my predictions are correct 6 weeks in a row, I should get to be a celebrity judge next year or something.  I surely won’t candy-coat my comments like all the wussy guest judges they had on this year did!

I’m curious if they will try to replicate the finals like last year when Justin and Kelly were the final two…will they have Ruben and Clay singing romantic songs to each other?   Will the two of them go on the interview circuit afterwards and banter about how the two of them are “just friends”?  Will Clay slip when talking to Katie Couric and say there’s no sexual relationship between them….yet?  Kind of an unpleasant thought, I know.

What are we going to do without American Idol for a whole year??  American Juniors just won’t be the same…the whole idea of the parents bashing the judges is kind of repulsive!   I really don’t think the formula will work for the little kids…

I guess we’ll just have to find a new obsession to chat about.  If anyone has suggestions for what I should turn this column into after next week’s final entry, please let me know.

As always, if there was any justice in the world, Shortarmguy would be the next American Idol.  So what if he can’t sing….The KFC Rap should be worth something!!  

Top American Idol Search Engine Searches used to find Shortarmguy

1.  Clay Aiken Gay  2.  Frenchie Davis Naked Pictures  

3.  Carmen Rasmusen Nude  4.  Kimberly Caldwell Naked

Survivor

 

My Survivor Predictions were terrible!  I don’t think I was ever right.  I thought the cripple was going to win the whole thing, because that’s what we do.  We might not be all there, but we’re competitive sons of bitches.  When Christy was voted off, I was crushed.

Then Jenna Morasca wins!  She would have probably been my last guess to take the title.  Sure she was nice enough to get naked a few times, but she seemed clueless when it came to negotiating alliances.  Admittedly, she redeemed herself in my mind during the reunion show where she said she recognized that she appeared to be a spoiled brat and asked for forgiveness since she’s young and has learned from the experience.

Heidi Strobel wins the award for learning the least from the experience.  She gives dizzy blondes a bad name!  Her attitude at the final tribal council summed things up for her very well.  Her question to the final two was “Who do you think deserves to be up there more than you?”  When both contestants said Rob Cesternino.  She basically replied “Besides Rob, who else deserved it more?”  Guess what Heidi, they probably could have answered a couple more times each before your name came up!!  And this girl has a higher IQ than the rocket scientist?  I’m guessing she slept with the guy who administered the test!  

So that wraps up this edition of the Shortarmguy Get Real column.  I’ll miss watching the show and writing about it.  My site will also miss the hits generated from people seeking naked pictures of the Survivor Girls Gone Wild!  Shortarmguy.com had over 18,000 people visit it this week alone, with 95% of people looking for Jenna and Heidi in the buff!  Don’t worry perverts, I’m sure Playboy will have a special edition giving you what you want very soon!

Top Survivor Search Engine Searches Used to Find Shortarmguy.com

1.  Heidi Strobel Nude (Naked)

2.  Jenna Morasca Nude (Naked)

3.  Jenna on Shortarmguy.com (I love to visualize this one!!)

4.  Survivor Girls Naked

5.  Survivor Girls Gone Wild

 

 

Click Here For Shortarmguy’s Get Real Archives!

 

May 18, 2003

American Idol

 

My predictions have been right four weeks in a row!!  I should move to Vegas and get rich off handicapping the competition!

Joshua Gracin just wasn’t strong enough vocally to compete with the other three.  It’s sad to see him go, since he was such a cool character.  The marines will be happy to have him back.  He’ll probably end up in Iraq in a couple of weeks wandering the streets shouting “I’m ready now!!  Let’s Go Baath Party People!”

If my predictions written five weeks ago hold up as they have until now, this week will be Kimberly Locke’s turn to go.  I just don’t think her fan base is as strong as Clay and Ruben’s.  Unless she’s able to pull Frenchie Davis back into the mix for another incredible duet, she’s toast!

Which will leave us with Clay and Ruben as the final two.  I don’t think the love songs between them will be quite the same as last year’s performances from Kelly and Justin.  I think the movie “From Clay To Ruben” will be better than their picture however.

Here are the balance of my predictions for the duration of the competition:

Kimberly Locke

Ruben Studdard

Clay Aiken  

If there was any justice in the world, Shortarmguy would be the next American Idol.  So what if he can’t sing….The KFC Rap should be worth something!!  

Top American Idol Search Engine Searches used to find Shortarmguy

1.  Clay Aiken Gay  2.  Frenchie Davis Naked Pictures  

3.  Carmen Rasmusen Nude  4.  Kimberly Caldwell Naked

Survivor

My Survivor Predictions Still Suck!!  I’ve been wrong for weeks!  

This show is twisted!  Isn’t it an awful big coincidence that this season’s final castaways have their entire campsite destroyed by fire after last season’s group had their campsite destroyed by a flood?  Any chance that the producers could have helped stoke the fire that Butch is being blamed?  Poor Jenna is crying about losing her heirlooms which are at least five years old!  Too bad that the guy who sat there filming the fire didn’t have the foresight to at least move their backpacks out of the way.  But they couldn’t interfere with the fire from spreading out of control because that wouldn’t be true to the game, right?  My guess is they interfered just enough to be sure to increase drama by adding a fire to the mix!

Tonight’s the final show.  I’ll do the final wrap-up for this season’s survivor next Sunday, May 18th.

