Get Real Late Winter 2004

Get Real With Shortarmguy

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So Chris Daugherty turns out to be a real jerk and wins the whole thing!!  What is it about this game any more?  The only way it seems you can win is by completely stabbing people in the back!!!

Chris cut the throats of both Julie Berry and Eliza Orlins and they still voted for him!!  Wacky!!

Twila Tanner was just run through the ringer!!  The poor lady thought she was doing the right thing to win the game and the other ladies acted like she killed somebody to get to the top.

 Scout Cloud Lee and Ami Cusack were the only ones to see the game for what it was and forgave Twila for her actions.  Although, I don’t think either one of them would have ever given their votes to a man over a woman!!  (I think it’s in the lesbian rule book…) 

I did warm up to Ami again at the reunion.  She seemed much sweeter than she was at the end of her time on the island.  I guess it’s tough to be a Survivor for 35 days or so without letting your inner bitch take over.  I can’t imagine how I’d be after going through the hell these people do!!  

It turns out the biggest winner of this season is Jeff Probst!  The host of the show was lucky enough to score Julie Berry for a girlfriend!  That has to be worth more than $1 million dollars any day!!

You can read about their romance here.

I’m guessing that means we’re not going to get to see Julie in Playboy….

Damn You, Mr Survivor.  Damn You!

Shortarmguy’s Get Real Column

Which foxy lady is going to have naked pictures arrive on the net first?

This is The Order I’d Like To See Them!

1.  Julie Berry — A Very Sexy Native American Girl!!  Supposedly she’s already posed nude before as well, but I’ve yet to find these pictures…

2.  Ami Cusack — According to her bio, she’s dating a girl named Crissy!!  Also appeared in Playboy already, so there’s a good chance hers will show up first.  (Pictures are now out on the internet.  Links Here and Here.)

3.  Dolly Neely — I hear them Sheep Herders Can Be Pretty Wild in the Sack!!!!!  Dolly was not a great Survivor player.

4.  Leann Slaby — She used to be a model in Minneapolis, so we probably know many of the same people!!

5.   Eliza Orlins — One of her favorite hobbies is eating!  Breathing is one of my favorite hobbies.

6.  Mia Galeotalanza — Sexy Status Undetermined

7.  Lisa Keiffer — Get spicy with this Cajun Queen

8. Scout Cloud Lee — All right, I might not post the link to nude photos of Scout.

9.  Twila Tanner — I definitely won’t link to naked pictures of Twila.  She scares the crap out of me!!

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Chris Daugherty is a very smart man!!  He was the only dude left with six women and somehow it looks like he might make it all the way to the finals.  

He was extremely shrewd in voting off Julie Berry, even though I’m certain he liked her more than anyone else on the island.  

The reason being that almost everyone hates Eliza Orlins, Twila Tanner and Scout Cloud Lee.  These three ladies have all completely annoyed everyone else on the jury!  If he’d have gone to the final two with Julie, he wouldn’t have had a chance in hell.  

Now, not only does he have the edge in the immunity challenges, but if he’s up against Scout or Twila, I’m certain he’ll swing enough of the other girls to vote for him to win.  He may have a tough time winning the vote if he goes against Eliza in the end, even if her voice does grate on people like fingernails on a chalkboard.

We’ll miss having Julie around, though.  She sure was a pretty lady with a great spirit.  Plus, she liked taking off her bikini which is always a plus in my book!!  A Shortarmguy visitor told me to check out her audition tape here and it is quite interesting.  She knows how to utilize her “assets” to get what she wants!!

The final four episode and the reunion special will be on Sunday night this week, so many of you will be reading this column after the winner is known.  

I will do my final series wrap-up column next Sunday.

Go Chris!!

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Ding Dong, the Witch is Dead!  Which Old Witch?  The Lesbian Witch With The Big Fake Boobs!!

Ami Cusack got some of her own medicine!!  She tried to act likes she’s so innocent and played the game with such high integrity, but she’s just a very sore loser!!  She was every bit as ruthless to Rory Freemen and some of the other men.  She stabbed Eliza Orlins in the back by voting for her and then acted like they were best friends as she made a weak attempt to dig out from the Huge Hole in which she found herself!!

Good Bye and Good Riddance!  She should be fun in the last tribal council though, depending on who’s left in the final 2.  She’s got vengeance boiling in her blood!

Hard to believe that there’s a good chance that Twila Tanner and Scout Cloud Lee are most likely going to make it to the Final Four.  I would have never guessed those two would be there when this season started.  

I’d probably like to see Chris Daugherty and Julie Berry make it to the finals.  According to the previews, it looks like Twila and Eliza get into a bit of a catfight, so you’d guess there’s a good chance one of those two will go next and then the final episode is a week from tonight!

My money is on Julie to win the whole thing.  Sure, she’s one of the beautiful people, but I also don’t ever recall her every having angry words with anyone and it always seems like it’s always the last person top piss someone off that wins this silly game.

Plus, hopefully she’ll appear in Playboy after she wins!!

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This week’s episode was definitely the best so far this season!  CBS did a good job making it seem like Chris Daugherty was definitely leaving the island this week.  It was pretty funny watching him scream at his fiancée during the immunity challenge because he was so sure he was going home…

Who would have thought that Twila Tanner would have it in her to orchestrate a coup like this?  She was the one who pushed Chris to wake up and see that Leann Slaby was getting awfully cocky regarding her position in the tribe.  That’s always a great opening to shift alliances to crush the person who thinks they’re in charge!  

Beautiful girls Ami Cusack and Julie Berry were left scratching their pretty heads when Leeann’s name started showing up on the vote cards!  Leeann looked completely flabbergasted!!

It’s hard to believe that Eliza Orlins and Scout Cloud Lee were able to trust each other enough to do this with their mutual desire to see the other get kicked off the island.  

It was just so much fun seeing Leeann get shocked at Tribal Council!  It really renewed my interest in this season’s shows!

I hope that Ami and Eliza go next in no particular order.  Eliza’s mom was just as annoying as her, although it was pretty cool when she gave her daughter the shirt off her back and rode away on the boat in only her bra!

And I find myself starting to root for Twila…just because she was such an unlikely person to make it this far and I gained a completely new respect for her because the way she rocked the vote!! 

Go get ’em, Twila!

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All right.  It’s official.  I now hate Survivor Vanuatu.

Now that my favorite Cripple, Chad Crittenden, has received the boot (no pun intended), there’s no-one left to root for!

Chad was awesome.  Not only was he extremely competitive in the challenges, but he had that weird ability to plot against people without having it blow up in his face.  He had no confrontations with anyone!  And the chicks still voted him gone!

This unbreakable female alliance is going to be really boring to watch.  Ami Cusack seems to be the  leader since she reversed the plan for all the ladies to vote off Eliza Orlins instead of Chad.  Eliza would have been a much better choice since she’s so annoying, but Ami was able to allow her infectious man-hating disease spread to the other ladies. 

  Chris Daugherty is the last hope for mankind and he was the guy who couldn’t even crawl over a balance beam way back on the first episode.  He’ll be gone in the next two weeks I’m afraid…

So who are we going to root for?  Twila TannerLeann Slaby?      Scout Cloud Lee?  No thanks!! 

I guess the only reason to keep watching is to see if Julie Berry decides to lay-out in the nude again!!  

Other than that, it’s just going one big scratching, clawing cat fight!

On second thought, maybe it won’t be so bad after all!!!! 

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The women are ruling the roost!!!  I really thought the alliance between Julie BerryTwila TannerLea “Sarge” Masters,  Chad Crittenden, and Chris Daugherty would hold.  But alas, the ladies screwed the guys and Sarge took an army boot to the rear.  He was a pretty good guy, so I was sad to see him go.

It’s getting harder and harder to find anyone to root for since I don’t like any of the other ladies.  Ami Cusack seems to have issues with men in general, Eliza Orlins is annoying as nails on a chalkboard, and Scout Cloud Lee is a wacked-out hippie!!

It was kind of fun to see Leann Slaby and Julie Berry helicopter off on their little trip together, but I really can’t root for either because Leeann has just seemed to slide through without controversy and Julie backstabbed Twila and the boys.

Chad Crittenden is the last one I like remaining, not just because he’s a Cripple, but because he seems to have a really good head on his shoulders.  It will be tough row to hoe to outlast the women, since they seem to want to eliminate anyone with a penis, but hopefully Chad will find a way!! 

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So Rory Freemen finally makes it to the merge and still get screwed.  Poor guy.  He was actually starting to grow on me, but I could see how some would have found him to be abrasive.

The producers are trying to spin things that the gender war is back on after the merger, but I think the alliance of 5 between Julie Berry Twila Tanner  Lea “Sarge” Masters  Chad Crittenden , and Chris Daugherty is still strong.  Twila and Julie had no ties to Rory and they could maintain their illusion of strength with the other women without voting off one their group.   It will be interesting to see who goes next week!