That being said, here is my updated prediction for the fate of the final 5 in order of who’s going to be voted out first.

Jenna Morasca 

Rob Cesternino

Matthew Von Ertfelda  

Butch Lockley wins the whole damn thing!!

Top Survivor Search Engine Searches Used to Find Shortarmguy.com

1.  Heidi Strobel Nude (Naked)

2.  Jenna Morasca Nude (Naked)

3.  Jenna on Shortarmguy.com (I love to visualize this one!!)

4.  Survivor Girls Naked

5.  Survivor Girls Gone Wild

 

                                                       Stay Tuned and be prepared to Crown A Principal!!

            Click Here For Shortarmguy’s Get Real Archives!

 

 

 

May 4, 2003

American Idol

My predictions have held up two weeks in a row!!  As I said in last week’s column,  Carmen Rasmusen is gone!!  I guess Clay is going to have find someone else to snuggle up with on stage.  Please God, don’t let it be Ruben!!

Carmen just couldn’t cut the mustard with this crew.  She had the weakest voice left in the competition.  Like my newest  friend Diana Rose said, she sounds like a “sheep on uppers”!

I think Trenyce is next to go.  She does have a great voice, but her personality just really rubs me the wrong way.  She really has the Diva bit down, whether she can earn the attitude is another question entirely!

Kimberly Locke had another phenomenal performance this week!  I really debated about putting her as my pick to win the whole competition.  I finally settled on Clay because I see how girls get all goopy about him.  I don’t think Kimberly Locke or Ruben will get the teeny bopper vote the way Clay will.  Plus, Clay used to spend his life taking care of crippled kids so he’s got that going for him as well.

 
Here are the balance of my predictions for the duration of the competition:
 

Trenyce

Joshua Gracin 

Kimberly Locke

Ruben Studdard

Clay Aiken  

If there was any justice in the world, Shortarmguy would be the next American Idol.  So what if he can’t sing….The KFC Rap should be worth something!!  

Top American Idol Search Engine Searches used to find Shortarmguy

1.  Clay Aiken Gay  2.  Frenchie Davis Naked Pictures  

3.  Carmen Rasmusen Nude  4.  Kimberly Caldwell Naked

Survivor

I think CBS probably pushed Rob to vote the way he did last week.  The show would have become boring pretty quick if it was going to be Rob and the beautiful people as the final four.   He made the smart choice because it’s better to be the coolest of the uncool group then the uncoolest of the cool group!  Although I bet it’s going to be tough for him to ever win a jury vote after the stunt he pulled this week….

Personally, I’m glad Rob sided with the cripple, the psycho, and the nerd.  Freaks of the world unite I say!!  Every time we strike a blow against the beautiful of the world, we move one step closer to inheriting the earth!!!  Then, once the meek rule the planet, we’ll all get naked and have a massive Wesson wrestlin’ festival!!!!!!  

So my Survivor picks last week sucked!  I missed my first attempt!!  

Big Dummy, Shortarmguy!

I have said since week 1 that Christy was going to win the whole damned thing and I’m going to stick with that (at least until she gets voted off!!)

Survivor’s a much trickier show to try to predict to the end since the producers use so many ways to trick you into thinking things are different than they are.  Plus the immunity aspect throws in a different monkey wrench!

That being said, here is my updated prediction for the fate of the final 6 in order of who’s going to be voted out first.

Heidi Strobel

Jenna Morasca 

Matthew Von Ertfelda  

Butch Lockley

Rob Cesternino

Christy Smith wins the whole damn thing!!

Top Survivor Search Engine Searches Used to Find Shortarmguy.com

  1. Heidi Strobel Nude (Naked)
  2. Jenna Morasca Nude (Naked)
  3. Jenna on Shortarmguy.com (I love to visualize this one!!)
  4. Survivor Girls Naked
  5. Survivor Girls Gone Wild

Stay Tuned and be prepared to Crown A Cripple!!

Click Here For Shortarmguy’s Get Real Archives!

 

 

 

April 27, 2003

American Idol

As I predicted in last week’s column, Kimberly Caldwell is gone.  She had the look, but her smoky voice just wasn’t strong enough to carry her through.  Carmen Rasmussen is going to suffer the same fate this week…she’s just going to have to go back and become a professional yodeler.  Either that or marry Clay and sucker him out of his royalty checks!!
 
That being said, here is my personal prediction for the fate of the final 6 in order of who’s going to be voted out first.
 
   
Here’s my reasoning.  I agree that Ruben is great, but I think he may be too obvious of a choice right now which could create a public opinion backlash if he slips at all.  Joshua is great too, but very one dimensional in my opinion.  People are going to get bored with his singing style before the end is up.  Trenyce’s personality will sink her.  Carmen has had a poor showing the past two weeks and I don’t think her relationship with Clay will carry her much longer!  Her song choices have been terrible!  

Kimberly Locke has some very good momentum right now and can sing like the dickens!!  I think her performances and style will continue to improve each week until she becomes the obvious choice to at least be the last female standing.  I just don’t think she has a strong enough fan base to carry her past Ruben and Clay….which is the exact reason why Clay is going to win the whole dang thing!  He has so many teeny boppers out there who are in love with him.  I think the whole geek to chic thing is going to boost him over the top. 

 If there was any justice in the world, Shortarmguy would be the next American Idol.  So what if he can’t sing….The KFC Rap should be worth something!!  

Top American Idol Search Engine Searches used to find Shortarmguy

1.  Clay Aiken Gay  2.  Frenchie Davis Naked Pictures  

3.  Carmen Rasmusen Nude  4.  Kimberly Caldwell Naked

Survivor

This week’s episode was nothing more than a re-cap episode featuring re-run footage or footage not good enough to be used earlier.  More like a re-CRAP episode.

 

Survivor’s a much trickier show to try to predict to the end since the producers use so many ways to trick you into thinking things are different than they are.  I’ll give it a shot anyways for everyone to bash me.

 

That being said, here is my personal prediction for the fate of the final 7 in order of who’s going to be voted out first.

 

Matthew Von Ertfelda  

Butch Lockley

Rob Cesternino

Alex Bell

Heidi Strobel

Jenna Morasca 

Christy Smith wins the whole damn thing!!

Top Survivor Search Engine Searches Used to Find Shortarmguy.com

1.  Heidi Strobel Nude (Naked)

2.  Jenna Morasca Nude (Naked)

3.  Jenna on Shortarmguy.com (I love to visualize this one!!)

4.  Survivor Girls Naked

5.  Survivor Girls Gone Wild

 

Stay Tuned and be prepared to Crown A Cripple!!

 

Click Here For Shortarmguy’s Get Real Archives!

 

 

April 20, 2003

American Idol

Great show this week.  I like the mix provided by the genre of Billboard’s number 1 hits.  They still haven’t done any rap music, though…those silly people.

It must really be a strange feeling for Ruben Studdard. I can’t image this dude had much luck with the ladies before American Idol. Now he has kids across to country buying 205 shirts and women are lining up to sleep next to his big old butt.   He’s pretty much the favorite to win the whole darn thing.  He’ll seal the victory if he promises to bring his brother on stage again to beat the snot out of Ryan Seacrest.

Joshua Gracin is moving up my preference list.  When he’s singing country music, he actually sounds pretty good.  I don’t think his name will come up if there’s a casting call for the sequel to Saturday Night Fever, however.

The Is Clay Aiken Gay Mystery Deepens even more.  Even though you see him playing kissy face with Carmen Rasmusen all the time, you just can’t tell if it’s a front or not.  For instance, during the Nokia Photo Phone commercial, Beautiful Carmen sends him a Kiss Picture. Instead of responding to her, he sends a new picture to Ruben. I can’t remember what the message was but I remember something about beating with 3 digits.  Personally, I still think he’s straight and hooking up with Carmen, but I have many people emailing me their doubts…By the way,  I think her relationship with him is the only thing that saved her butt this week.

Rickey Smith was voted off for 2 reasons. First, the song he chose sucked. Second, by tearing a page from Corey Clark’s success manual by wearing a really stupid hat, he virtually assured his own destruction.  Should have kept the “Hercules, Hercules” thing going just a little bit longer, Rickey!

My prediction for who is going to get kicked off the show this week is Kimberly Caldwell.  She sounds like she’s singing through a stoma. Lay off the smokes, Kimberly!  Don’t feel too bad for her, though, since she does have a really good chance at selling naked pictures to Playboy!

Stay tuned to this week’s awesome episode where the guest judge will be another washed up music star from the 80’s!!!  Should be fun!!

Survivor

 

Is it just me or does Matthew Von Ertfelda look identical to a young Anthony Robbins?       I don’t think this guy will ever make it as a motivational speaker, however, since he’s a really big dummy.  Even if he wins the million bucks, he’s never going to be able to live with the fact that he was played so hard by a Bozo like Rob Cesternino.  

Butch Lockley should probably even be more humiliated though since he’s just a link on the end of the Rob/Matt chain.  This guy is supposedly a principal at some school.  I’d just love to be a naughty student that gets sent to his office.    It ought to be pretty easy to talk your way out of detention by a guy so thick that he doesn’t get the fact that the piranha he’s holding in his hand just might bite him. 

The most sexual thing ever uttered on Survivor is as follows:

Heidi says to Alex   “Do I need to like totally put my mouth around it.” Alex says “Yeah, I think so.” Of course, they were talking about how best to use the blow gun for the award challenge, but it still sounded pretty cool to me!!

This week was a really boring show.       Our Survivor Girls Gone Wild didn’t get nude even once. This may be the first episode where we didn’t have some form of naked pictures of Jenna Morasca and Heidi Strobel. They may lose their NC17 rating if they keep this up!

Our favorite cripple, Christy Smith, has been extremely quiet lately, which reinforces my belief that she’s going to win the whole damn thing.       You just have to admire her determination during the immunity challenge.  They had to eat bugs, grubs, and larvae.  Christy kept going even though she was gagging non-stop.

Deena Bennett was kicked off the island.  Who cares.  She tried to pull a power play saying that if Matt wins immunity, then Alex needs to go.  She was trying to win Heidi over to her logic and then was so bright she exclaimed she could get Jenna to vote with her saying “I don’t have a problem with Jenna, I just need to finesse that. So I will let you know when it’s time to talk to Jenna.”       Did she really think she was closer to Jenna than her bath partner, Heidi?  Bad move, Deena.   