I just think that Ami Cusack and Eliza Orlins are too bitchy to last for long!!   Scout Cloud Lee may get into the alliance of 5 to mix things up when Ami and Eliza are gone.

How about the body paint action between Julie and Ami, though?  That was some pretty hot stuff.  We might get to see the two of the hook up after all!  Sarge seemed pretty concerned that Julie might flip when he saw her and Ami laying next to each other.  Let’s hope that she does!!

Chad Crittenden continued to amaze me.  The guy has one foot and he stays very competitive with the rest of them in the physical challenges.  It was incredible when he walked across the beam, fell, caught himself, and recovered back to the beam.  I’d like to see Chad win the game, because right now, he deserves it as much as anyone! 

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The Big Question of this season’s Survivor is…When is Ami Cusack going to reveal the fact that she’s a lesbian?    Scout Cloud Lee spilled the beans to Rory Freemen while showing pictures of her life partner, but when is Ami going to talk about it? 

My hope is that she’ll reveal it after a long, romantic walk with naked sunbather, Julie Berry.  Thus, this season’s Ron/Amber love affair won’t be Twila Tanner and Lea “Sarge” Masters, but Julie and Ami!!  Talk about a Ratings Coup for CBS!!!!!

  Chad Crittenden is proving himself to not only be the most physically gifted one-legged man I’ve ever seen, but also the shrewdest!  Hearing him plot strategy with Chris Daugherty reminded me of some of the great Survivor Sharks of the past like Richard Hatch or Rob Cesterino.  Crippled and Cunning.  A deadly combination for his competitors!! 

John Kenney was fighting for his life when he tried to get people to gang up against Chad, but his point was right.  Anybody would be a fool to take Chad to the end with them because there’s no way he won’t get the sympathy vote.  But as far as I’m concerned, there’s no other player who deserves this victory more than Chad so far!!

John ended up being voted off the island which finally eliminated the male members who were nothing but young, dumb, and full of cum…bersome personality traits which made them very annoying to be around.

Next week’s episode looks like it should be very interesting when Julie, Sarge, and even Twila will be shedding their clothes for more classic Survivor Nudity moments!!

I love Naked Survivors!!!

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Lisa Keiffer finally had to take her medicine for stabbing people in the back. She was voted off the island after pissing off Ami Cusack.  She made a reference to Ami not being on the island any more which apparently made the claws come out.  Ami actually turned on a woman instead of Rory Freemen which was a bit strange given her past actions and comments!

Rory proved himself to be a hard worker and was able to stick around despite the fact that he has the only penis in camp!

The other tribe had some very exciting action when Julie Berry decided her butt needed to tan evenly !!!!  She then removed her bikini bottom and laid out in the nude!!  Yayyyyy!  They should do that every week!!

Twila Tanner and Lea “Sarge” Masters started doing some nicey-nicey talk and Sarge even made reference to putting a dress on Twila and taking her out to dinner!  We might have a new Rob and Amber in the making!!!

  Chad Crittenden continued to prove that you don’t need both feet to kick ass in this game!  He chased pigs with the best of them and continues to do Our People Proud!!! 

Cripples Rule! 

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The Excitement Factor perked up a bit this week!

About time since I was ready to start being a big fan of NBC’s Joey!

The show started out with my favorite Cripple Chad Crittenden belly-aching about having a bad spot to sleep near the fire at night.  Hey, Chad!  If Bubba won’t move, stick your steel foot up his butt!!  That will get him to roll over!!

The earthquake seemed to freak some people out.  I’m guessing it was actually Ami Cusack and Scout Cloud Lee in the tent which was causing the ground to shake!

Speaking of Ami, she really expressed some dislike towards the men who joined her tribe.  My guess is that Ami was pretty disappointed to lose some of her female eye candy around the beach!!  Ami just don’t like the boys!!

The new tribes didn’t work out so hot for Travis “Bubba” Sampson.  He found himself and Rory Freemen to be on the short side of the gender stick when it came time to tribal council.  It didn’t help that the big dummy was busted plotting with his old team at the immunity challenge.  But with a name like Bubba, I guess you can’t expect him to be all that bright!!!

Looks like we’re going to see some good naked action next week when Julie Berry looks to utilize all of her assets to avoid being Bubba’d out of her tribe!!!

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 Brady Finta was voted off this week.  Once again, who cares?

This show is getting so boring.  The old fat guys have figured out a way to vote off the young studs.  Wow, what drama! 

Lisa Keiffer broke her alliance with Eliza Orlins….ohhhh, I’m on the edge of my seat!