Stay Tuned and be prepared to Crown A Cripple!!

Click Here For Shortarmguy’s Get Real Archives!

 

April 13, 2003

American Idol

I knew there was a reason I didn’t like Corey Clark!!  It turns out he’s being charged with battery on his little sister!!  And he likes to fight with cops!!!  And he writes bad checks!!!  Read Details Here  What a classy guy…

Well he’s gone now and I say Good Riddance! Although I will miss making fun of his original Sideshow Bob hairstyle which then changed into his Hot Wheels Racetrack Hairdo.  It would have been nice to see what he would have put on his head had he gone on longer…

My new least favorite contestant is Trenyce I have never really liked her personality.  This was reinforced after reading in Entertainment Weekly that she had to change room-mates several times because it seems she couldn’t get along with people.  Now we find out that she’s a former criminal as well!!  Read Details Here  Fox sure picked a good, clean-cut group of kids this year!!  And the dirty dogs kicked off Franchelle “Frenchie” Davis only for having naked pictures on the internet?!?!  Seems some TV folks sure have their values mixed up…

My current favorites still are Ruben Studdard, Kimberly Locke and Clay Aiken, although I think Clay’s performances could use a little bit more variety.  He sounds the same every week regardless of what genre he’s singing.  And for all of you searching the internet trying to discover whether Clay Aiken  is gay or not, just check out how much he snuggles up with Carmen Rasmusen and you should have an answer to your question.

Stay tuned to this week’s amazing episode where the genre will be Yodeling Gospel Music!  Should be fun!!

Survivor

 Well, another week goes by where the producers of Survivor shamelessly try to get Heidi Strobel and Jenna Morasca nude in a different way.  This week was the old trick of  “Oh, we’re going to wipe our bodies off while standing in a boat.”  Notice they don’t show any of Rob Cesternino’s washing rituals.

Other than the stripping Survivor Girls Gone Wild, the show itself is getting pretty boring.  It was pretty obvious that Dave Johnson was going to get voted off this week since he was Roger’s only friend.  It would seem that Butch Lockley will be the next to go since he was the last of the clueless who thought the original guys vs girls alliance was holding.  It’s also possible that Butch has developed a bond with our favorite cripple, Christy Smith, since the show hasn’t focused on any  strategy of either of these two.

Christy hasn’t received much focus at all the past couple of weeks which further reinforces my belief that she’s going far in the competition.  The only part of this episode she even contributed was calling Matthew Von Ertfelda “creepy”.

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m guessing this isn’t just a tease by the producers who are painting Matthew as a psycho killer who keeps sharpening his machete.  I think he really might go nuts and start hacking up the other contestants.  And knowing how these Reality TV people think, they’ll probably just keep filming and include it as part of the game.  Heck, they might even turn it into an immunity challenge at the end.  They’ll just take the last three people in the contest, give them all sharpened snow shovels, and the last one standing wins the million.  

Stay Tuned and be prepared to Crown A Cripple!!

 

 

Click Here For Shortarmguy’s Get Real Archives!

 

April 6, 2003

American Idol

Country Music Sucks!  It’s just no good!!  How could they devote an entire American Idol episode to it, then??  My guess is that Joshua Gracin was slipping in the voting a bit, so they had to showcase him in his preferred format.  You know the greedy dogs at Fox are just drooling to have a real American Patriot Soldier like Joshua go far in the American Idol competition.  They probably have plans to have him create war-themed music videos to be played around the clock on Fox News!   

   Most of the performer’s country songs were absolutely terrible.  Except Julia DeMato.  She did a great job singing Faith Hill’s “Breathe”.  Then she gets voted off the show.  Kind of sad since the poor girl  has her best performance yet.  The perverts of the world will definitely miss Julia’s contribution to the show.  At least it gave Kimberly Caldwell another chance to cry which I believe marks her 37th time shedding tears this season.  Lighten up, Kimberly!!  You’re still hanging around!  

Corey Clark is lucky to still be on the show as well after barely missing being among the bottom three.  Nice country song, Corey!  It wasn’t even close to being from the right genre.  At least he wore his neat new hat which doubles as a container to cook Jiffy Pop popcorn on his head while he’s waiting to lose the competition.

The mystery deepens about whether Clay Aiken is gay or not since he asked Ryan Seacrest if he was available and  Seacrest rushed to tell him “No Way!”.  Even though Clay was merely asking hypothetically if he would be willing to play his part if a movie was made about his life,  Aiken had a very strange “I want your sausage.” look in his eye when he asked the question.   

Finally, Carmen Rasmusen officially turned 18 this week so it’s ok to seek out naked pictures of her on the internet without worrying about the Feds coming to take you away!!!  Now we have that going for us.  Which is nice. 

This week’s special musical theme will be Gregorian Chants of the Dominican tradition so we can really look forward to that!

Survivor

 

I can’t believe how many people are out there looking for naked pictures of Heidi Strobel and Jenna Morasca!  I had over 1500 people find my site this week looking for pictures of these two!  For all of you perverts out there who missed this past week’s show, you can see vidcaps of it here.  

This week’s immunity challenge was such a blatant set-up for the pretty girls to take their clothes off.  Basically, they all stand on poles.  Jeff Probst mentions that there will be incentives to entice people to quit the challenge.   Before he even gets the words out, Jenna says I’d take off all my clothes and jump in if you only had some peanut butter.  Miraculously, he pulls up a big plate full of peanut butter and a bunch of cookies.  She and Heidi then strip and jump in the water.  And no-one seems surprised!  Remember how shocked everyone was when Richard Hatch flashed his man’s best friend?  I guarantee these girls were selected because they told the producers that they’d be nude every chance they could.  They’re probably the 1st Survivor Girls Gone Wild who signed their contracts with Playboy before the show even started shooting!

The rest of the show was pretty lame.  Roger Sexton was voted off after thinking he had all the men on his side.  Big dummy.  Didn’t he know all bets are off once people have switched tribes?  Didn’t it even occur to him that someone like Rob Cesternino would strike a deal with someone like Deena Bennett?  He’s supposed to be a Vice President of Estimating according to the Survivor website.  I estimate he’ll never be made President of Estimating if this is the way he estimates!

Speaking of Rob, he’s such a pervert and he’s lusting over the possibilities of a three-way with him, Jenna, and Heidi if it gets down to them being the final three.  Then when a bunch of the contestants are swapping sex stories, he says he has no exciting ones, and not even many boring ones.  Rob, if this is the case, you’re shooting way too high.  Your odds are much better trying to get a three way with Deena and our favorite cripple, Christy Smith

  Stay Tuned and be prepared to Crown A Cripple!!

 

 

Click Here For Shortarmguy’s Get Real Archives!

 

March 29, 2003

American Idol

So this week it was Charles Grigsby‘s turn to be voted off the island.  Probably deserved, but I think it should have been the final tribal council for Hot Wheels Race Track Head, Corey Clark, instead! 

I’ve had so many people find my site by wondering if Clay Aiken is gay or not.  Folks, who cares?  The kid can sing!  It really doesn’t matter if he’s staring at Paula’s chest or Simon’s crotch while he’s doing it now, does it?  So what if he can belt out a tune and also play the flute!

Speaking of phrases that people are using to find my site, I can’t believe how many people are still looking for naked pictures of Frenchie Davis.  She’s yesterday’s news.  Find me some naked pictures of Julia DeMato and Kimberly Caldwell and then we can go into business together!!  I really liked Kimberly’s new look….she looked hotter than a burning ember on the last show!

Speaking of things burning, doesn’t Joshua Gracin have a war he’s supposed to be attending?  Don’t get me wrong, I think he’s a great singer….it’s just that it seems odd to root for him when his fellow troops are performing admirably in a different way. 

We’ll see how this week’s disco themed show goes before making any new predictions!

 

Survivor

Thank God, they split Shawna Mitchell and Alex Bell up!  They’re little love affair was really starting to make me vomitous…

At least we still have the other two ladies who play up to the perverts in the audience!!!  It looks like CBS is going to try to out-sleaze they’re buddies at Fox with this next week’s episode.  They’re going to get Heidi Strobel and Jenna Morasca naked again in what apparently looks like a new strategy in this week’s immunity challenge!  I sure hope one of them wins using these tactics so it becomes the new standard!!

  As much fun as they are to look at, didn’t Heidi’s boobs look really scary in this last episode?  I guess this proves that implants don’t shrink with the rest of the body when dehydration sets in!!

I have to tell you that this week’s immunity challenge was the best yet!  Who would have ever thought that a meat chomping contest could be so fun and disgusting?

Although I was very happy that Christy Smith kicked Jenna’s ass in this week’s reward challenge of log rolling, I’m disappointed the way CBS is portraying her.  This crappy, gooey bullshit dialog that it’s so impressive that even though she’s a cripple, she can still win some times and Good For Her.  I’m surprised they don’t say that some day, she may even be considered an equal with her non-crippled counterparts.  

We cripples will never stop being treated as second class citizens until we start rising to the top of the ranks by winning competitions like this, and then not dance around chanting I can be normal too!!  Christy, next time, start some heavy trash talking.  Yell I’m crippled, I’m damn proud of it, and I crushed your monkey ass!!!!  

Stay Tuned and be prepared to Crown A Cripple!!

 

Click Here For Shortarmguy’s Get Real Archives!

 

 

March 20, 2003

American Idol

I’d like to be the first to say that the movie From Justin To Kelly looks extremely, extremely Gay.  I’ll probably go see it.  You can see a teaser video of it here.

I liked this week’s show.  The Final 12 are damn good. It’s going to be interesting to see who can pull off winning performances week after week.

Memo to Fox:  Lose the guest judges.  We don’t need any more suck-ups on the bench.  The mo-town them was pretty cool and it was right to honor Lamont Dozier since they were using all of his songs.  However, you should have just given him a standing ovation….not a spot on the bench.  He just watered down everyone else’s opinions.

I still really like Clay Aiken.  He started off as a geek, but his talent and attitude will carry him through to at least the final 3.  In the end, however, he may get voted off by one of the prettier contestants since so many teeny-boppers watch and vote.

Kimberly Locke dropped a notch for me.  Her performance this week really kind of stunk!  Bring back naked Frenchie Davis for another awesome duet!