Neato!!  Another reward challenge that will test the contestant’s memory skills.  Another immunity challenge where the challenge is to push some big tiles around.  Now this is some gripping television!!!

If it wasn’t for the Superstar Cripple, Chad Crittenden, and the hot lesbian  Ami Cusack, I think I’d have to turn this into a column about NBC’s Joey!!

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This episode was a little bit spicier with  Mia Galeotalanza and Twila Tanner going at it in a Butch Vs Butch Battle Royale.  They claimed their anger at one another was because of differences of opinion over how hard Mia works, but I know the real reason they went off on each other.    These two supposedly hetero-sexual women were both competing for hot lesbian playboy model Ami Cusack‘s attention.  Mia definitely has the advantage in the looks department, but Mia looks like she definitely has more experience in playing the man role in a whole bunch of different situations!

Mia went home after tribal council and Twila became quite giddy at the prospect of Ami doing her hair and nails, so hopefully we’ll get to see Ami in action yet!!

Eliza Orlins‘s voice is like fingernails on a chalkboard.

Not much action in the men’s tribe.  They voted off John Palyok which is basically meaningless to me.  I don’t remember anything about the guy.  It seems like there’s an alliance of the older dudes to vote out the younger and stronger fellows, but there doesn’t seem to be any reason to care.  

I do kind of like Lea “Sarge” Masters  who seems to think his tribe is a platoon of men he’s developing for a combat mission.

And my favorite, of course, is still The Crippled Stud Chad Crittenden!!  Did you see how he kicked ass in the Immunity Challenge?  Even though he lost it in the end, he was so close to building the ladder ahead of all the two-legged men.   Chad definitely lends credence to my theory that one day we cripples will rise up and conquer this planet!!!

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Survivor Vanuatu is off to a very slow start.  Quite boring, I must say!!  Dolly Neely was booted because she just isn’t very bright.  She talked openly about her tough decision on which side she was going to vote with and bemoaning the fact she was a swing vote, so everyone turned on her.  She deserved it!  

So it’s back to the sheep farm for Dolly, which is kind of bizarre since I didn’t realize sheep farmers were so hot.  It reminds me of a time when my car broke down and I had to stop at a farm house for assistance… 

So when will this season’s Survivor start to get more exciting?  I am still very impressed with the one-legged fellow, Chad Crittenden.  Watching him kick ass in the reward and immunity challenges makes me damn proud to be a Cripple!!!

Chad and Ami Cusack, the lesbian Playboy model, are my early favorites to win the contest.

Eliza Orlins is extremely annoying and I predict an early exit for her.

This show has to improve!!  Bring back Jenna and Heidi and a bowl full of chocolate covered in peanut butter!!!!

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Survivor Vanuatu started with a bit of a whimper!

It’s Season 9 and Everything has been done by now!

The coolest thing about the new season is that they have a Cripple on the show again!  Chad Crittenden lost the lower part of his leg because of cancer and he looks to still be one of the biggest studs on the male side of the island.  I couldn’t believe that he was able to cross the balance beam with his artificial foot!!  Especially when that big galoot, Chris Daugherty, couldn’t get across after multiple attempts!!  Chris single handedly lost the immunity challenge for the men and then they stupidly vote Brook Geraghty off the island!  I didn’t quite get that one!!

None of the females have really stood out to me so far, although I have read that there’s at least two lesbians in the group!!!

That would be a first if we have two ladies hook up on the island!!!!

Talk about a ratings coup for CBS when that happens!  

Rob and Amber eat your hearts out!!

To Quote The Late, Great Walter Matthau in Grumpier Old Men

“Ohhhhhh, lesbians.  Yummy!!!!”

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Which foxy lady is going to have naked pictures arrive first?

This is The Order I’d Like To See Them!

1. Ami Cusack — According to her bio, she’s dating a girl named Crissy!!

2. Dolly Neely — I hear them Sheep Herders Can Be Pretty Wild in the Sack!!!!!

3. Eliza Orlins — One of her favorite hobbies is eating! Breathing is one of my favorite hobbies.

4. Leann Slaby — She used to be a model in Minneapolis, so we probably know many of the same people!!

5. Julie Berry — A Very Sexy Native American Girl!!

6. Mia Galeotalanza — Sexy Status Undetermined

7. Lisa Keiffer — Get spicy with this Cajun Queen

8. Scout Cloud Lee — All right, I might not post the link to nude photos of Scout.

9. Twila Tanner — I definitely won’t link to naked pictures of Twila. She scares the crap out of me!!

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