My least favorite contestant is Corey Clark.   His new anti-Justin Guarini hairstyle is the latest thing that bugs the crap out of me.  His corn rows makes me want to sponsor Hot Wheels races on his head!

Be sure to watch this week’s 9 hour episode on FOX!

Survivor

I can’t believe they split up Heidi Strobel, Shawna Mitchell, and Jenna Morasca!!!  Does this mean no more naked, bath scenes????  I may have to stop watching!

Plus now they’re going to start throwing in a romantic angle between Shawna Mitchell and Alex Bell.  How Boring!!!!

Jeanne Hebert was booted this week.  Totally deserved!  She said she wasn’t going to lie or cheat to win the game.  Sounds like a loser’s cry to me…

Some teacher Heidi must be.  Granted, they say she’s only a gym teacher, but you’d still think that  somewhere in her college education she’d have learned that you don’t spell the female name Jeanne as “GENE”!

Christy Smith is going to play the sympathy bit for all it’s worth, which is why she still remains my favorite for winning the whole damn thing!  We cripples know very well how to work this angle!!  It does shock me that the women never took the time to set the fire right so she could read their lips during the night time.  The men figured this simple act out right away.  Whoever said that women are the more nurturing gender may have just been proven completely wrong!  

Stay Tuned and be prepared to Crown A Cripple!!

 

Click Here For Shortarmguy’s Get Real Archives!

 

March 16, 2003

 

American Idol

It wasn’t a great week for American Idol fans in Minnesota!  Tuesday night’s show was pre-empted by a Minnesota Wild Hockey Game.  Wednesday night’s show was pre-empted by the Minnesota High School Hockey Tournament.  What the hell are these TV people thinking about??  I’d rather watch Simon delivering a stinging slap shot to Randy and Paula than this any day of the week!

 So I guess I was wrong about Franchelle “Frenchie” Davis being brought back into the mix.  Which proves you can star in bondage flicks like the chick from Joe Millionaire, but you can’t be in elusive nudie pictures which are nowhere to be found.  I know about the supposed pictures posted on savefrenchie.com but those suck and sure wouldn’t justify someone being kicked off the show.  If we don’t get to vote for Frenchie, then dammit Fox at least make those pictures more available!!

As for the Wild Card Show, it looks like we finally have a Final 12.  It only took  100 hours of programming to get here.  My current favorites are Kimberly Locke and Clay Aiken, but if Fox keeps dragging this show out I’m sure I will hate them all by the time this thing is over.   

In keeping with that spirit, I just heard that this week’s “special” episode is going to be two hours long on Tuesday.  It should be changed from Fox to the OverKill network.

 

Survivor

 

I can’t believe how many people are searching the internet for naked pictures of Heidi Strobel, Shawna Mitchell, and Jenna Morasca.  My website has gained more hits by people searching for naked pictures of these three than by any other phrase ever.  Reality check for all my fellow perverts:  There aren’t any naked pictures of these girls out there!  Get out your Photoshop and start pasting their heads on porn stars to satisfy your urges temporarily.  I’m sure Playboy will get to at least one of them soon enough.   

More evidence of Cripo-phobia in America.  I didn’t get a single hit from people searching for naked pictures of the deaf girl and Shortarmguy’s personal favorite, Christy Smith.  Guys, just because she can’t hear, doesn’t mean that it’s not still fun to look at her naked!  Plus, if her underarms are any indication, this girl has more Bush than a White House Christmas Special!

As far as this week’s show goes, JoAnna Ward was kicked off the island.  She probably deserved it just because of her God attitude.  JoAnna, I really don’t think that God has the time to choose sides in the Survivor game and if he did, my guess is he’d be with me and root for the cripple.  Just a personal opinion.

 

 

Click Here For Shortarmguy’s Get Real Archives!

 

March 9, 2003

American Idol

Patrick Lake got screwed.  I liked Joshua Gracin mainly for the patriotic angle, but I really think that Corey Clark sounds like the noises cats squeak out when making love.  So America screwed Patrick, then the judges did by selecting two other people from his group ahead of him for the wild card show.  So what if he looks like a young  Tank Abbott?   Freaky looking people don’t catch any breaks.

Speaking of weird love making sounds, I heard a rumor that Ruben Studdard and Kimberly Locke are an item.  Can you imagine the sounds coming from the room if those two were doing the nasty?  I’d imagine it would rival the Tabernacle Choir.  Alleluia!

 As far as the upcoming wild card show goes, Simon referred  to a big twist along the lines of Joe Millionaire.  My guess is they’re going to be sneaking Franchelle “Frenchie” Davis back in as I predicted more than 2 weeks ago as you can read in my Get Real archives.  

Judging by the hundreds of hits my site has received about people looking for naked pictures of Frenchie, America is screaming to have her brought back in.  I predict that Fox will have a change of heart and say they’re going to let her compete because of the massive public demand.  Bullshit!!  I think this was a publicity stunt from the very beginning.  

As first reported here, Frenchie was booted from the show because of some nudie photos that appeared on a website.  But I can’t find the pictures anywhere!!  Oh sure, you can see some supposed pictures posted on savefrenchie.com, but if these pictures are porn, then it’s the worst porn-site in the history of the internet!!  I’ve searched Google and Kazaa which will typically turn up anything you’d ever want to find on the web.  No luck.  If someone out there can show me where these pictures are, I’ll eat my words.  Until then, I strongly believe that Fox is scamming the American public just like television did back in the Quiz Show days!!  

If I’m right, then I demand Fox include me in one of their next reality shows.  I have an idea that would be right up their alley.  It would be just like Joe Millionaire, except I’d be Joe.  We’d pretend I have real arms and have 10 glove store owners be contestants.  Each week, the glove store designers will try to make me the perfect pair of gloves.  Then, in the 5-hour grand finale, I’ll pull out my real arms and they’ll all be so pissed because the gloves won’t fit after all.

Survivor

 

So Daniel Lue loses, big shocker!!  The guy was about as smart as a box of rocks.  I don’t know about any of the rest of you, but when he and Matthew Von Ertfelda started speaking in Mandarin Chinese I really thought they were going to start French Kissing.

The guys vs. girls angle is really starting to shape up.  I can’t believe the guys can only focus on how hot the girls are, instead of playing the dang game.  CBS constantly shows the guys drooling over the women and then asking the Magic 8 Ball questions and shaking it up.  The way they jerk that toy back and forth is more than just a subtle reference to masturbation as far I’m concerned.  Frankly, I was offended.  At least until the river bath with  Heidi Strobel, Shawna Mitchell, and Jenna Morasca.  After that scene, I was reaching for my very own Magic 8 Ball!

Shortarmguy’s personal favorite is still Christy Smith, mainly because we cripples must stick together for the coming war between the cripples and the beautiful people of the world!  There was such blatant Cripo-phobia going on in this show, it made me want to start sharpening my bayonet.  First, when the guys were all talking about the girls they wanted to nail, Christy’s name never came up!!  Then, later, Christy was on camera lamenting the fact that the girls her age wouldn’t let her come do the bath scene with them.  I don’t know about the rest of you out there, but I say the more mostly naked girls we can get on screen at a time the better!  But they just wouldn’t let her come.  So we had to settle for Christy bathing with Jeanne Hebert and Deena Bennett who hardly showed any flesh at all!!!

 I do have one bit of advice for Christy, though:  Shave those underarms, girlfriend.  You’re not doing our cause a whole bunch of good when you rise your arms high in the air and expose a bush bigger than the Amazon around you!!

 

Click Here For Shortarmguy’s Get Real Archives!

 

 

February 27, 2003

American Idol

 

This section of my website has been extremely popular this week.  Although very few people emailed me with feedback, I did get several hundred visitors to my site who were searching Google for the name Franchelle “Frenchie” Davis and naked pictures.  Guys, if you really want the photos, go to savefrenchie.com.  They lead you to a site where you can see them.  Although I never could get them to pull up because there was so much damned traffic!  Everyone wants Frenchie naked!

I seriously considered selling “Save Frenchie!” t-shirts since so many people are seeking her out.  I even had them on my store for about two minutes (pictured to the left).  But I pulled them off before a sale was possible when I figured that Fox might sue me and force me to sit through a four-hour Grand Finale version of Joe Millionaire.  I wouldn’t wish that threat on my worst enemy! 

Regarding current shows, the group didn’t move me this week.  There wasn’t a Ruben Studdard, Kimberly Locke, or even a Clay Aiken in the bunch.  I liked Rickey Smith quite a bit, but I have some advice. Ricky,  The “Hercules, Hercules” thing was absolutely hilarious the first time I heard it, but extremely annoying the third or fourth time.  Come up with a new funny line.  I suggest you stick with Eddie Murphy movies.  How about  “There’s a new sheriff in town and his name is Reggie Hammond.” from the movie 48 Hours.  Maybe you could insert your first name so it would be Ricky Hammond instead which has the potential to make the line even funnier.

Vanessa Olivarez, you did a great job at fending off Simon‘s comment that you could lose a couple of pounds.  Mr Perfect Cowell is searching for ways to be as cruel and cutting as he can be since that’s what makes him so popular.  You did the right thing by shoving your ass in his face and basically saying “Suck it!  This is the finest booty that ever walked the face of this earth.”  People obsessed with pointing out other people’s flaws are just terrified of the day that their own flaws become more visible. 

Survivor

 

Janet got the boot.  Probably deserved it.  Even though you just know it was Jeff Probsts granola bar.  And JoAnna, lighten up.  I think God realizes that it’s just a game and won’t get jealous of the immunity idol. 

Also Roger, it’s probably not the right environment to start telling people your negative views about gay people.    Go off in the woods, jerk it out of your system, and those feelings for your tribe mates will just go away after awhile.

Finally, I really thought I was going to be eating my “Don’t ever bet against a cripple!” statement from last week.  How did I know that Christy was going to be such a head case?

Christy, I realize I don’t understand how frustrating and isolated it must be to be deaf, but I do know a little something about being different.  In a game where the object is to make people like you so they don’t vote you off, it’s probably not a good idea to bash people for not working hard or to whine that you’re at a disadvantage.  You need to smile, work your ass off, and remind others politely that they need to take different steps to communicate with you.  Prove that you’re more than capable to be there and build their respect.  Than you can start throwing daggers at others in the group pissing and moaning.

I’m still pulling for you though, girlfriend.  Do Us Cripples Proud!

     

February, 16 2003

American Idol

The best of the best!  I want to be the American Idol, except I’m too old….and I’m funny looking….and I can’t really sing.  Other than that I think I would rule on this show!

Here’s my skinny on the current contestants.  I Love Ruben and Kimberly.  I think the other Kimberly and Clay were robbed!  And I think Patrick looks an awful lot like a young Tank Abbott from Ultimate Fighting Championships.  Maybe if Simon busts Patrick’s chops too much, he’ll get a rear choke of his very own.

Shortarmguy’s Inside Thoughts

Franchelle “Frenchie” Davis is banned by American Idol because of some nudie pictures that she posed for.  Read about it here.  

Don’t fall for the Frenchie conspiracy!  My guess is that this is all a huge publicity stunt being perpetrated by Fox.  Supposedly, Frenchie let them know about the photos very early on and it wasn’t until recently that they booted her from the competition.  Fox probably thinks that they can stir up some controversy (thus publicity) and get a Grass Roots movement to return her to the line-up.  Hell, there’s already a petition on-line with over 34,000 signatures on it!!  Those classy Fox executives are pretending like they want to preserve a clean-cut image for the show, but  these are the same people who brought us shows like When Animals Attack Nuns 4 and Amazing Ice Cream Truck Crashes!!

In the end, Frenchie will be brought back because this lady’s got the vocals!  Check out the video of her and Kimberly Locke singing Band of Gold and you’ll see what I mean!!  The video and everything else you might want to know about this show can be found at IdolOnline.

Survivor

The Grand-Daddy of all Reality Shows!  Every new season I contemplate putting a tape together to try out for the show, but I always chicken out.  Although I think I could be a good snake and vote manipulator, I know I’d be crying like a little girl after only one night of the torture these people are put through.  I can just picture the video of me sleeping in a pile of my own feces while everyone else around me is working hard.

I like the new season.  This show had been getting a bit tired the past couple times, but I really like the concept of the guys going against the girls.  You just know the chicks are going to end up winning the whole kit and caboodle.  The guys are so focused on what the girls look like in their swimsuits, that I’m betting we’ll have some footage of a circle jerk by the middle of the third show. 

Here’s my skinny on the current contestants.  I like Heidi and Roger, but it’s very early.  I’m sure I’ll hate the both of them by the end of the next show.  I also think Daniel is a big, dumb baboon.  I mean come on, how hard is it to walk over a log?

Shortarmguy’s Inside Thoughts

 

Don’t ever bet against a cripple!

 

Christy Smith is the first disabled Survivor Contestant…..unless you count Gervase Peterson.

According to the Survivor website, Smith is deaf.  She can hear minimal sounds but relies on lip-reading skills.  On the first episode, they showed Christy having a very difficult time communicating with her fellow tribe members.  They also focused on her belly-aching about being at a huge disadvantage in the game just like she has been her entire life.

This is bullshit.  Christy is at a huge advantage.  Who’s going to be cruel enough to vote against her?  Trust me, there’s some built-in sympathy inherent in a situation like this.  Also, the odds are she won’t get involved in squabbles with other tribe members which is another chip in her pile.  

The survival aspect of the game is the wild card here.  Can she handle living in the perils and pitfalls of the Amazon?  I’ll just bet that she’s a tough cookie.  We cripples go through a bunch of crap dealing with non-cripples while growing up, which builds incredible stamina.  We turn into natural fighters who persevere in conditions where weaker minds might fail.

Plus, if Christy was going to be one of the first people voted off the island, there’s no way the producers would show her blubbering.  They’d be focusing on anything positive she was doing and throw in a couple “Hey, at least she’s trying!”

Trust me, go to Vegas, put a couple of grand on the deaf girl and wait for the money to start rolling in!  10 percent of all winnings must go to Shortarmguy.

Joe Millionaire

Update:  I can’t believe that Fox suckered me into watching this crap!  I haven’t been this pissed about a show since Temptation Island’s crappy finale!  Evan is a big doughnut-head!  How can Fox get away with saying that the twist at the end was so bizarre that it would make his lack of $50 million look like a little white lie?  There’s no way I’m watching next week.  As a matter of fact, I’m going to go and kick the shit out of my TV.

I was going to do a section on this show, but they pissed me off so bad last week.  All week long, Fox had commercials saying that this meat-head was going to be picking between Sarah and Zora.  Then, the entire show was just a re-cap of the series up to that point!  It wasn’t that good the first time watching it, but to be lied to and tricked into sitting through Evan struggling to talk again was un-fricking-bearable!

I no longer care who wins!!!!!   But, I’ll probably still watch the damned 2-hour finale anyways!

Get Real With Shortarmguy

I’m hooked on reality TV!!   Has Prime Time ever been any better than it is right now?

I prefer it so much more to watching CNN telling me in detail fifty different ways that I might die today.

I want to write about these shows regularly on Shortarmguy.  Do you think I should?

This is a new feature and I’m not sure how my regular visitors will like it. 

I want to ask you to send me some feedback on this section.

If you liked this column, send me an email at shortarmguy@aol.com saying keep it.  

If you think it sucks, send me an email saying suck it!

If you loved this column then email all of your buddies and tell them to visit Shortarmguy.com.

If you have any opinions or inside skinny on these shows then send me those as well!!!

 

Stop back often because I’ll be constantly updating!!

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